Tarzan, Lord of the Westminster jungle, has been monkeying around…..again. As a result, he has been given the heave-ho as a government advisor, after swinging through the chambers of the Lords attempting to put a banana skin under Article 50.

Being interviewed by Sky on 8 March, he said P.M May’s role was a “man-sized” job. Nice one Tarzan, on International Wimmins Day too. That would normally have gone down like a fart in a spacesuit with the Feministas. Although, they will probably overlook it since he’s not just any old Tory toff from the neolithic age, to be ritually castigated, drawn and quartered in public, as would be standard operating procedure, for the loud and proud Fem-brigade.

Instead, he is a new improved ‘Remoaning Old Tory Toff’. Long gone for him, are the days of having to listen to 1980’s  shouts of  ‘Tory Scum’  and ‘Maggie Out’. He’s now a political lion – a giant amongst the bean stalks. Another great white hope, cutting through the Brexit undergrowth, determined to  hack Article 50 to death, like a mob of Rwandan Hutus butchering the Tutsis to slivers with their machetes.

Well, over the years, he may have stashed a nice bit of cash in the business world, which makes him fairly savvy you would suppose.  However, in 2014, he predicted the UK would join the Euro at some point……yeh, right, only at the point of a gun Blondie. I feel, on this issue, he has chosen to back a three legged horse. In fact, I would take the other side of the bet and suggest the next move in Euroland will be to count the countries that head for the exit. The fire exit for both the EU and the Euro currency is going to get very crowded in the next two to three years. The real question is: ‘Which countries will get trampled in the stampede?’

His tribe of Remoaners may well be judged by future historians as the long undiscovered “missing link” in human evolution. Even Neanderthal Man, it seems, possessed more common sense and a better grasp on reality than these characters.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.