The Brit Awards

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I’d like to nominate tonight’s Brit Awards for a cunting. Whilst I’m delighted that it won’t be hosted by James “Tubby McFatFuck” Corden or Davina “I’d literally kill a baby to stay on TV” McCall, I also don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Featuring performances from Adele, Coldplay, Little Mix, Justin Bieber, James Bay and Rihanna – sooooo….. I wonder what the numerous commercial breaks will be advertising (apart from plenty of plugs for bloody sport relief – another celebrity love-in)?

It’s live of course, so we live in hope that at least one of the above will fall (or be dragged) off the stage, leave a tit on display or… hopefully… be taken out by a secret TV studio assassin (my dream job). But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

In between their predictably turgid, lip-synced performances, there will of course be the awards themselves – a thousand daggers sent to the stage with each smile of those who didn’t win as they clap dutifully. Meanwhile those who do win will gush through their acceptance speeches with all the genuine emotion of Hal 9000 whilst occassionally attempting some wit that would make David Brent look positively erudite. But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Well it’s going to be an ego-fest alright – no doubt more than a few will try to make some kind of political statement, but given that our politicians struggle with this task, I don’t hold out much hope for anything sensible from a bunch of overpaid cabaret cunts.

Did I mention that I won’t be watching it?

Nominated by: Nickleby

The EU Referendum

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The EU referendum deserves a good cunting.

Much like the Scottish referendum, the result has already been decided, of course the public will vote to stay in the EU.

Democracy is a fucking load of shit, the illusion of choice but the decision is already decided.
There is no way in hell Britain will be ALLOWED to get out of the EU, it is all part of the step to world governance (EU under the guise of free trade, NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement etc)

If the EU referendum vote turns out to be NO I will insert a pineapple in my arse and film it for isacunt whilst Mrs Boaby shits on my face!

Nominated by: Boaby

Sir Jonathan Penn

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I’m surprised that Sir Jonathan Penn isn’t cunted yet. His real name is John Pennell but he also uses in his latest motor dealer scam the name of John Penn, what a cunt.

His latest venture/scam is SOURCINGROUP.co.uk but he’s been a director of over 200 companies.

If you google his titled name you will see photos of the cunt looking like a pirate in articles about the arson on his Jaguar on his driveway. What a cunt.

He’s served time for gbh, fraud and bestiality.

He’s ripped people off for hundreds of thousands of pounds

His latest websites are Mafiosa and champagne and caviar and Sourcing Group. What a cunt.

He was taken to court by Max Clifford for not paying his bill to the paedo pr man and turned up in court in a wig of memorable style. What a cunt

Nominated by: Steve McQueen

Dead Pool [31]

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At fucking last! We have a winner for the longest running Dead Pool I can remember!

Congratulations to Shaun of the Dead 69 who bags his third Dead Pool title by bagging former OSCAR & BAFTA winning cinematographer Douglas Slocombe, known for his work on no less than three Indiana Jones films. Well done, Shaun. That’s another one towards the target of five held by Dioclese (had to get that one in!)

So the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 31. They’re still dropping like flies this time of year so there’s never been a better time to get your name on the slate!

Oh, and I already bagged Paul Daniels 😉

Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices.
List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored. Please wait for the reset when a pool is won and we move on. That way, we all know where we are!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

3. It helps admin if you nominate one name per line, no numbers in front or comments afterwards. Comment what you like after your five names! A request – not a hard and fast rule – but it speeds up the list making if we can do a straight cut and paste to a spreadsheet.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.