Touchy-Feely Football Commentators

These days I only bother watching football on Sky/BT via VPN as background noise. But what really irritates me (among many other things, not least bending the fucking knee and Linecunt), is how the commentators are so up-the-arse of some footballers.

How often have we heard them say “He’s a talent”, “He’s got a wise head on young shoulders”, blah blah blah. But none of them have the balls to say anything negative!

Even if a player is playing badly they won’t come out and say “This player is fucking shit. Klopp needs to get the cunt off now!” (admittedly I’m exaggerating just a tad)

Similarly with post-match interviews with players/managers. Commentators always suck up rather than telling it like it is. Something like ….

“David Moyes. You lost 3-0. What the fuck were you playing at you stupid cunt?” would be the question most fans would ask.

But instead the commentators will be more diplomatic and say “A disappointing result, David?”


Nominated by: Technocunt

74 thoughts on “Touchy-Feely Football Commentators

  1. Shirt lifting
    mud wrestling
    hand bags at dawn
    Bread and circuses for the brain dead.
    “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death,I am very disappointed with that. I can ensure its much much more important than that”
    What a dumb cunt. Fuck football. Its not important at all. Its a control mechanism for the prols. Thats the entire reason it was introduced to the dumb fucks art Lazio. mooo, baaaa. cunts.

    • It’s also what the entire community of a lot of towns revolves around. Don’t dismiss something just because you don’t like it.

    • Watched it on a knock-off stick of some sort. (son in law knows how these things work, fucked if I do)
      At least they didnt have women commenting. Although I noticed some bollocks about kicking racism out of rugby. I suppose they will invent it as I have never known it to exist.

  2. To be fair it would seem football commentators have to be very careful with what they say. these days.
    Steve Thompson has been suspended by the BBC for describing a scuffle on pitch as “handbags”. Who the fuck they think that’s going to offend is anybody’s guess.
    See Cuntlestiltskin’s post on today’s Pogues nom for the link.

    • When Joe Jordan at Man Utd became the first £1000 wk footballer.
      Trevor Brooking was the first £1m transfer-although 30 plus years and a swimming pool of strong alcohol has dimmed my memory.
      I am sure Norman will be able to fill in the gaps😀👍

      It got really expensive when cunty agent like that Raoila cunt jumped in👎🏾

      • Wasn’t it Trevor Francis to Man City as the first million pound player?

        It really has gone mad, CG. The top talent goes for such obscene amounts nowadays that clubs also now pay millions for absolute crap. 7 (Fucking Seven!) million for Tom Cleverly?!! I remember the days when horse shit was only a pound a bag.

      • He was but that was just for Britain. I think a few players had cost more than a million by the time of Francis’s transfer.

        Paolo Rossi had cost Juventus about 1.7 million in 1976, for example.

      • TF went from Small Heath to Nottingham Forest. He played in the 1979 European Cup Final and his ex Bluenose team mates went down to Division 2.

      • Norman-I actually laughed out loud at the Tom Cleverly bit😂.
        No way was Harry Slabhead worth £80m. No fucking way.
        Bruno Fernandes is the best bit of business we have done for a while.
        I see Halaand is scoring for fun in the Bundesliga and Champions League-we should have snapped him up.
        Cavan could prove a useful addition, hopefully.

      • Haaland genuinely reminds me of R9. Pity he didn’t choose England – a partnership featuring his finishing and Kane’s passing ability would’ve been sublime.

      • Definately Trevor Francis. Brian Clough still told him to take his hands out of his pockets, million quid transfer or not!

      • Gene-I fucking idolised Brian Clough for his refusal to be PC-he would have loved IsAC👍

  3. Not a match commentator but the biggest arselicker is that cunt Jim White. This loud, preachy haggisbasher can’t interview anyone without sucking on his cock and rimming his shitbox. What a crawling piece of dried up spunk.
    Don’t get him started on his favourite subjects……..racism and homophobia and how great wimminz football is. He’s the sporting equivalent of Owen Jones and always reminds me of that other Jock arselicker, Mr Hudson in “Upstairs Downstairs.” (one for the teenagers there)

    • I remember some cunt on sky saying ‘Jim White is on fire’.
      Imagine my disappointment when I found out that he wasn’t.

      That Hayley (Daughter of Big Gordon) McQueen has lovely tits, mind.

    • I cannot stand that cunt White. How the shitting fuck did he get the job on Talk Sport and more importantly, how has he kept it?

      Don’t get me started on that stream of radioactive diarrhea known as Adrian Durham. The fact that cunt is still alive proves voodoo doesn’t work.

  4. To be fair Rat Boy Gary Neville wasn’t averse to calling out the odd cunt here and there.

    I’m not sure if he’s a pundit anymore as I don’t have Sly but can’t help but think if he ‘held his line’, see what I did there, they’ll have ‘dropped him’

    Don’t you just love a football cliché.

    The lads did well. You’ve got to give the lads credit. The lads. The lads. Fuck off they are men. Well some are.

    I think what’s changed is these fuckers are lorded as superstars and are surrounded by the Clubs PR machine.

    Criticise them and say bye bye to future interviews.

    • Why are footballers always ‘Delighted’? Never ‘Pleased’, ‘Chuffed’ or, ‘Happy’. Always ‘Delighted’. Do they teach them to say that at Footballing School?

  5. I am surprised the commentators mange to stay awake. Most of the fan free games are tedious shite. Then you get anlaysis of every boring incident from that pitiful slobbering scouse cunt Carragher. All this is interspersed with ridiculous apologies “if you were offended by the language you may have just heard”.

    Sticking the knee in for BLM, a minute’s applause for a dead Argie coke snorting cheat, delays for VAR – what’s the fucking point?

  6. Top flight football died years ago. One of the biggest cunt infestations in the country.
    Get To Fuck.

  7. Roy Keane is the perfect antidote to all this. He is completely un PC. He criticises whoever he wants and couldn’t give a fuck who he offends. Still, if you’ve been one of the best players in history, you’re entitled to say what you want. What’s more, people love him for being so honest and it makes good tv.

    • Fucking hell! How many people were listening to a third division game on BBC Lincolnshire? About 2 dozen probably. (great use of taxpayers money)
      And how many complained? My guess would be one. But because it’s perceived as a slight on poofery he gets banned. How many people complain about the oil slick Linekunt using his position to promote woke politics every week? Fucking thousands ……..all wasting their time because browntongue talks the BBC language. Even worse, Thompson has to apologise to get his pathetic little job back while Linekunt stuffs his rich gob with free packets of crisps.

    • Sounds like a load of handbags at dawn 😂

      I don’t understand why when someone complains about bullshit the BBC don’t just say ‘fuck off and get a life’

      I complain to the BBC about being biased, hypocritical, money wasting cunts but they don’t suspend their service to investigate my complaint(s) 😂

  8. Bill McLaren. Knowledgable, unbiased, great turn of phrase. No-one can even come close. And wimmin can fuck off commentating on mens sport.

  9. It’s an effeminate game at the professional level.
    Lamentable puffs acting like school girls.
    Landmine every premiership pitch.

    • Excellent idea. Will save a fortune on gas or leccy for all your ovens. Instant wipeout. Football? Meh…!

  10. I think myself fortunate that I’ve never had the slightest interest in football. People losing their fucking minds over a bunch of wankers. I was hoping this take the knee shit was going to decimate it’s popularity, but it wasn’t to be.
    Carry on wanking.

  11. The collective grief wank over Diego Maradogdirt is particularly vomit inducing.
    Naturally, a gushing tribute and a thorough Argie arse tonguing from slimeball Lineker is to be expected. But all of them are at it. Only Peter Shilton has called the Argie Gremlin out for the cheat he was, but the weren’t even born then libfucks are slinging personal mud and insults at Shilton because he dared to say Maradogdirt was a cheat on the field and in a World Cup (which he fucking was).

    I’ve never got that ‘But… But they’ve just died’ bollocks. A cunt is a cunt. Dickheads eulogising Jade Goody, when she was a fat ugly pig ignorant media whore slag who looked like a hog on the spit. Saint Holy Jo of Cox was a migrant loving anti-British cunt. Yet she pops it and suddenly she’s Joan of Arc Mark II. Now it’s Diego Maradogdirt. Aside from his dirty filthy cheating during a World Cup quarter final, the little whoremongering coked up fat fuck pissed in the face of Falklands veterans and all they fought and died for more than once, and he did it publicly. Sacks of shit like Lineker and other likeminded twats want to think about that. But of course they won’t.

  12. What fuckin’ annoys me the most are the commentators that solemnly announce that the players are bending the knee for Black Lives Matter.
    The last few weeks have particularly had my piss at boiling point when this knee bending has still taken place at the end of a minutes silence or clapping for the passing of two of the greats in English football – Ray Clemence and Nobby Stiles.
    The cunts at the FA keep pushing their mantra of “Respect.”
    What fuckin’ hypocritical twats – they wouldn’t know what respect meant. People really respected these all time greats, unlike the role models of today who push a culture of drugs, hate and real racism.

    • It certainly annoyed me, Bertie. Recently deceased United greats like Nobby Stiles, Tony Dunne and Albert Quixall put on the same (or even on a lesser?) footing as the drugged up gun toting woman terrorising armed thug, Saint Chicken Floyd George.

      Clem deserved better too. A great goalie.

      • I’m one of those rare ones, Bertie. Born and bred in Newton Heath and I have been on the Stretford End since 1974. I despise modern post-Premiership United fans (and especially the foreign social media tosspots) as much as anyone else does.

      • When you tot up all this years (45+) of season ticket support, you have as much right as anyone to feel aggrieved.
        I started supporting them around the same time (when we dipped into division 2).

        The worst part of the modern game is when you get a fucking Mercenary like Lukaku (blek cunt), scoring at Goodison, then pulling his Badge to show he is a true blue. Then the next season, doing it at the Stratford end. Then doing the same fucking thing at Inter.
        The fucking umbongo-we-drink-it-in-de-congo CUNT👎🏾

      • Lukaku is a cunt. The Black Birtles.

        The mercenaries are the worst, CG. Cunts like Adebayor who don’t know the meaning of the word loyalty. Then there’s cunts like Ashley Cole. I also remember that Russian cunt Kanchelskis. He refused to play in the United side in the 95 FA Cup Final against Everton (we lost). Then the cunt is posing in an Everton shirt with the cup. A pure Judas cunt.

    • I could lose my job because of that Spoons! Oh! I forgot, I haven’t got one!
      Greetings Mis. I’m not so bad. Has your abscess cleared up?

  13. There’s only one thing worse than sycophantic ‘football commentators’ and that’s those fucking wimminz commentators.

    They screech to an ultrasonic level.

    Im sure they are only communicating with rats and mice.

    You just can’t take them seriously.

      • She never fucking shuts up too. I tried to watch an Arsenal Europa game but had to switch it off within a few minutes. She seems to be the co commentator for these games now.

        She fucking never seems to stop yapping in that high pitched shrieking voice. Compares her ‘career’ with the men. “You just want to see commitment. I got sent off a few times but it was because I was committed.” Or “He needs to get his crosses in earlier. When I played …” What a fucking joke.

        Makes football even more unwatchable than it is nowadays.

      • Was that the one against Olympiacos last season? She got absolutely pilloried in the comments on BT’s highlights for her commentary there and rightly so.

      • This was the Dundalk game I think. She was also screeching on the game against Molde the other night.

      • I refused, point blank to watch a rugby match the other day as there was a fucking bird commentating. The only opinion I want from you, luv, is where to iron the creases in my uniform. I washed the car, instead. Cunts are alienating fans but they don’t give a fuck.

      • As outdated or bigoted or whatever it sounds…. They need to fuck right off with female co commentator/pundits.

        The cunts cannot leave anything alone without destroying it.

        Co comment on female sports or better still… Fuck off.

      • Perhaps, Gene, yes. She’s not as bad as Eni ‘victim’ Aluko but she certainly comes close.

    • And Rugby and Cricket and for all I know probably Aussie Rules too. Please can’t we get rid of these festering cunts.

  14. This is why I like Chris Sutton. He’s s bit clueless but at least he says it as he sees it and isn’t afraid to hurt people’s feelings.

  15. They wouldn’t dare ask Raheem Sterling an awkward question.

    I used to love the bawdy bar room style banter in the all male studios of the late 70s (can just about remember) and 80s. Smoking and boozing in the studio. Non PC comments flying about. They’d get into proper heated arguments (they’d been on the pop for hours by half time).

    If that Alex Scott had tried to open her mouth Malcolm Allison would’ve tried to shove his cock into it. Or Brian Clough would’ve told her to put the kettle on.

    Now, the panels talk like it’s a kids’ show. The interviews are fucking dull. To be fair they always have been.

    “So, you lost the cup final in the last minute. How do you feel?”

    They still ask the same stupid shit. How about, “Our panel thought you were to blame for your team losing. One of the panel said you were the worst player he’d ever seen wearing the club shirt. Would you care to respond?”

    Footy is pretty much brown bread anyway I suppose, so fuck it.

  16. Lots of my footballing mates are now supporting lower level and non-league football teams-who really do appreciate their support and players will have a pint with the supporters after the match. Non pc and working class.

      • Did you play Norm?
        I played to county level as a teen, right wing. What fucked me is
        women. Aged 15, started smoking, drinking and wenching.

        Like the old joke goes, I wasted the rest of my time!!!

      • Only primary and high school teams, CG. I was a right back, but I was pretty decent. I was an attacking full back like John Gidman (although not as good as him obviously). Then I went to college and discovered birds and exotic tobacco. Women… So much to answer for.

  17. Football’s a load of cunt. Bunch of overpaid, spoilt nancies kicking an ovum around and occasionally falling to the ground writhing in fake agony if they happen to twist an ankle. Complete and utter tosswank.

  18. Sirs:

    Thursday, Nov. 26, Thanksgiving Day — During the pre-game show for the (American) football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Football Team (formerly Redskins), a retired Cowboy turned broadcaster named Troy Aikman informed us that the team that didn’t make mistakes and scored the most points would win.

    Thanks fellas.

    Without getting into the argument about the merits of what we call soccer vs. American football vs. rugby vs. some other kind of rugby etc., let me just say that the primary virtue of these televised sports events is as a backdrop for napping.

    I’ve got it down to a science. I doze off during the first quarter, snooze through the halftime imbecility, and wake up with about six minutes to go in the fourth.

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