BBC News Channel

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Temperature rises, blood boiling, rest mist rising avoiding fucking BBC johnnies tossing on 24/7 about when the new Royal parasite will deliver its first fart on an adoring nation. 100s of these slap head rear entry merchants on vast pay, perks and pensions on a simple shagging story!

Back to the beating heart of the already dated news facility with grungy news persons meandering up a staircase in the background. Now to the fake banter presenters. Wankers cannot read from an autocue without speeding up or slowing down. Learn how to sight read cunts! So there’s been a major nuclear disaster in China but who the fuck is that metrosexual cunt on the stairs?

Now a self congratulatory advertisement featuring our vastly expensive presenters with Mathew Amroliwala in very gay gloves.

We go to our slaphead camp cunt special give you the arsehole correspondent playing pocket billiards in a crap shopping centre in Salford – Salford? Where the fuck is that?

CUNTS 24/7 (at vast expense to johnny public)

Nominated by : Sir Limply Stoke

Posted in BBC

Voters

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People who vote are cunts. Doesn’t matter which party, they are all the fucking same. You only encourage them into thinking that the reason they have attained a following is because they deserve one, instead of the real reason, which is invariably that they wish to inflict their petty prejudices upon the nation in the form of new laws, whilst robbing the taxpayer blind and sucking cock, usually.

What really gets me fuming are dopey fuckers who realise, for example, that the tories are a bunch of chinless, spineless, hopeless bastards, and use this as a justification for voting Labour, even though they are a bunch of bum-sexing, war mongering, expenses fiddling cunts, and vice versa.

The best thing to do with politicians is kill them. Cunts.

Nominated by: Termujin

Satellite telly

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’d like to cunt the dumb motherfucker who thought switching off the analogue television signal in favour of an all digital system would be a great idea. Because it fucking wasn’t. In fact, it was the shittest idea in the sad, shitty, history of shite ideas. As I write this, I find myself staring at a blue television screen because the weather is so bad that the satellite dish on the side of my house can’t pick up the signal from the fucking satellite in a geo-stationary orbit above the UK. Yes, I know big words.

Now I’m sure said motherfucker thought making the UK the first country (or should that be cuntry?) in the world to have a completely digital television system would be cool and prestigious, or some bullshit like that. In truth though, the thick fucking cunt forgot that
(a) Most satellite signals don’t like really bad weather, such as heavy rain and thunderstorms, both of which my part of the UK is experiencing. And
(b) Bad weather is a very common occurrence in the UK.

I’m currently considering stealing the dish from the Lithuanian family that live a couple of doors down from me. That fucker’s as big as Jodrell Bank, and I’m pretty sure they’re sat there at this moment watching Tattooine’s got Talent. Seriously, it’s big. In fact, they’re probably the only people in Manchester right now who are watching television. Even if it is a live broadcast from the Curiosity rover on Mars. Frankly, I’m surprised their fucking house hasn’t collapsed from the weight of the thing.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Boris Johnson [2]

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Boris Johnson is a fat-faced, ugly, bumbling, rich-kid, lazy cunt who needs to be run over by one of his stupid fucking money-wasting buses. Does fuck all for London except show up to cut the ribbon for the cameras and claim all the glory in his personal power-trip of becoming prime minister.

Surrounds himself by people who do all the work and then shows up for the plaudits, usually uttering some totally unfunny drivel to amuse the thick plebs. He has his name added to whatever scheme he’s stealing the glory for, in his usual personal-brand obsessed, cult-of-personality, Boris Boris Boris, power hungry cunt odyssey.

Claims to hate lefties but doesn’t seem to be any different from those cunts and has all the same attributes as a totalitarian, self-obsessed prick. He’s a total fucking cunt and the only people impressed by him are those thick cunts who believe his rhetorical, faux-right-wing, politician-speak, bullshit. Him or Ken? No fucking difference, apart from Kunt Livingstone doesn’t insist on plastering his name on everything. Total CUNT.

Nominated by: MonsieurCnut