(Looked up an avocado meme for the header pic, and found this – an avocado-green crop top – Day Admin)

The missus recently spotted a newish café bistro place which claimed to offer an extensive range of gluten free options, so we decided to try it out for lunch today.

Having been shown to our seats, our ‘waitperson’ brought the menu, and the wife quickly decided to go for a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with ‘fries’ (yes, I know!). As soon as she said that, I decided I fancied that too, so I gave our order without bothering to glance at the menu.

Shortly after our ‘waitperson’ returned, carrying two toasted sandwiches utterly brimming with crispy bacon and salad. Mouth watering, I hastily took a bite, to be bemused by the rather strange and unpleasant taste. Seeing my look, the missus asked what was up, and lifting the toast off, I found that it was covered by what at first glance appeared to be a paste-like green mould.

‘It’s avocado’, says she. ‘No shit Sherlock’ says I. ‘It’s bastard horrible’. I suppose it was my own fault for not checking the menu, but for fuck’s sake, what cunt came up with the idea of putting avocado on a blt?. Anyway, I was able to scrape off most of this guck and finished my sandwich with some enjoyment. ‘Ah’ said our ‘waitperson’ when she returned to the table. ‘You don’t go for avocado then’.

‘Don’t go for it’ is a polite way of putting it. Who in their right mind would knowingly eat something that looks and tastes like soap and hope to enjoy the experience? Cunts in Hampstead at their ‘buffet dinner parties’ perhaps. I wouldn’t eat this slimy shit if they gave it away for free. Yuk!

Nominated by: Ron Knee

“MILTON”

Some crafty old xunt, from Equador called “Mlton” – he refuses to give a surname – why? (a criminal running away from justice probably) turned up in London claiming to be a single man. He was given a studio flat (of course). In he fullness of time he bought over his tw children and then the spouse, and hey all lived together in disharmony in his little studio flat.

When the dust settled he asked fr a bigger home, and was rightly refused, as he had wilfully misrepresented his circumstances Now he is suing the council, and wll no doubt get away with his fraud:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1555011/Southwark-Council-housing-property-family-London-court

It begs the question – if his English is so poor and his brain so small, who the fuck is helping him with his dishonest claims and the court case?

There should be one penalty for scum like this and his conniving family: Immediate deportation with no appeal.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

The ‘University’ of Northampton is a cunt.

Firstly, yes it actually exists. That should be sufficient for a cunting in its own right.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Northampton

However, they have decided to put a trigger warning on Orwell’s 1984.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10430597/University-slaps-trigger-warning-George-Orwells-Nineteen-Eighty-Four.html

Seriously, the book that told the world how bad an autocratic, censurious society can be has been labelled as ‘containing explicit material’ and that it could be found ‘offensive and upsetting’.

I don’t whether to laugh or cry that the soft-bellied cunts as this alleged university have labelled their own playbook as offensive.

One last quote from the article. ‘Northampton, which gained full university status only in 2005, is ranked 101st in a list of the UK’s 121 universities.’

Can’t fucking think why …

Nominated by Dark key cunt…

And seconded by Geordie Twatt

I’d like to second DKC’s nomination of Northampton University.

A few years ago when my daughter was considering which Uni to apply to, we had a look through the annual Sunday Times University Guide. The leader of the Student’s Union for each institution was invited to write a single sentence to say what was good about their Uni. So most extolled the academic or social benefits. For Northampton’s student leader, however, it’s great selling point was the fact that it had transgender toilets. I kid you not. Needless to say, she didn’t apply.

101st out of 121 Universities? I should think it’s more likely to be 122nd.

This has nothing to do with the dinghy invasion across the channel. Though that is a form of channeling I suppose.

No I mean ‘channelling’ in a mystical sense. Just read that Geri Horner was ‘channelling’ Marilyn Monroe in wearing a white dress at some awards bash And Amanda Holden was channelling her ‘legally blond’ in what she was wearing earlier this evening.

But I’ve also heard it used in psychobabble namely channeling one of your inner ‘selves’

I was singing ‘Suspicious Minds’ to myself earlier. Was I channelling my inner Elvis?

It is linked with ‘identify as’ I think. The same fracturing of the personality. The same fundamental attack on Personhood.

Sam Smith says he I mean they say they have more than one personality. So each day they decide (do they?’) which personality they are going to channel.?
Is that multi-personality disorder…? Who knows.

Maybe I have got that wrong. Hes ‘non-binary’ he says doesn’t he? I mean they say don’t they? Do they have one personality expressed sexually differently. Is that it? I ought to have looked this up.

Anyway, going back again to channelling someone famous. If you think back that was the hallmark of being a nutter someone claiming to be an historic figure like Napoleon or Jesus Christ.

Mediums (who I don’t like on principle) talk about ‘channelling’ the spirit of some dead relative? Yes that would be a strong influence on this new usage.

Really Geri wasn’t channelling Marilyn Monroe she was influenced by her. Or was paying homage to her with her dress.

Does this matter? Not much but I am seeing the word ‘channelling’ being used in this way and I don’t like it.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

(More info here, probably – Day Admin: LiveScience News Link )

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s cultural affairs correspondent Ron Knee reporting. As our followers are aware, the BBC is making a controversial drama telling the story of the horrendous sex predator Jimmy Savile. Thanks to our astrologer and medium Mystic Mug (preferential rates apply for IsAC subscribers), we are joined by no less than the ghost of Jimmy Savile himself to hear his views on this. Can you hear me Mr Savile?”.

“Goodness gracious, loud and clear young man *urgle urgle urgle*”.

“So how are you getting on over on the other side?”.

“Well well, now then now then, it’s hard goin’. I’ve been sentenced to ‘alf a million years in torment before a chance of redemption, so I spend me time with me ‘ead shoved in a bucket of pigshit while demons take turns at rammin’ a poker up me arse *urgle urgle*. Still, the food’s not bad, and as it ‘appens I’m on me tea break now”.

“So how do you feel about the BBC’s drama, with Steve Coogan playing you?”.

“Now then guys an’ gals, it’s nothin’ but a stab in the back. They’re lookin’ to cover their arses by dishin’ the dirt on me, after all the faithful service I gave ’em. Cunts. As for that twat Coogan, ‘ave a look at that picture with ‘im in that daft wig. Makes ‘im look like a fookin’ tranny”.

“Okay. But at least the Beeb has said that the stories of some of your victims will be heard”.

“Victims? Listen pal * urgle urgle*. I was a fookin’ huge star. The fanny threw itself at me. I mean, they were dressed and made up to the nines. How was I to know that one or two of ’em, well a few of ’em, okay most of ’em, weren’t of age? I’m the victim ‘ere. None of ’em ever said no”.

“Especially the corpses no doubt. But seriously, come on. YOU were a victim?”.

“Too right young man. My good nature was taken advantage of by all them young tarts. I keep tellin’ ’em that down ‘ere, but they won’t listen. Oh fook, there’s the bell. Back to it. Hey ‘old up lads, is that a fookin’ pineapple as it ‘appens? No no *urgle urgle* aaaarrrrrrrgh…”.

“Well I think that good taste dictates that we leave it there, other than to say that Old Nick has now well and truly fixed it for Jimmy. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Metro News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee