M&S’s crotch less knickers

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A more rotund lady for those who like fatties. C.A.

are cunts.

The Chairman,
Marks & Spencer plc,
London W1

Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that your erstwhile august institution has started selling ladies’ unmentionables with a slit in the front. I am informed that this is to permit the interpolation of a gentleman’s pintle into the lady’s monosyllable without the need to remove said lady’s bloomers..

As loyal M&S customers, I wish to inform you that my good lady wife and I have never partaken of such lascivious behaviour, nor do we wish to start now. Who are these undergarments aimed at – your customer base or Mrs Price and Mrs Rayner?

In the past my good lady wife’s St Michael drawers gave her much-needed relief from a chill on her kidneys, and when the elastic finally succumbed we used them as windfall catchers underneath our apple tree. Your latest offering wouldn’t catch an acorn.

If you do not return to selling undergarments of their former quality we will be taking our business elsewhere.

Faithfully yours,

Disgusted,
Tunbridge Wells

telegraph

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

65 thoughts on “M&S’s crotch less knickers”

  3. Having just researched the author of the article linked, she strikes me more as the fur coat no knickers type despite her aversion to the crotchless nonsense.

    My personal feeling is all ladies if a certain size and above should be forced to wear marine grade smell proof fabric garments, fully crotched and visually unappealling. Though this is not limited to the larger lady either, theres more than plenty rather fragrant slimmer ones out there too.

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  5. sold.
    they’re great.
    probably cheap too?
    seeing as mainly made of holes.

    well done Mark’s an Spencer,
    I thought you just made incontinence nappies and string vests.

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  6. Rampant transphobia.

    If a man who became a woman by thinking they wanted to wore these their bollockś would fall out.

    What a fucking disgrace.

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  7. practical.
    in a rush and bursting for a tomtit?
    no time wasted dropping your keks
    and easier to wipe your arse.

    Need a gypsy but toilets in use?
    just piss down your leg, empty your shoe,
    good to go.

    This is groundbreaking for the modern.woman.

    a busy independent bossy Karen
    she hasn’t got time for fuckin about taking down her knickers for a slash or Eartha Kitt.
    These free her up to spend more time filing sexual harassment claims and complaining about men.

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  8. The thieving bastards are getting away with selling nothing. The most important part of the knickers are the crutch. What are ladies of a certain age going to do about the little dribble’s of piss that arrive later after a slash and for gentlemen such as me who indulge in a little bit of crutch sniffing.

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  9. The crafty bastards are encouraging the ladies to buy two pairs of knickers for wearing at the same time. There are still lots of women who use period pads. I still tell the joke about them being swinging hammocks for lazy cunts.

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    • Funny, my other half has several pairs of these, I like to tell him that the Antiques Roadshow is in town soon and he could take them on there, or that they should be carbon dated like the Turin Shroud, never fails to amuse (me not him)

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  11. I prefer panties, proper ones not the dental floss type, crotch less are pointless may as well just wear a suspenders belt and stockings with no nickers at all.

    Having recovered from the ‘safe pic’ posted by Thomas, time for a lie down

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  14. I`m assuming Mrs Twatt`s netherwear is purchased from military surplus supply stores as is Mrs Pubis`s preference. She has a pair of khaki canvas ladycrackers made by Dreadnought with the motto “They Shall Not Pass” stencilled on the gusset.
    🩲

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  15. Poor Emily Thornberry. Since the Steaming Pussycat Strip Club Soho had to sack her for doing her shimmy pissed, she has fallen even further to advertising knickers.

    Before she came to work for us she had worked at Big Nick’s Club – Emmy had been dancing in big nicks for years.

    Never mind, it seems young Yvette has seen the light and is telling her truth:

    https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-16049527/Yvette-Cooper-admits-Labour-government-delivers-scathing-verdict-Keir-Starmers-leadership.html

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    • Surely, like all men, you have a favourite pair of old y-fronts with more holes in them than there are perforations in a catering size box of PG Tips tea bags that would serve to aerate the wedding tackle just as well? Going commando is the sort of unhygenic thing an “Hay-rab” would do.

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      • I can always picture Jess Phillips relaxing at home in an old stained holey pair of Y Fronts – and nothing else – that does “Mr. Phillips” more good than a dose of bromide..

        Jess is another sad case – when the Steaming Pussycat opened back in 1949, when the talk turned to striptease one name was on everybody’s lips – young Jess. Sadly, by the early 50’s “personal problems” intervened – “private shows” in her Soho flat, close up dancing in the club giving views normally reserved for a gynaecologist, and finally thrown up over the conga drummer during her version of “Caravan”. It is not generally known that a lot of Labour ladies started out on the game.

      • make your own scunny.
        i save bits of string off parcels and that i find laying in the street..

  17. My have a go at the obese in this weather send a cool glow to my heart. Those deep cracks of folded unwanted flesh must be excruciatingly painful with every movement.

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  19. Does anyone know, are there women still wearing “French” knickers, i.e. those which are loose around the thighs rather than being elasticated so you could slide your fingers in easily?

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  20. They’ve come a long way from the bazaar days of yesteryear, but crotchys aren’t exactly boundary breaking unless George and Mildred want a last bedroom romp before one gets carted off to dementia city 😩

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  22. Speaking of lovers of crotchless knickers or in her case no knickers, and a badly wiped fanny.. Angie and Sue perkins are having a contest to see who is the most normal..

    Angela is talking about taking the empty bottles back for her 10p woolworths mix bag..
    Keeping the part where she stuck them up her snatch for the 10p, quiet..

    And andy tatlock had a paper round, the last work the saggy titted twat ever did..

    https://x.com/i/status/2087623975404818771

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  24. I suppose going crotchless will lower the risk of seeing your birds Neapolitan knickers laying in the bedroom floor in the morning.
    You know. Chocolate, strawberry and mellow yellow vanilla.
    I would imagine dirty ange’s grundy’s look like that.

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    • I never shop in Mark’s an Spencer.
      my gran liked the food from there.
      had a reputation for quality,
      dont know if that’s still the case?

      But the menswear?
      alright if your a jehovas witness, a geography teacher or Fred Talbot.

      I’m not some fuckin stiff who wears a lemon vneck jumper and socks with sandals type.
      awful, just awful.

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      • yanks make some good clothes.
        cut well,
        well made, that dont fall apart in the rain.
        got a few items from America.

        funny, they make great clothes,and boots but they all look like they’ve had their hair cut by David Blunkett.
        can’t cut fuckin hair without making it look.like a wig.

        Not sure why?

      • I like the Carhart stuff Mis, working clothes but hyped and overpriced in GB

        I did buy one of these last time I was there, but a lot cheaper..😁

      • yeah, Doc.
        I’ve got a carharrt work gilet made from duck canvas.
        last me a lifetime.

        That Field jackets nice,
        think you can get detachable liners for them.

      • Got one for mine, always gets a “where did you get that from” when I’m out and about..

  25. I think we should bring the “Bottom Inspectors” in to sort this lot out by deciding what quantifies as a large arse. Once they’ve come to an agreement on the size, bloomers shall be worn. You’d better start slimming down now ladies if you don’t want to look a right cunt.

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