Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Madonna [6]

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On the day following the death of the great Aretha Franklin, we are consoled by the major news outlets that another female ‘legend’ of music is alive and well, celebrating her 60th birthday.

That would be Madonna, the greatest one-trick pony of them all.

An individual of minimal talent, this cunt has carved out a nice little earner by being ‘provocative’ and being a perfect template for the modern hopefuls by selling her music almost exclusively through the medium of sex for the last four decades.

Her various re-inventions have simply been periodic swings to and from being a slutty exhibitionist when record sales start to dip or rise accordingly. Lauded as a ‘feminine icon’, I think it is fair to say that the dumb cunt has neither the cunning nor the wherewithal to comprehend representing anyone except herself.

Many people, myself included, have been screaming at old Madge to ‘put them away for the lads’ since the 90s. Continuing her various cunt stunts which are so predictable now, like snogging someone a quart of her age in some grizzly stage show, just show what little this cunt has to fall back on. Even in her 80s heyday that really is all she had to offer. But now, as a fucking pensioner, it is beyond nightmarish and it is almost as if those who know her are too afraid to tell her what a foul cunt she now resembles, all semi-naked hanging flesh with the odd fading navvy tattoo.

The greatest displays of Madge’s cuntitide however have been exhibited away from the mic. The whole black ‘n’ white minstrel adoption saga was a tour-de-force in vapid celebrity parenting; more recently she made a declaration to ‘blow up the whitehouse’ at an anti-Trump event, rapidly backtracking that it was taken out of context once it was pointed out she was on the cusp of comitting a criminal offence with such a declaration. And then we have her various public cuntshows involving her subhuman-looking oldest son and Guy ‘just as talentless Mockney cunt’ Ritchie.

I hate this cunt vehemently and the only indiscretion I’ll ‘fess up to was having a bit of a Tommy Tank over her role in Body of Evidence (1993) one dimly-lit evening during puberty. It was a low ebb, and I was going through a dark time. Otherwise, this repulsive fucking cunt has served to keep me abstinent from sins of the knuckle-shuffle variety throughout adulthood.

Madonna – Mother Cunt.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Seagulls

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It’s about time seagulls were cunted again. These beady-eyed bastards have been causing havoc around Britain for years and they must be stopped. In the 20 years that I’ve been alive, these winged monsters have grown in size and have become increasingly aggressive. They’ve become so confident that they might as well be considered a part of society. They don’t flinch if you move towards them and they have no problem in pinching your grub from under your nose.

The government had previously promised to cull a number of these cunts, however, this must have been all talk as they’re everywhere; and if you don’t see them you can bloody well hear them making a fucking racket. The seagulls in other countries are normal size but the ones here in Britain are fucking obese – just like the people – from all the crap they chow down on.

These aggressive bastards have also been known to attack people and animals. Pensioners have been dive-bombed and unsuspecting pets have been picked up and dropped from a great height. Seagulls are on par with all the ‘minorities’ in this country – they have too many rights and privileges.

This fat bastard of a seagull has taken up asylum on my property. He nicks my cats’ food from right in front of them and he even had the nerve to bolt down my bacon sandwich which I had left unattended for no more than 10 seconds. Like shit off a shovel he was. He buggered off for a while but this massive boss of a seagull has now returned and brought all his chums with him; making a load of noise, looting my food supply, pillaging and shitting everywhere. This cunt is the size of a small dog and it’s beyond ridiculous. Like many other seagulls, he is about five times the size he should be. The sooner this cunt and his crew are gone, the better. Seagulls are cunts of the highest degree and must be stopped.

Nominated by Jayniño

Dead Pool (106)

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Congratulations to our old friend Dioclese who correctly predicted the former UN Secretary General, Kofi Annan, would be the next to die. He passed away today at his home in Switzerland.

On to Deadpool 106:

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Nominations are now open on this post only. AND BEFORE YOU NOMINATE, FUCKING READ THE EXISTING NOMS TO CHECK THAT NONE OF YOUR PICKS HAVE BEEN TAKEN ALREADY! Good luck

Imperial Leather

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WHAT ? It’s soap – you can’t cunt soap for Fuck’s sake. It lathers up reasonably well, cleans all your dangly bits, cludge, pits, mush… Hell, I wash my hair with it ’cause I’m way too tight to buy fancy shampoo.

No, it’s the shape of the fucking thing. Imperial Leather is a harsh unyielding rectangle with vicious corners – not smooth and rounded or tactile in any way. Corners that dig into your vulnerable bits until eventually worn smooth* by manual lathering (*the corners, not your vulnerable bits)

And as for those sharpened edges all round – Fuck Me – Drop the bastard in the shower and if the fucking corner doesn’t get you, those brutally chiselled edges will attempt to liberate your toes from your feet like a blunt soap axe.

I’d swap to Dove but it whangs like a tart’s boudoir…

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

Lloyds Bank Adverts

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Lloyds Bank Adverts ‘We’re here for you’ the inspirational music…is it Fatboy Slim? The majestic horse galloping over the beach..then it cuts to the funeral of a fallen soldier…’We’re here for you’ Lloyds Bank-where the money is stored, the deals are done.

Nominated by Miles Plastic