Speaking of Christmas adverts, that fucking McDonalds advert. Jesus Christ! What a family of irritating cunts.

“Dad, why are you so grumpy?!” squeals one of little shits in the back of the car. If that was me I would pull the car over, grip the wheel tighter than my Mrs’ arsehole and calmly explain ” I’m grumpy because I’ve created the worst domestic unit known to man. You shits and your mother are such a disappointment to me that I’ve been spending most of my evenings indulging in smack and having sex with the local street walkers. I hate every fiber of your beings”.

I would then systematically shoot each one of them in the face. Leaving that fucking little fuck pig-boy till last so I could see the despair that the child locks had put onto his chubby shitty face, then delicately kiss him on the forehead and whisper in his ear “Like Wizard do you, you camp cunt?”, then put the twats brains over the back window.

Well, that would be what I would do anyway. Merry Christmas.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto

Chefs at Xmas. They’ll all be at it soon -kitchens that look like a grotto, a dozen friends and the token black everything perfect with Bing or Nat singing in the background and to complete the merriment a seasonal cook book, available at all good book retailers, or your local charity shop boxing day, or poundland -buy one get ten free- come Easter.

Never do a good recipe for reindeer stuffed with assorted Santa and Elf sweetmeats do they?

Oh fucking joy unbound.

Cunts.

Nominated by: King Cunt

Automatic tipping is a cunt. Got a taxi the other day, fucking non English speaking paki as per fucking usual, car falling to bits and smelled like 3 week old kipper vindaloo, not only did the cunt not know my hotel ( big hotel ) he couldn’t even use the GPS he had or the radio to call dispatch for assistance. He took the millionaire option and phoned a friend and eventually we got there. Did he expect a tip? Yes he most certainly did and was very specific about it too, suddenly the cunt decided he did speak English after all; “You give 15%, I no go wrong way ” So the cunt expected a tip because he didn’t try to fuck me? Fuck off you cunt!

I have no objection to giving a good tip if I receive good service, but it has to be fucking good. Simply doing an OK job isn’t good enough. If you want a good tip, here it is; learn to fucking type you lazy cunt!

Nominated by: Fat Rich

I do a lot of cruising and it really gets up my nose when they add $10 per person per day ‘optional gratuity’ to my bill ‘for my convenience’. That’s a fucking lot of money on a three week trip!!!

I’ve never been embarrassed to ask them to remove it – sometimes several times before it actually happens! Include it in the upfront price and stop taking me for a cunt, you cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese