Colin Firth

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Colin Firth is long overdue for a cunting. Every time I’ve been to the cinema recently, the main feature and/or the trailers have featured this talentless cunt with his morose, hangdog face and dead eyes.

Firth’s screen presence is the cinematic equivalent of tumbleweed. He has negative charisma – whenever he’s on screen, the screen seems somehow emptier. What’s baffling is how the cunt ever achieved the kind of leading man status he currently enjoys. Personally I blame the female audience who swooned over him as Mr Darcy – although anyone who finds the idea of Firth in a wet shirt the least bit arousing must be the kind of frigid, sex-starved fat bird whose idea of raunch is a guilt-wracked rub to a Michael Bublé video.

Nominated by: Fred West

Lewis Hamilton

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Now I’ve not watched F1 much since the days when Michael Schumachers biggest rivals were Damon Hill and Mika Hakinnen and also I’m more of a bike man than a car man, anyway…..

Lewis Hamilton irritates me, moreso than any sportsman I’ve heard of for several reasons.

1) He is a monumental whinger. He is Nigel Mansell MkII. Nothing is ever good enough for him and he seems to think the world owes him something.

2) People like to point out that he came from a normal background. Sorry to piss on that parade but the man who has won more races and championships than any other in F1 is the son of a bricklayer and another F1 champion Kimi Raikonnen is the son of a man who drove steamrollers so unless those professions pay a lot more abroad than they do in the UK, Lewis isn’t unique in the “normal” stakes.

3) He moved to Switzerland for “privacy” – now we know he went there to avoid tax and to be fair I don’t blame him. I’d do the same but I’d also just say “I’m moving to a tax haven because I don’t see why the UK government should take 50% of my earnings when they didn’t contribute a penny to my career during the years while rising through the ranks”. Simple. Also people who value privacy don’t date a woman who was in a pop group known worldwide and continues to be in the public eye to this day.

Lewis you may be an awesome driver but you drive a Mercedes and that (and the above), my friend, makes you a womans front bum.

Nominated by: Mr Cunty Pants

Stephen Fry [4]

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The time has come to give arch cunt and “national treasure” Stephen Fry another major cunting.

First he publishes a book in which he admits (some might say “boasts of”) possessing and using cocaine almost continually between the mid-80s and the late 90s.

Then on Newsnight he suggests that the police have no business arresting him because the offences took place a long time ago and that the only person he ever hurt was himself, drawing a spurious comparison with Jimmy Savile as if to say “Look, I only snorted Bolivian marching powder, I never fucked kids”. Well, here’s something Quite Interesting, Fry – the law is quite clear about the penalty for possession of Class A drugs: a maximum of seven years imprisonment and/or an unlimited fine. And what makes you think you’re above the law, you smug, hateful, arrogant cunt?

Then, having warmed to the subject of historical sex abuse cases, Fry added “do we have to name the rock stars that we think almost certainly had sex with fourteen year old children? But those fourteen year old girls were so proud of it that they wouldn’t for a minute call themselves ‘victims’.”

The point is, you despicable ignorant wanker, fourteen year olds are not emotionally or intellectually equipped to make decisions or judgements like that – THAT IS THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THE AGE OF CONSENT, YOU FUCKING RETARD: IT EXISTS TO PROTECT IMMATURE CHILDREN FROM EXPLOITATION BY ADULTS. Presumably the cunt Fry also imagines that all those eleven, twelve and thirteen year old girls in Rotherham were so thrilled by the attention of older Asian men with cars that they were “proud” to be gangraped in grotty rooms above takeaway restaurants? This cunt needs stoning to death outside the BBC. I fucking despise him.

Let’s hope Plod comes knocking on Fry’s door soon and he’s charged for fifteen years worth of Class A possession. With his latest utterances, the fat cunt has significantly expanded both the breadth and depth of his odious cuntitude

Nominated by: Fred West

Cyclists [2]

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Cyclists. Not the Joe average out in the woods with the kids for a Sunday afternoon peddling into heart attack country and a plethora of snapped ligaments, but the type called the “club riders” who congregate in packs in the local B&Q car parks like wasps around a discarded ice cream cone, or more aptly, flies around a steaming turd.

Clad in budgie smugglers, gaudy dayglo lycra tops, avacado helmets and rainbow glasses, they look for all the world like a pack of neon-nazis (which they are).

When enough of the pack have assembled, usually around the busiest time on the road, they fly off into the traffic and create a defence formation that Pardew could only dream of. Often five abreast to prevent anyone overtaking them, they will then proceed at a sedate pace creating a build up of pissed off motorists behind them. God help anyone who encounters them on a B road, expect scratches to your paintwork as they undertake you. Cream one of them, whilst trying to avoid driving into a ditch and they will always ensure there are plenty of witnesses to say it was your fault.

Don’t even think of getting out into the countryside to avoid them, guaranteed that a whole hive of them will apppear out of nowhere and force you off the road.

All in all, a bunch of selfish cunts.

Nominated by: Toadspanker

Sky News

Picture by Mark Richards-Brenda Leyland, troll who has alledgedly attacked the McCanns on Twitter.

If ever there was a bunch of cunts who deserve a proper good cunting, it’s the cunts at Sky News.

Ever vigilant for the opportunity to make up a good story out of fuck all, Sky sent it’s ace reporter Martin Brunt scouring the pages of the Leicester Mercury for a non-story and he came up with a housewife who, like tens of thousands of others, doesn’t like the McCanns. Unable to tell an internet troll from a hole in his arse, Brunt proceeded to handbag the poor cow on her doorstep on national TV.

Having been publically vilified for doing not a lot, she committed suicide the next day.

Well done, Sky News. Hope you’re feeling really proud of yourselves. It’s just a shame you don’t turn your efforts towards some real investigative reporting. Can I perhaps suggest the McCanns, their lucrative charity and what actually happened to their daughter?

Nominated by: Dioclese
A cunt who doesn’t want to end up dead in a hotel room tommorrow.