The Brit Awards


I’d like to nominate tonight’s Brit Awards for a cunting. Whilst I’m delighted that it won’t be hosted by James “Tubby McFatFuck” Corden or Davina “I’d literally kill a baby to stay on TV” McCall, I also don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Featuring performances from Adele, Coldplay, Little Mix, Justin Bieber, James Bay and Rihanna – sooooo….. I wonder what the numerous commercial breaks will be advertising (apart from plenty of plugs for bloody sport relief – another celebrity love-in)?

It’s live of course, so we live in hope that at least one of the above will fall (or be dragged) off the stage, leave a tit on display or… hopefully… be taken out by a secret TV studio assassin (my dream job). But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

In between their predictably turgid, lip-synced performances, there will of course be the awards themselves – a thousand daggers sent to the stage with each smile of those who didn’t win as they clap dutifully. Meanwhile those who do win will gush through their acceptance speeches with all the genuine emotion of Hal 9000 whilst occassionally attempting some wit that would make David Brent look positively erudite. But as I said, I don’t care as I won’t be watching it.

Well it’s going to be an ego-fest alright – no doubt more than a few will try to make some kind of political statement, but given that our politicians struggle with this task, I don’t hold out much hope for anything sensible from a bunch of overpaid cabaret cunts.

Did I mention that I won’t be watching it?

Nominated by: Nickleby

14 thoughts on “The Brit Awards

  1. Is it as good not watching the Brits as not watching the Grammy’s? I tend to prefer not watch movie awards, I can’t wait to miss this year’s Oscars and avoiding the Bafta’s was particularly rewarding.

  2. not watching it is the best policy and if you can avoid hearing about it so much the better,they are all attention craving cunts and would be the best place for isis to get some publicity except most would be pleased,also I would like to recunt charlotte fucking church,now she,s hated by her neighbours as well as everyone else in wales, a treble cunt if ever there was one……step forward again sniper and do us all a favour…….or dr who go back in time and give this twats mother a condom

  3. The cunts are complaining that not enough black people are given brit awards

    That’s because rap is not real music

    “My bitch my ho,I got da gun, I got da moneys ” and say nigga 30 times in 4 minutes

    How did we get from guns n roses to ed “boring acoustic ginger cunt” sheeran? Ugly ginger mong

    • surley the MOBO awards cover the above? I understand that it is not racist to have an exclusivly minority award cerimony but it is a requirment to bring in someone from a minority group (race/gender/sexuality) no matter how they performed (best of a bad bunch) to be seen to be unbiased.

    • That whale cunt Adele banging on about cunts that keep doing her over isnt alot better either.

      • I’m waiting for someone to re-write the lyrics for Hello, something on the lines of ‘fuck off’ would fit that duo syllabic opening word.
        I’ve never watched the Brit awards, is it something like the Pooftas that was broadcast recently?
        Only three more episodes of Miserydale to go (Happy Valley), and the sun is shining today, things can only get worse.

  4. They cater to shitty pop music what do they(you) except? Rap has never been about music(never will be) it was a sick joke by jewish record producers to make quick cash and to make young people dumber more violent too. It should be renamed Brit Pop Bellend Awards, In the words of Kate Bush ” We think you’re incredible You say we’re fantastic,
    But still we don’t head the bill. Wow Wow Wow Wow…Wow unbelievable” Better musicians always get pushed to the back so propaganda(or as I like to call it Popaganda music gets pushed to the front its what keeps cunts like simon cowell in business. Record companys don’t really care about serious musicians or skill for that matter. Its the reason Progressive Rock was killed in favor of Punk and so on. Its not lacking diversity its lacking common sense Lol niggas

  5. Desperation is setting in at The BRITs!

    Just got an unsolicited tweet : “Dioclese, are you going to The BRITs tonight? Walk the red carpet with the artists, go behind the scenes with exclusive backstage access, and join the real-time conversations between the musicians, presenters, and millions of fans at home, only on Twitter”

    Quite how you would watch or listen to it on Twitter is a mystery to me – even if I wanted to…

    Bollocks. Fuck off!

  6. Same goes in the classical world. A & R twats hunting around for the latest Chinese whizz kid like Lang Wank. They can all play the notes but they have fuck all soul.
    They overwork them and then fuck em off. Bring back the 60s, a golden age for orchestras, conductors and soloists, most of them escaping over the Berlin Wall. They knew how to make things sound good then, real engineering, geeks sticking splices of tape together with sellotape and no post-production mixing. And it sounds fucking fantastic. Today’s digital wunderkinds produce a really soporific, homogenous and flat sound.
    Enjoying a pint in my new local – it combines a small range of decent ales and a vinyl record shop, it’s bloody marvellous and they never play any of that rap shit.

  7. Adele! Adele! Adele! I am sick to to death of this fucking cunt…
    First I am tortured bt her squawking crap on the radio where I work…
    If it isn’t ‘Hello’ (yet another ‘a bloke has dumped me because I am a fat whining cunt’ song) then it’s ‘When We Were Young’ (aka ‘Before I was dumped’) or that pile of shite ‘The Rumour Has it’…Will somebody tell this pig ignorant tart that it’s ‘rumour has it…’ There is no fucking ‘The….’ And if she is not caterwauling, the silly cow is on telly going on about how she ‘bursts into tears spontaneously’ because her microphone failed or something…. The stupid chav got lucky hag wants to to try some real work or problems… And if that’s not enough, Adele is now on the front of every newspaper in Britain, blubbering a the Brit Awards and looking like a cross between Mick Miller (The Comedians) and a baboon wearing lipstick…. Adele is a cunt…

  8. And those two coneheaded Geordie cunts, Ant and Dec, with that plug ugly streak of piss chickboy wearing ashtrays and dental floss… What the fuck was all that about? Cunts…

    That James Bay is a fucking and all…

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