Superstitions are not only a cunt, they’re weird. This is something I Iearn anew every day, being married to an adorable but eccentrically superstitious woman.

Take today, 30th December, as a typical example. I recently sent off for a pair of shoes from Hotter. These duly arrived this morning, and I happened to put the parcel on the table. ‘What’s that?’ enquired ‘Er Indoors, and upon learning the contents of the parcel, promptly threw a wobbly. ‘Don’t put shoes on the table!’ she wails. ‘It’s bad luck!’. What the fuck?

Next up came the matter of putting up her new calendar. She loves to have one with sunny, colourful pictures by her side of the bed, so this year I got her one with cheery photos of bees and butterflies on flowers. Having nothing much else to do, I went to put this new one up, only to encounter wobbly number two. ‘No no!’ she started, ‘don’t put a new calendar up before New Year’. ‘Why on earth not?’ says I.’It’s bad luck’ says she.

Honestly, I fucking ask you. Putting shoes on a table or a new calendar up is ‘bad luck’. I mean, who thinks up this kind of nonsense in the first place? Whoever it is must be a right simple cunt, and the superstitions they foster as are a pile of cunt as well. Weird. Just weird.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

(According to the Express this is the New Who – Day Admin)

‘Dr Who’ and Auntie Beeb

To; Head of Advertising
‘The Guardian’
London N1 9GU

Araminta dearest

As you know, Jodie Whittaker has decided to give up the title role in ‘Dr Who’ after the most successful, most publicly acclaimed run in the show’s history. Accordingly, I attach the copy for the advertisement for her replacement, and wish to see it placed in our house magazine (just my little joke ha ha!).

As you’re well aware (and must surely approve!), we at the BBC are rigorously committed to the pursuit of equality and diversity, so we’re anxious to ensure that only the ‘right’ applicants are moved forward for consideration. We therefore do not wish to entertain applications from white, able-bodied, heterosexual males (even though such a person has previously played the part for sixty years), but I’m concerned that stating this could be construed as unethical, and possibly unlawful.

Under the circumstances, I ask you to ensure that the following wording is specifically incorporated into the text;

‘Applications are STRONGLY encouraged from differently abled, gender non-specific persons from ethnic minority backgrounds. A stammer, or evidence of an abused background or gender re-assignment would be a distinct advantage’.

Sincerely

Jemima ffarquarson-ffuckwhitt
Head of Casting and Recruitment
BBC Broadcasting House
London W1A 1AA

PS See you at Tarquin and Bunny’s ‘Rainbow’ cheese and wine thrash on Sat? Most of Hampstead and Islington’s been invited, I hear! Ciao! *kiss kiss*

Daily Mail News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

This rag really has no shame it seems. Once a well-respected voice for the underdog as ‘The Manchester Guardian’, over time it has descended into far-left insanity and a voice for the typical Islington millionaire champagne socialist.

Any publication that pays for the turd flinging level crazy views of the likes of Owen Jones, Seamus Milne and Ash Sakar has no credibility whatsoever.

But they’ve managed to surpass themselves. They beg for your hard-earned on their website and claim it is to keep up their fine standards of honest journalism. However, it seems if the narrative doesn’t suit, they just cancel the story now.

The rag has been running a poll for ‘Person of the Year 2021′. And it seems JK Rowling is way out in front.

Despite being a lefty herself, she had the temerity to state fascistic things, such as male rapists should not be allowed to say they identify as women and get access to women’s prisons. Or that it might be a bad idea to inject kids with puberty blockers.

So what has this rag done? Cancelled the entire poll, of course!

Yes, it seems if you’re losing the game, just stop playing and take the ball home with you is now the grown-up attitude to take.

Maybe this will now rub off on our footballers? This might give Gareth Wokegate the idea of getting his players to walk off the pitch when his team concedes a goal, as it hurt his and the players’ feelings. Mental health is so important. The ‘brave’ thing to do would be to walk off, surely?

Anyway I digress, but this is where we are it seems.

Cunts.

Breitbart News Link

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

I’ve drank since a youth of 12yrs.
Asking adults to go in the offey for beer as a nipper,
Then at 15yr in the boozer.

I’m at home in any pub,
Relaxed and hearty.
But of late I’m off my ale!!

Not sure why?
Am I ill?
Am I transitioning?
Maybe I’m late development gay?

I’ve loads of ale, mead, whisky in the house.
It leaves me flaccid.☹️

Something isn’t right.

I’ve no interest,
Cant muster the urge to pour one!
Every cunts bought me some for Christmas and l don’t really feel like it.
I’m becoming a bit Cliff Richard ?
Is this a phase?
Its certainly out of character.
Has this happened to anyone else?
And what’s the cure?
At this rate I’ll end up a ‘designated driver’!
I cant bear the stigma.

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt