The lesson today is taken from the New Testament, 2021 p.c. edition…

* And it came to pass that Mary, wife of Joseph, a lower-income benefit claimant from a disadvantaged family, was with child. And Joseph was sorely displeased and giveth unto his wife a backhander

* And he sayeth unto her “How art thou with child, bitch, when thou hast not parted thy legs for me since we was espoused, init?”

* And Mary did quiver, and replieth “An angel came unto me in a vision and sayeth that I was to be impregnated with God’s child and that he would come forth in the world to end all our sins and his birth would be foretold by a great star and gifts from three kings”

* And Joseph did take another swig from his Stella and giveth unto her another backhander, saying “That’s the biggest bullshit I hast ever heard! This is the only fucking Stella event you are likely to see, you lying bitch”

* But Mary wasn’t not afraid, having the strength of the Lawed upon her. And she sayeth unto Joseph “I will take myself unto social services and wilst have thou arrested, thou heinous pig”

* And so it came to pass that Mary was rehoused in temporary accommodation in the East End and Joseph was servethed a restraining order.

* And so it was that on December 24th, Mary didst receive a threatening letter from the landlord saying “I have re-rented thy flat so begone from here tonight, whore, or I shall breaketh thine legs”

* And so Mary went forth into the night. And it came to pass that she stumbleth upon a homeless person and he taketh pity upon her, saying “Come unto mine squat in a nearby old stables where thou mighst findeth comfort in thine hour of need”

* And at this moment, a great star burst didst appear over her head. “Taketh no notice,” sayeth her benefactor. “‘Tis only the bloody locals celebrating diwali”

* And Mary went with him and as she entereth the stable her waters didst break and she goeth into labour.

* And in the early hours Mary didst give birth unto a boy child, amongst great cries of pain and loss of much blood. And the child was laid in a manger for a bed

* And three men didst appear in the doorway, fresh home from a party, and each weareth a paper crown on his head.

* And Mary did behold them and sayeth “I see three kings!”

* And the first sayeth “Shit, girl, you been through it, ain’tcha? Have a swig of this..” and didst give unto her his bottle of Castlemaine Gold.

* And the second sayeth unto her “I have nothing to give you but a few foreign coins” and handed her a Franc and some Cents

* And the third sayeth unto her “Ah eh! I’ve nought for you, gerly, for I am only a poor scouser and am in a right state. Look. Even me hurr falleth out”

* And so it came to pass that the prophecy was fulfilled. A child with no father was born in a manger, under a star burst, and 3 kings from the East End had brought gifts of Gold, Francs and Cents, and Hurr.

* And the donkey in the corner brayeth “Eee Ore! It’s a fuckin’ miracle…”

Here endeth the lesson.

We shall now sing hymn 123 “We three kings from Orient are; One on a scooter, two in a car.” All rise…

Nominated by: Dioclese

It’s that time of year again. Go into any shop, café or restaurant and they’ll be playing THAT c.d; the one with ‘Happy Xmas (War Is Over), ‘Fairytale of fucking New York’ and ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’. Please, just make it stop.

To be fair, most of the songs aren’t bad, they’ve just been played to death every year. They’re white noise, and you just have to blank them out. Unfortunately, there is a clusterfluck of Christmas songs which are so abysmal that every available copy should be thrown into a mine shaft and buried in rubble, never to be heard again.

I’ve got a few of these cunts on my list, but in the interests of brevity, I’ll limit myself to a run-down of my five ultimate barrel-scrapers;

5. Band Aid; ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’
As if the sight of a bunch of smug millionaire cunts (inc. usual suspects Bono and Sting) virtue-signalling for Africa wasn’t bad enough, they recorded one of the poorest songs ever written to add to the pain.
You Tube Link

4.Paul McCartney; ‘Wonderful Christmastime’
As bland and anonymous as magnolia wallpaper, pretty much like most of Macca’s post-Beatles output. Listening to this is like sinking slowly into quicksand.
You Tube Link

3.David Bowie and Bing Crosby; ‘Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy’
Nut-numbingly twee rendition by possibly the most bizarre musical pairing in history. Odd. Just…odd.
You Tube Link

2. Jona Lewie; ‘Stop The Cavalry’
As wince-inducing as fingernails down a blackboard, this tripe seems to have secured its status as a Christmas song simply based on the fact that it contains the line ‘wish I was at home for Christmas’. The musical equivalent of the shits.
You Tube Link

1. NewSong; ‘The Christmas Shoes’.
The vomit-inducing story of a child whose mom is dying, and he wants to buy her some shoes so that she will look beautiful ‘if she meets Jesus tonight’. Should come with a health warning; ‘listening to this may induce self-harming’.
You Tube Link

Well, I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know, and I’ll be avoiding the cunt songs on this list like an attack of Covid.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO CUNTERS EVERYWHERE!

Nominated by: Ron Knee

And let’s not forget the many offerings of Chas and Dioclese over the years. In our opinion it’s only right to slaughter some of these ear benders and their versions are vastly superior to the originals – Admin

Here at a Admin Towers we’ve been chewing over an idea put forward to acknowledge an award for Cunter of the Year.

It’s been hard to select just one from a crowd of you not just for your nominations but for your comments as well. As you will appreciate there’s been many thousands of offerings to pick from.

But for his witty and entertaining offerings throughout the year, especially his roving reporting and witty riposte of the right royal idiots Harry and Meghan, we have selected this year’s winner….

So many congratulations to Ron but also we considered the following worthy of special mention :

– Dick Fiddler
– Paul Maskinback
– Jack The Cunter
– Miserable northern cunt
– Ruff Tuff Creampuff
– Liberal Liquidator
– Thomas the Cunt Engine
– Sixdog Vomit
– Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Our thanks and appreciation to all of you that have contributed and helped make this site one of the last bastions of free speech on the internet. Long may we continue – until the bastards manage to get to us.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Nominated by : Your Admin Team

I hate turkey.

The whole family hates turkey. It’s dry, tough and tasteless. That’s why on Christmas Day, we won’t be having it for dinner. We’ll be having one of my son-in-law’s most excellent curries instead.

However if we DID like turkey, we’d buy an actual fucking turkey, not shit dressed up to try and look like one, like this;

Sainsbury’s News Link

That’s right, it’s, erm, mushroom and pea protein, trying to masquerade as a turkey.

Honestly, I just don’t get it. If you’re a veggie or vegan, don’t eat turkey, that’s fine by me. But if you’re a veggie or a vegan, why do you want to eat something that’s just pretending to look and taste like what you say you don’t want to eat in the first place?

As Mr Spock would say, ‘illogical’.

Anyway, vegan or not, I wouldn’t touch this crap with a bargepole. It looks like a right load of shit to me.

Nominated by: Ron Knee