Monthly Archives: October 2014

Judy Finnegan

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According to Judy Finnegan, rape is only a problem if it causes physical harm. The mental scars are apparently irrelevant according to this washed up, alcoholic old cunt with a face like a Fraggle Rock puppet that a dog has shat on.

Where’s Jihadi John when you need him, eh…?

Nominated by: Fred West

As Yoda would have said, ‘Strong with the retard, this one is’. Finnegan actually claimed that the victim of that rapist footballer suffered no physical injury, and that the rape was not violent.

Get to fuck, you worthless piece of shit. Rape IS an act of violence. There would have been physical wounds, mostly internal. And of course, there’s the psychological trauma of having an arrogant footballer, force himself upon her after she said no. Finnegan is a cunt.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Brooks Newmark

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+ The naked selfie of this cunt +
+ has been removed because the +
+ cunt got Carter-Fuck to threaten +
+ legal action if we left it up +
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Mr Brooks Newmark, Minister for Civil Society (Resigned)

What can one say about the tawdry little tosser? The name is a gift sounding like it’s lifted from a third rate old actor/manager fallen on hard times and playing minor character parts in bad 1950s B movies or a headline from the News of the World circa 1962. Only difference between the Tory sex scandals orf the 60s and today is there are no dodgy prossies and Russian KGB pimps involved. We knew how to rock the establishment in those days.

Come lately to prominence for sexting and emailing snaps orf his decrepit little cock to sad slappers on social sites various. Not really my field but doubtless The Eye can enlighten us. Allegedly at least a dozen photos and more in assorted porno poses. A source told the Sun on Sunday: “He asked her to send an explicit picture back but she refused. The woman had no idea he was married and was horrified when she discovered the truth.”

The victim orf a classic newspaper sting, the horny little cunt was duped into online flirtatious chats and photo exchanges, and sent a graphic snap exposing himself while wearing a pair of paisley pyjamas. After an undercover reporter sent him an explicit picture supposedly of “Sophie”, Newmark then asked for a more explicit picture “Without your hands in the way and legs parted”. He then said: “I’ll send you something in return….”

Caught with his pants down and plastered all over the internet what has a pervie little cunt left to do but to pull a sickie. “I will be beginning residential psychiatric treatment for the next few weeks in the hope that professional help will enable me to salvage my life and my family.”

Mr Brooks Newmark has since resigned his post as Minister for Civil Society, a job that apparantly involved enhancing the exposure orf wimmen in Government circles. Some success surely. He has indicated to the Prime Minister that he will not fight the next erection.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

The Ebola response

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Been greatly arsed by the cunt Cameron’s customarily incompetent response to the Ebola thing. HMG hopping from foot to foot while trying to toss itself orf. Usual arrogant assumptions that the NHS can cope, that border controls will spot any diseased swartzer trying to sneak into the country ect ect. Like bugger hell they will. Remember that these are the same dismal twats that nearly fucked the Union. Tell tell signs orf Ebola are red eyeballs and vomiting and border staff are going to tell these cunts apart from pissed punters returning from an all inclusive all you can drink holiday?

As hordes of diseased African cunts try to come into the country we are sending large numbers orf our troops and NHS staff over to Bugger Bugger Land where they will duly become infected and be brought back here to have every opportunity to spread the virus. On top of all this there are any number orf Christian Missionaries pouring into the region hoping that sporting a pair of Marigolds, a face mask and an erection will protect them if their prayers do not. Now call me an old soldier and an old cunt but thought that the classic way to bring an epidemic under control is to contain it and let it burn itself out.

Point is the jaspers are used to this kind orf thing. They consider a spot orf plague or Deng virus as a natural form orf birth control. All very tragic, every sympathy ect ect but Africa requires its pestilences to keep it vast populations in check. Then the next step is inoculation followed by castration.

You know it makes sense.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke
Sent from my cheapo chinko crappo smartmoneyphone

(…and that Jeremy Hunt’s a cunt too. Ed.)

Maroon 5 [2]

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Maroon 5 are easily the worst musical bastards to be found anywhere, at anytime during all of human existence.

I’d preferably listen to jazz or, and it cunting pains me to say this, Muse!

I dunno who the lead singer is but his voice is so absurdly cuntish it defies all conceivable logic that any sentient person would go out of their way to pay money to listen to it.

The first time I heard ‘Pay phone’ (if you haven’t been subjected to it, please, just… just listen in the once so you can stop it a short time into the ‘song’ and remind yourself that you however bad your life is you still have the control to abort such a terrible occurrence) on the cunt filled abyss that is Radio 1 I genuinely believed it to be a joke/comedy song that was released as a piss-take. It’s the worst song I’ve ever heard.

“I’m at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone? Baby, it’s all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?”

Those are the opening lyrics to the cunt-heap of it.

Take off your caps and stand in a moments reflection on the death of sanity and taste because, you sweet, pure, innocent cunts, that monstrosity sat astride the top of the sales charts in this fair country for 2 fucking weeks.

A dirty, yank, cunt-weasel import that should be drowned in the mid-Atlantic. Maroon cunting 5.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto

Noel Fielding

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Noel Fielding is a cunt. Not only is this ‘Look at me!’ whopper vastly unfunny. He also looks like a total bellend: with his piss poor Bowie/Jagger/Bolan/Cooper ‘I think I am a 70s rock star’ bullshit.

And now that blonde hair and Stetson look makes him appear even more of a prize twat…

Nominated by: Norman