Steven Gerrard and Aston Villa FC
“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s sports correspondent Ron Knee, reporting to you from Villa Park, where I’m joined by Villa’s new man at the helm. Steven Gerrard, Stephano Gerraldo, Stevie G! Wa-hey!”
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… calm down calm down. G’wed”.
“*ahum* yes. Tell us what you know about your new club Stevie!”.
“Eeeeeeeeeeee… yes, no… Villa Aston, famous ol’ club an’ dat. Dey’re boss, but pure antwacky like-ecch. Not wun nuttin’ in an ‘undred years like-ecch”.
“So what are your priorities?”.
“Me top priority’s ta get me piccy takun ‘oldun up de new shairt like-ecch, fer de rags an’ the telly an’ dat. Den I’ll get me trabs an’ trakkies on fer a kick about with the lads”.
“So what’s your initial impression of your new charges?”.
“Eeeeeeeeeee… great bunch of lads, but dey’s playin’ like a bunch of feckin’ meffs an’ fannies at de mo. It’s an absolute show, da big girls’ blouses. I excelled meself in the finer arts of de game, an’ need to learn ’em up pronto”.
“Oh, could you elaborate for our followers?”.
“Well, rollun about like-ecch yer’ve bin shot. Windun up de oppo, gobben off at de ref, spittin’, shairt tuggun. Den dare’s me own speciality, divun in de box”.
“You’ll also be looking to apply your movitational skills straight away, no doubt”.
“I’ll be kicken’ their feckin’ kecks la, like-ecch me arl fella used ta do ta me. Did me no ‘arm”.
“Now some Villa fans of a more cynical disposition are already charging that you see this appointment as a mere intermediary step before you inevitably make your way back to Merseyside”.
“Ya wha?”.
“You’ll be on your toes to Anfield first chance”.
“Eeeeeeee… daydodatdontdaydough. Feckin’ gobshites, de lorra”.
So what’s your message to the Villa faithful?”.
“Walk-ecch on walk-ecch on, with hope in your heart, an’ you’ll never walk-ecch ah-er lone, you’ll NEH-VERER walk-ecch ah-er lone”.
*beep beep* “Aye up la, dat’s me moby pager gowun off ta let me know me bacon butties are ready. I’m feckin’ starvun me, me belly thinks me throat’s bin cut. If I don’t get me scran soon, I’ll end up in the ozzy. See ya, tra”.
“Ah, well sadly, I never got to ask that most interesting of all questions; namely, why does a multi-millionaire insist on going about looking as though he’s had a three quid haircut at a side street barber’s in Govan? Anyway, good luck Steven, something tells me that you’re going to need it at Villa Park if history is anything to go by. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.
Sky News Link
Nominated by: Ron Knee
I often have to wait in a print shop for work to be done and have noticed that the walls are covered with “inspirational” slogans and “motivating” quotes that would drive me mad if I had to work there.
