Amazon [2]

Amazon’s “service” has deteriorated to the point where it would be more pleasant to crawl into town over broken glass, wrestle my way through the unwashed hordes, put up with ignorant shop assistants and then be towed home by my bollocks than to order from them.

Their delivery options are “Free” (timescale: sometime before the universe cools), “Standard” (sometime before the 1st anniversary of your order), “Next Day” (within the next month), “Express” (within the same week – if you’re VERY lucky).

Their systems are absolutely fucked. I placed an order on Monday 5th for 4 items and paid for Next Day delivery. 2 of the items arrived on Wednesday 7th (quite where in the fucking universe Wednesday follows Monday I don’t know). The other 2 showed as “Out for delivery”.

They are now (on Thursday 8th) showing as “Due Wed 7th”.

Clever fucking trick if you can do it.

This is not the first time this has happened and I’m sure there are others with worse experiences.

That cunt Bezos – who, incidentally, looks like a Malteser on a fucking stick – needs to spend less time trying to get people into space and more time getting Amazon’s fucking goods to Yorkshire.

Cunt. Off. Amazon.

Nominated by I Hate This Cuntry

40 thoughts on “Amazon [2]

  1. Cannot stand the large American Corporates that operate in the UK.

    None of them pay anything like their fair share of Corporation tax (today announced that Google have paid by far their largest ever Corporation tax of £50m on sales of over £5b).

    You can do the math (it’s maths for fucks sake) however by my reckoning about one tenth of what should be paid.

    Amazon, Apple, Starbucks etc all the same paying fuck all in tax despite billions of pounds worth of sales in the UK. I would have thought that the EU collectively with member countries could have done something about this however there appears to be little appetite to demand the monies due. Hardly surprising with Juncker (ex Luxembourg) at the helm. Look what he offered the large companies there.
    Clearly HMRC are a hopeless bunch of fucking twats and whilst they are seemingly creaming their pants with the paltry £50m collected and by doing so are letting them get away with stuff that most companies could only dream of. Not really a level playing field is it, Amazon year after year cannot believe their luck.

    Also dislike this thing Amazon are pursuing with regards to drone deliveries. Anything to do with humans (who are on the whole treated and expected to work like machines) being replaced with robots which in time will reduce overheads and maximise profits for a handful of cunts is a moral turn off for me to have anything to do with the company concerned.

    Would never consider going into a supermarket to purchase items devoid of any staff, hope the Amazon trial on this method of retail fails dismally however suspect that unlikely to happen.

    Hate the fucking company with a passion and the stinking knob head at the helm. Have refused to use them on principle for several years, would rather support local business even if it means paying a bit more.

    Amazon are total cunts. Period.

    • Nice one, Willie. I like to point out the inconsistency with the Yank expression “Do the math” whenever I can to the dolts round here who use it. The full word being mathematics not mathematic, hence the expression should be “Do the maths”. I’m yet to encounter the Yank retort of ‘how come you use “mum” for mother when we use “mom”? The comeback to that is, of course, twofold. Firstly, it’s our fucking language and secondly, your education system is a joke. How do I know this? THERE ARE NO 2 YEAR DEGREES! That’s a diploma (at best), not a degree. And why is it Americans have to graduate from everything? Graduating means you have passed your final exams and earned a degree. You don’t graduate from kindergarten or high school or college. You graduate from a university. And not the online variety. They don’t count. And what’s with all this ‘earning credits’ crap in order to pass a course? As far as I can tell, dumbass Yank students can show up for a class just long enough to register their attendance and somehow that earns them a credit to help them pass a course!!!!! No wonder they think 2 year degrees are real. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick!

  2. Hey Willie,

    Don’t be so upset. The fucking cunts don’t pay their taxes here either. They donate zillions to the cunt politicians who write the tax laws though. I suppose there could be a connection. 🤔

    Solid cunting for Bezos’ joint venture with Satan….Amazon.cunt. 👿

  3. I sometimes freelance for a drone filming company.
    I don’t do the flying, I operate the camera.
    We do site surveys, commercial shoots and scenes for films and tv.
    It’s proper kit, not hobbyists with little Phantoms.

    Battery life and payload are next to nothing on the propsed drone deliveries from Amazon, so if you don’t live next door to the Amazon depot your unlikely get this service.

    I’m no drone expert but can’t imagine they’ll be able to deliver anything heavier than 5lbs or thereabouts, so forget ordering those dumbell weights.

    Areas that will be covered by this service will be limited. Fly these over certain areas and the kids will be knocking them out of the sky with air rifles, catapults and pea shooters.

    In theory it’s a nice idea, but I can’t see this one getting off the ground….

    • Thank you for the information JR.

      Watching with interest though the new taxi drones which are currently being commercially tested out of Dubai and China.

      Hopefully will perform a bit better than the driverless cars!

    • Great idea – time to dust off my air rifle in case one of these little fuckers drift into range…..

      Each time you score a hit would feel like smashing that pellet right into Bezos’ ball sack.

  4. EU referendum won through fraud, whistleblower tells MPs.

    Well yes, of course it was. But only if you seriously believe that millions and millions of gullible people can be totally brainwashed in a period of a few months to change their minds on their final referendum position. Virtually impossible I would suspect.

    No one seems to have thought to take the government or Remain supporters to court for the £9m+ blatant leaflet campaign to remain within the EU. Or doesn’t this count?

    Fuck me, how desperate Remoaners have become to get this twobit pink haired twat (looking at him probably more of a sausageblower than whistleblower) to give evidence, and how dare those biased cunts he is giving evidence to even give him the time of day to do so.

    Who is fuck is initiating the Leave campaign fight back as there is seemingly fuck all happening to prevent Gina Miller, Soros, Blair, Hammond, Clegg, Hesteltine, May and Rudd (but to name a few) defeating democracy and getting their way.

  5. Amazon is the face of globalism. From tax dodging to slave labour.
    The UK depots treat the workers like shit. On minimum wage with next to zero employment rights. The depots which were set up in the UK to’ bring jobs’ do no such thing. They employ Eastern Europeans from the poorest areas of the EU. If these people weren’t available they would have to adjust their ‘business model’ or sweat shop conditions as it should really be called.
    Leaving the EU will be a disaster Amazon. With any luck.

    • I briefly worked for Amazon before Christmas (fired after a month because I was ill) and, apart from a handful of British whites and asians, the workers were either African or Bulgarian. Shittiest place I have ever had the misfortune to work and I wouldn’t go there again for twice the pay. Stupid shift times, compulsory overtime, people walking about with laptops monitoring your performance, warnings for pretty much anything, people living under Stalin had it easier.

  6. I used to be a fan and regular shopper at Amazon, but no more. Many reasons, but I’ll list just 3.

    1) Amazon’s big selling point is price, especially when compared to the traditional high street. For us over here in Yankland that meant cheaper prices, no sales tax (think VAT) and free shipping right to your door. Terrific! Then cunt Bezos decided to build a warehouse facility in Minnesota. State law requires that you pay sales tax if the retailer has a physical presence in your state. Lovely. So, Amazon made a business decision for their own reasons, the result of which was everyone in Minnesota had to start paying sales tax on their Amazon purchases. An overnight price hike of just over 7%. Thanks a fucking bunch Amazon. I complained to Amazon and had to listen to they are still price competitive even after the addition of sales tax. Not true. I costed out the purchase of several identical IT related items on and it was cheaper than Amazon. Just because the item is on Amazon, do not assume it’s the cheapest price available.

    2) I used to be a Prime member, primarily (no pun intended) to take advantage of ‘free’ 2 day shipping. Except it was rarely 2 days. If I order something on a Monday, it should be here on Wednesday not Thursday. Amazon consistently fail to acknowledge that 2 day shipping means one more day over next day shipping. I complained and complained and complained. Almost every time I’d get the standard ‘we’re very sorry your experience has not met your expectations…please accept a $5 credit towards your next purchase’. No! Stop trying to buy me off and instead fix the fucking problem. The main problem being UPS. These cunts operate on the basis of ‘we’ll deliver when we feel like it’. I don’t live in the middle of nowhere, so actually getting 2 day shipping isn’t unreasonable. But with these cunts it was consistently 3 sometimes 4 days, yet I’d paid for 2 day shipping. Cunts! Does Bezos call Mr. UPS and bollock him 8 ways from Sunday? Nope! Just pay off the customer with a $5 pat on the head and go back to doing the exact same thing as before. Cunts!

    3) Credit where credit is due, most of the time Amazon gets orders right. When they don’t though, they get it catastrophically wrong. The towelheads who work in customer service either can’t read or don’t understand English and respond to complaints which make no sense nor make any reference to the issue which you brought to their attention. Sometimes, they’ll refund an entire order just to avoid dealing with the issue. How do these cunts ever make any money by doing that shit? I don’t want free. I want the issue sorted. Wankers! Case in point. I bought a sample pack of 4 shaving soaps which should all have been different scents. However, 2 of the soaps were the same scent. Not a major issue, but I wanted to try the missing scent so I emailed CS and asked if I could return one of the duplicates or the whole batch of 4 and exchange it for what I actually ordered. I get this reply back claiming absolute horror that I should have been exposed to such a traumatising transaction, no apology could ever be enough and please accept a full refund as our way of saying a thousand apologies and to compensate you for the anguish you must have suffered. FFS – just send me the one fucking soap I asked for. Arseholes!

    • Oh goody goody. We just spent all morning fucking around explaining to people how to get Gravatar to work.

      Gravatar fucking sucks. Nice when it works but a right cunt to get working properly. Fucking WordPress and Gravatar! One big cunt!

      • I gave up on gravatar, as my piss-boiler rivets were beginning to loosen alarmingly.
        Just imagine Lauren Bacall in Murder in the Orient Express.

        Haven’t seen Michelle Pfeiffer’s interpretation, because that CUNT Kenneth Wankagh made some political, anti-Brexit comments, likening the referendum to the unofficial jury on the train. “It is very relevant to recent events” or some such crap.

        What an enormous tosser the boy is.

      • And, I’d forgotten, that shrivelled cunt of a garden gnome, Judi Stench also appears.
        Oh well, another nine months, and she’ll probably be on the front of Good Housekeeping. If not her, it’ll be Don French, or that Plastic-Bumley woman. Or Kirstie Allslopp.

        I would much rather they were all DP winners first.

  7. my amazon experience has been reasonably positive, having 2 k9 shit machines I found a regular subscription to dog food quite helpful and cheaper.
    I no longer have to go to “Pets at home” and I have the pleasure of watching an immigrant struggling with a badly packed box (seeing as the sack seems to be stab proof) every month, sort of makes my life seem so much better.

    • See – you register with WordPress, it picks up your gravatar and it fucking moderates you as a first comment. What a crock of crap!

      Hopefully it won’t do it again Benny!

    • #MeToo LB, 95% positive, but fully understand others’ concerns re globalisation and tax avoidance issues, though tax actually down to U.K. tax laws, probably devised by Gorgon Brown under mega cunt Tony B. Liar under guise of encouraging inward investment or summat…

  8. I get loads of stuff off Amazon. I hate shopping and live in a fairly remote area so it’s far easier to just order stuff on Amazon and get it delivered. There’s a huge choice of every product and I don’t find things any dearer than going to the shops,in fact,it’s sometimes cheaper. Plus there’s fact that I don’t have to put up with Bert and Doris Shopper and their special-needs children when I shop on the computer,which is a fucking huge bonus.

    • Most of the times I’ve been told shops don’t have something, they are in any case incapable of phoning HO or even checking their own stock. Impossible to order, and they actually tell me to “go online”

      The high street is dying, and deservedly so.

      As you say, DF, there’s always the problem of mixing with the highly-undesirables, and either risking ebola, or getting covered in dribble from the weak & incontinent brigade.

      • Went into HMV on 3rd March to purchase an Ed Stafford survival DVD for my son. Not in stock so ordered and pre paid. Told should be in in appropriate 8 days and should receive a text when in.

        Happened to be in town on 13th and popped in for an update. Said as not yet received they have reordered but with a different and much larger supplier. Said about 8 days, estimated on or before 21st.

        Called today (28th) to be told still nothing but have today again reordered (with the same supplier) and hopefully on in about 8 days. Questioned the logic of ordering again with the same at fault company

        Neither HMV or myself are optimistic about the DVD ever arriving however prepared to give them one final chance. If nothing will get a refund. Can get it on Amazon (at an additional 44%) but as I have boycotted the company for the last couple of years will just have to go without.

        Disappointing but must stand by my principles.

  9. I have a policy of avoidance whenever it comes to dealing with U.S. companies, they are the worst in the fucking world at dealing with customer complaints.
    Dealing with Sprint was a nightmare when my phone went kaput in Canada. They don’t even know where Canada is!
    And it took a month to get the problem sorted out, even with their supposed “top problem solver” on the job , he was fucking useless too.
    The fucking morons that you have to deal with has you wondering how they survive, and you can forget about trying to contact any of the big shots, they are all incommunicado and they’re usually fucking morons too .
    Then you see their ads on TV where some beautiful black chick is using their phone from the poolside in some tropical resort. Abso-fucking-lute bullshit! You’re better off with two cans and a piece of string

    Macy’s gave me a credit card when I shopped there last year, only problem is that you can’t pay the cunting bill from outside the country.You have to buy a money order and mail it off to pay them and they say allow 15 days for it to get processed.
    Don’t even start me on those Chase Banks, nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing outside of cashing cheques!
    If something goes missing or if you try and transfer funds to somewhere outside of the States then be prepared for a world of hurt and be prepared to fork out a lot of money for their mistakes. None of these companies give a fuck, it’s our mistake but it’s your problem so pay us to fix it.
    I just get the heebie jeebies whenever I am forced to deal with any of them ( I won’t do it voluntarily) The latest trick they pulled is charging me $70 for a transfer that didn’t make it to the other end. Fucking arseholes

  10. I patronise a small bookshop called “The Edge of the World”. It’s in Penzance, so it’s a good name. Even though it’s at the absolute arse end of the country, if you want a book that’s not in stock, they order it, and it’s in in 24 hours, without fail. And you don’t pay for it until it’s in your hand. Ok, you have to go to collect it, but that’s fun when it’s a bookshop! Went to collect an ordered book only today. Happy reading cunters!

      • I know it well, read it about 45 years ago after seeing the film of the same name!

        Currently reading ‘The English’ by Jeremy Paxman – written 20 years ago it throws much light on and accurately predicts much of the dissatisfaction that is now wracking the established order.

        “We are now coming to the end of British history. A thousand years of separate development (in which the last 300 or so have seen a strong, self-conscious and highly successful nation-state) is finally drawing to its close – under the twin forces of globalisation and the dynamic of European unity.”

  11. Probably “ Penzance not the end of the world but you can fuckin see it from there”
    By J R Hartley ( the cunt)

    • Indeed C. After a lifetime living and working in various parts of the midlands, I retired to the far west of Cornwall a couple of years ago. Lovely people, lovely weather (mostly), but best of all, miles from so-called “civilisation” and no peaceful cunts. I have friends who’ve retired to a tiny hamlet near Carcassonne, the scene of one recent unpleasantness. Needless to say, being libtards they put it down to “one misguided individual”. In normal discourse, they are far from stupid people. I weep.

  12. Drivers for my scheme are no to bad. One of my pals made the mistake of working in these cunts factory over Christmas last year and got treated pure shite tho. Fuckin cunts even timed piss breaks

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