Lloyds Bank Adverts ‘We’re here for you’ the inspirational music…is it Fatboy Slim? The majestic horse galloping over the beach..then it cuts to the funeral of a fallen soldier…’We’re here for you’ Lloyds Bank-where the money is stored, the deals are done.

Nominated by Miles Plastic

I had to take Mrs. Boggs for a blood test. We will gloss over the two and a half hour wait we had to see the fucking legalised vampire, and the discomfort of sitting under a fucking glass roof all that time. What I can’t forgive is the way the fucking place looks like a cross between a crappy shopping mall and *services* on a motorway: bottles of sodding water on sale for £1.75, a KitKat for £1.25 and apple for 80p, intermixed with stalls selling handbags, make-up and other wimmins things, all at jaw-dropping deluxe prices. As a final insult some old cunt was banging on a GRAND PIANO which the builder/contractor left as a *gift*. The fucking place cost many millions just a few years ago so it is a very expensive gift.

Of course the reason we have hospitals posing as shopping centres is due to that motherfucker Gordon Brown, and his love of PFI, aided by Lady Mandelson Dr Goebells-Campbell and arsehole of the century Anthony Blair. It reminds you again what a fucking menace New Labour was and could be again due to all the poofy Blairites clogging up parliament like a giant turd. Fuck them all.

Nominated by W.C.Boggs

Those of you who have visited Shithouse Park or have had the pleasure of the Stripey Nigels visiting your local football ground will have come across these pathetic tossers. If not , you will have seen them, praised to the skies on BBC Match of The Day by Pearce , Linekunt etc.
They are a bunch of about 2-300 millenials who have decided that football is being stolen from the working class and the traditional fans are being priced out and replaced by tourists and rich cunts. Ok, so far so good, can’t argue with that.
Their answer, however, is to imitate the Spanish and Italian cunts they’ve seen on the telly. So they all dress in black shirts ( very Italian but I don’t think they know their history ) They have drums. smoke flares massive flags and cunts standing at the front conducting the constant chanting and singing with their backs to the play on the field. Yes, all very fashionable and continental but what the fuck has that got to do with the British working class at football?
Well, perhaps I should point out that they also have a political agenda. They are “anti-racist”, “anti-fascist” , “anti-homophobia” and , surprise,surprise, pro-EU. If I tell you that when they are playing cunts like Millwall, Leeds, West Ham etc, they have a police escort from their pubs to the ground you will probably get the picture.
Now these little snowflakes have pulled another trick. They have a special season ticket block on the lower right side of the Holmesdale Road end which the BBC love to give attention to on MOTD. Now these wankers have asked the club to give them a block right behind the goal ,obviously so they could be the centre of attention. The club asked the existing season ticket holders if they would move and , unsurprisingly, they said fuck off. Now the snowflakes are threatening not to turn up.
Fuck me, these pathetic middle class knobs have no idea what working class means, or what football was like before the Premier League, definitely not what an Italian “ultra” is and they need to find out the significance of the black shirt in Italian and Spanish history. I often laugh at these millennial arseholes but, sometimes, I weep for them……..so ignorant and so brainwashed, Ah well, what the fuck can you do?………a few centuries ago they would have cut my knackers off and burned me as a heretic.

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

Why is it that every time I go for a piss these days I lose a pube? Is it age?
I never used to shed them.
It’s a phenomenon that sickens me in the same way that turning around and checking the health of the turd I just logged out doesn’t.

But every single time a coconut, there’s a hair on the bog-roll and it makes me want to barf.
I’m not particularly old I have to say here. As in, no spring chicken but not yet a Cougar.
Why the fuck do I have to deal with random shit changing on me?
One heartening thing is that young people lose pubes too. I know this from cleaning all six bogs in our over-sized house. 14 year old uses one of the bogs and I’m forever finding hairs in this one.
Back story: Francis asked in the fly post “Why six bogs”. Here’s the list for clarification:
Master. En-suite. Huge bathroom with the loo in one corner. his and hers vanities and a tub and shower that would comfortably fit three. I wish.

2 Guests with en-suites. Bogs and showers.

Boys bathroom with large tiled shower as I have a family of mostly large lads and they can piss on the toilet seat in peace or leave the seat up all day and I won’t give a fuck.

One more bathroom opposite my daughters bedroom. Shower over bath and loo. Seat is mostly always down though oldest does like to yellow up the water of a night, but there is never any skids.

My conclusion: Some cunt has a voodoo doll on me and pulls out a pube at random the next time I go for a tinkle I get the joy of finding I’ve lost a hair. Now, I’m no stranger to a Brazilian wax but I might have to make it a regular or get it all off permanently.
At least it’s not fucking gray. (Or Grey for you British types.
So at least there I can count my blessings.
Fucking pubes. I hate ’em; hate my own and I hate wiping my son’s from the various bowls. I’ve got four boys and as far as I can tell at least one’s got pubes so I’ve got a long road ahead of me cleaning pubes from bogs.
I don’t mind skids. And I’m Lynda Carter at plunging blocked loos. There was one time the system backed up and it all came up the boys shower and ran down the hallway and I was fucking Wonder Women at dealing with that river of shit.
But finding a pube is a real stomach turner. Why did we grow them in the first place? Fuckers. They were a novelty in the changing sheds at the age of twelve but they’re fucking ever-present and a curse at this stage of life.

Nominated by CaliAngel