Doug Gurr


Doug Gurr, UK manager of Amazon.Dot.Cunt. This previously unknown mini-Cunt nobody has just opened his cake-hole and made an attempt at joining the ranks of Mega Cuntdom.
“Amazon’s UK boss has warned the Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, that Britain would face “civil unrest” within weeks of a no-deal Brexit” (Times,23/07/18)
Fucking slave driving cunt, scared that Amazon.Dot.Cunt.might run out of an endless supply of cheap labour and have to pay its human drones a half decent wage.Jesus the Gobal Elitists must be shitting bricks to drag out a cunt called Gurr as its latest scaremonger Fuck off back to the USA if you dont like it you cunt and take your shitty jobs with you.Cunt..

Nominated by CuntsR-Us

I want to nominate Doug Gurr for a cunting. Gurr is the UK head of Amazon, and recently issued the dire warning that a no deal Brexit would lead to civil unrest in the UK within two weeks of us leaving. As project fear is once again ramping up its dire predictions of doom and gloom should May finally grow a pair of balls and tell those sneering, unelected, arrogant, incompetent dickweeds in Brussels to shove the EU and go with WTO rules, this gem from Gurr has to be far and away the most ridiculous and pathetic.

63% of ‘young’ voters, the 18-24 year olds, couldn’t even be bothered to go out and vote, how the fuck are they going to work up the will to engage in a riot? And what of the rest of the whingeing cunts who desperately want us to remain enslaved to the EU? How would that soppy bunch of left wing twats go about rioting? We’re hardly talking Brixton or Toxteth here. Perhaps they’d hurl petrol bombs, only instead of petrol, they’d use organic coconut water. I can imagine lots of tofu and organic avocado and egg and cress sandwiches being launched too.

Given the procession of freaks and weirdos who’ve been photographed at numerous pro-EU demonstrations, I bet there’ll even be a bunch of trannies wielding dildos. Yes, these snivelling traitors will really bring the UK to its knees and make us reconsider our decision to leave the EU, won’t they?

Doug Gurr, you intellectual pygmy. You shit stirring sack of monkey vomit. If you want to do something useful, get your boss, Bezos, to pay Amazon’s fair share of tax in the UK. Otherwise, shut the fuck up, you cunt.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Alexa

Ok, not the biggest cunt on the planet, but I’m nominating Alexa, that presumptuous piece of voice activated techno-junk marketed by Amazon. Apart from the terminally bedridden and cunts like Stephen Hawking, I cannot see how this snowflake piece of shit can benefit anyone, apart from the usual suspects, the lazy, the stupid and the tax dodging manufacturer… Whatever next, self driving cars? Oh yeah.

With Alexa installed in your home you’ll never again have to move more than 6 inches in any one direction in any one day, which means if you’re not already a stinking Cyril Smith sized diabetic charge on the public purse, you bloody well soon will be.

Btw, did you know, drugs for diabetes cost the taxpayer around £3million a day – that’s a £billion squid a fucking year – almost 10% what we piss down the EU shitter, year in year out, NET!

However, you won’t glean any of that from the smug adverts (almost as vomit inducing as John Lewis’). Not one obese cunt or health warning in sight, just nice ‘normal’ Remaineresque famblies who can’t even be bothered to turn the bleeding lights on and off. And then there’s that condescending voice, about as user friendly as Chris de Burgh singing Lady In Red, cunt.

Which reminds me. A couple of weeks ago the wife and I were obliged to attend yet another irksome family funeral. At the reception afterwards I was assailed by a cousin down from Scunthorpe (mum’s home town – dad used to joke how he’d “took the ‘cunt’ out of Scunthorpe, ha-ha”). To the accompaniment of Lady In Frigging Red on a loop tape (Christ sake!), said cousin proceeded to traumatise me further by droning on and on and on about the tiresome Alexa thing wired up in his gaff 175 blissful miles away.

I’d normally have Spring Heel Jacked it over the back wall within 5 seconds of the cunt opening his noodle shute – or possibly enquire as to whether the gadget actually did anything life enhancing… like pull you off, or punch distant relatives very hard in the face!

But sadly those options weren’t on the menu cos the wife was glaring daggers so I had to default to plastic robot ‘best behaviour’ mode, and oh fuck, what if the cunt is reading this? Cos there’s some proper hard bastards on my mum’s side of the family.

“Alexa – please confirm Mr Creampuff’s Dignitas appointment – the Cunters have suffered his guff e-fucking-nuff!”

ALEXA: “Appointment confirmed.”

nominated by, ruff tuff creampuff

Amazon [2]

Amazon’s “service” has deteriorated to the point where it would be more pleasant to crawl into town over broken glass, wrestle my way through the unwashed hordes, put up with ignorant shop assistants and then be towed home by my bollocks than to order from them.

Their delivery options are “Free” (timescale: sometime before the universe cools), “Standard” (sometime before the 1st anniversary of your order), “Next Day” (within the next month), “Express” (within the same week – if you’re VERY lucky).

Their systems are absolutely fucked. I placed an order on Monday 5th for 4 items and paid for Next Day delivery. 2 of the items arrived on Wednesday 7th (quite where in the fucking universe Wednesday follows Monday I don’t know). The other 2 showed as “Out for delivery”.

They are now (on Thursday 8th) showing as “Due Wed 7th”.

Clever fucking trick if you can do it.

This is not the first time this has happened and I’m sure there are others with worse experiences.

That cunt Bezos – who, incidentally, looks like a Malteser on a fucking stick – needs to spend less time trying to get people into space and more time getting Amazon’s fucking goods to Yorkshire.

Cunt. Off. Amazon.

Nominated by I Hate This Cuntry

Amazon at Christmas

amazon

Just think of poor little Jonny on Xmas day, he rushes down to the tree to see if Santa has been and delivered his Xbox, he has been a good boy all year, he wrote his letter to Santa and cannot contain his excitement…

He rushes down the stairs, “has he been? has he been?” he proclaims…

Under the tree is nothing, not one present. Jonny cannot work this out, he had been a good boy.
He asks his MUm, “Why did Santa not come?”

“Jonny”, she replies, “he uses Royal Mail & Yodel to deliver his presents,” “and they have not arrived. Remember when you wrote to santa on-line in September, asking for an Xbox?”

“Yes mummy”

“Well everything is on-line now, even Santa’s deliveries come from the magical elfs’ factory, known as Amazon. He does not guarantee delivery by Xmas”

Happy fucking Christmas Jonny!

Nominated by:Boaby