An “I’ll take one from the top, three from the middle and the rest from the bottom row, please Carol” cunting for this avaricious lady, who keeps going on about the fact that she is 60 next month, and has decided in addition to her money-making opportunities (adverts for life insurance, and “getting equity from your home” if you are over 60 and your kids are daft enough to let you get away with it, shysters who pray on the aged who obsess about money as much as Miss V.

She was, admittedly, back on November 2nd 1982 (38 years who would Have thought it), a handsome lass, very good at figures on Countdown while she flirted with the late Richard Whitely she certainly tickled his fancy, but now, alas, she is mutton dressed as lamb:

https://www.express.co.uk/celebrity-news/1354532/Carol-Vorderman-Twitter-bum-age-2020-Countdown-Halloween-pictures-news-latest-update

She is nowhere near as objectionable as old Mother Dodds, or Granny Rayner, that Soubry creature and countless other personalities, but please leave the sex slapped on thick with a trowel act to the young tarts who “grace” ITV today. You are demeaning yourself Carol. And don’t be so greedy – you can’t take it with you – it would probably melt.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee speaking. Today I’m privileged to be joined by US President-elect Mr Joe Biden. Thank you for taking the time to speak to us, Mr Biden”.

“Huh? Where am I? Who are you?”.

“Er, this is an interview for IsAC in the UK, Mr Biden”.

“Ukraine huh? You speak good English for a Rooski son”.

“No Mr Biden, not the Ukraine, the UK; that’s England, Scot-“.

“Oh yeah, I heard of that England place. Run by that Elizabeth dame, Meghan Markle’s mother. I know all about it. I never miss an episode of ‘The Crown’ on Netflix. In my position, you gotta keep posted about what’s going on around the world. Ron huh? Say, can I call you Ronnie for short?”.

“Well certainly Mr Biden. Now, perhaps you could give us your reaction at the end of what’s been a long and often very bitter campaign”.

“It’s been tough. A dirty campaign. But hell, we had to beat that son-of-a-bitch George. He was leading the country to perd… perdit… to ruin”.

“George? You surely mean Donald. Bush isn’t the present incumbent, it’s Donald Trump”.

“Yeah, him as well. He’s a very confused guy, unlike me. He’s crazy. I was saying to my wife Valerie just the other night-“.

“Excuse me, but Valerie is your sister. Your wife’s named Jill, I believe”.

“Ha Ha! Darned if those two don’t hornswoggle me all the time! Got it wrong at that campaign event in San Diego too a while back. They switched on me!”.

“It was Los Angeles, Mr Biden. You must admit, your seeming confusion did give your opponent ammunition, allowing him to question your mental faculties”.

“Heck Ravi, I’m telling you that my opponent’s claims that I didn’t know what day of the hour it was were all vicious smears. You won’t find a more mentally alert 87 year old in this whole US of A”.

“You’re 78 Mr Biden. I’d better point that out for our followers. And for yourself, come to think of it. Anyway, what message would you like to send to the American people now that you’re on your way to the White House?”.

“Well, the end of our long darkness is at hand. It’s time to resolve the conflicts that have plagued us under Obama. It’s time to close the rifts, to heal the wounds. Time to go forward as one into the sunlit uplands, one nation, undivided, under God. I pledge to play my part to the full, as sure as my name’s er… ahm…”.

“*Sigh* Mickey Mouse. Ah, there’s a young lady in a nurse’s uniform here, telling me to cut our chat short as it’s time for your warm milk and afternoon nap”.

“Well, I do feel a bit sleepy. But as I go, let me leave you with these final words. As a great patriot once said, ‘let’s make America great again!’. Say, are there any of those chocolate cookies today?”.

“Oh dear. This Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

(In the interest of balance after the Donald “Victim” Trump nomination yesterday, here’s Smokin’ Joe. Enjoy! – DA)

Those arrogant, incompetent cunts just don’t get it.

They don’t get, and refuse to accept that the UK is no longer a member of the EU, and therefore has absolutely no obligation to follow their rules or laws.

Their latest act of dipshittery concerns the standards the UK has brought in regarding plant pests. Apparently, our standards on the importation of plant pests is far higher than those across the channel, and the EU is screaming foul play. This has been going on for some time, a few months ago, they gave the UK government until the 20th June to lower the standards that had been implemented, or they would sue.

The government, rightly, told the EU where to shove. Well apparently, the EU have now sent formal notice of impending legal action if the UK doesn’t water down its rules within the next two months.

What part of ‘we are no longer members of your shitty, communist club, so we don’t need have to do what you want anymore’, don’t they understand? Technically, even though we have left the EU, we’re still tied to EU rules until New Years eve, but let’s face it, by the time they actually get around to legal action, their rules will no longer have any relevance to us.

This is yet ANOTHER pathetic attempt at intimidating the UK into giving in to their demands in the farcical trade negotiations (which we should have walked away from two weeks ago, on the 15th of October). Well they can go suck a donkey’s dick. The UK is once again a sovereign nation. The EU has no longer has any influence over us. It’s time for that to fucking sink in.

The EU are shitting themselves that the UK will do well outside the EU. Because it will show other nations that they don’t actually need the EU. When they see that independent UK is doing just fine, other nations will want to leave. Italy being one of them. And do you know what? The way the likes of Barnier, Verhofstadt, Von Der Leyen, Macron and Merkel have behaved over the past four and a half years, I hope the EU crumbles to dust. They fucking deserve it.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Acceptable on dusky Indian wenches.

Decades ago, I had a fling with a bejeweled, bangled pocket Venus Sikh girl called Surinder Singh who wore one and drove me wild.

However, they are not so great on western women. I had a gorgeous Latina secretary once who wore one from time to time but spoiled my day when it was ring a ding day.

Even on the ringless days, I could not help but notice the hole in the side of her pert little nose when I happened to lean close to her fragrant face and those dark eyes to make a point.

However, the reason for this post is that I saw an interview the other night with a guy called Jack Dorsey who is the CEO of Twitter He looks to be in his mid to late 40s and has longish hair and a thick beard but, to my disgust, had a nose ring. How can a grown man who is not Reg Dwight demean himself by having his nose stapled so he can display a ring? I´m waiting to read his tweet when he moans that a mugger ripped off half his face when he grabbed it and stole off into the night.

Nominated by: Mr Polly 

Following on from Ron Knee’s nomination of Jihadis, I would like to nominate former Malaysian PM Mahatir Mahomed who has stated that it is acceptable for Muslims to want to kill millions of French people because of the French massacres of Muslims in the past.
He’s a cunt anyway, this just endorses it.

Nominated by: mystic maven