If you thought karaoke was bad then check this out and discover even worse horrors in cyberspace.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3oNfYCh5Vg

And Takeo, thanks for the offer to come to Scotland and give us your version of “Granny´s Heilan Hame” but don´t call us. We´ll call you!

I suggest you head further south and try “Knees Up Mother Brown”, “My Old Man´s a Dustman” or some other traditional English folk songs. ISACers can´t wait. I guarantee they will give you a warm welcome.

Sayonara!

Nominated by: Mr Polly

(Sounds like cultural appropriation to me. – DA)

The Pope is a cunt, isn’t he!

“Psst! Have you heard? Mary is pregnant!”
“She is? Who’s the father?”
“Well….people are saying…it’s the Lord.”

Q: What’s worse than the Wuhan Flu and its disastrous, economic consequences?
A: Gossip.

No, this isn’t a low-level BBC-type joke but what the Pope told to the credulous pilgrims in St Peter’s Square recently imploring the dopey idiots not to engage in malicious mutterings.

“Gossip closes the heart of the community, closes the unity of the Church” he said wearing a small pancake hat. “The great talker is the devil, who always goes about saying bad things of others because he is the liar who tries to disunite the Church. Chatting is a worse pest than Covid!”

That Devil sounds like a scandalous peddler of the rumour mill.

The Pontiff also removed his face mask recently whilst meeting worshippers as he chatted to and touched members of the congregation. His Worthiness insisted that the Covid-19 pandemic would be defeated by “God’s love” as he addressed the packed courtyard in the Vatican. Don’t worry Your Eminence, if you contract the ChînkyDink virus you shan’t require a ventilator, we’ll pray for you; that always works.

Psst, have you heard? There is no God

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous 

In case you have never heard of this latest addition to the palace of parasites – the House of Lords to the great unwashed – she is actually pasty-faced Kim Jong Un impersonator Ruth Davidson, erstwhile leader of one of the world´s most endangered species, i.e. the Scottish Conservatives.

Ruthie, as she used to be know before being ennobled, was furious when the BBC referred to her by her new title and ordered it to keep calling her plain Ruth Davidson. In typical supine fashion, the Beeb duly groveled and followed the Baroness´s order.

The little lesbian Baroness, who likes to dress up in uniform driving a tank, doesn´t want voters to think she is a stuck-up social climber who can´t wait to don ermine and get £300 a day just for plumping her fat arse on the plush benches of their lordships´ house.

Being an unelected “representative” is nothing new for Ruthie anyway as she has never been elected to the Scottish Parliament but sneaked in through the list system.

Nominated by: Mr Polly 

Cover ups and the suspicious absence of any name of the cunt that shot Sgt Ratana.

I have this niggling feeling that the longer this goes on the darker the skin of the suspect gets.

But hey, horse face Jacinda Ahern has paid tribute to her fellow New Zealander, even though he was a naturalised Brit as I understand.

Tributes paid by old school friends and colleagues, fine, to be expected.

But what’s the fucking name of the suspect.

This is highly unusual.

Hang on, no name but it turns he was referred to the Anti Radicalisation ‘Prevent’ program.

Oh I see. This is interesting…. looks like they are trying to find out more about his background…….

Really. Now I wonder why that is…..

As i say I have this nagging doubt.

Calais – Dingy – 4 Star Hotel plus benefits.

Could it be……….

Let’s hope Ashley Fucking Banjo can weave this murder into his latest dance routine.

Nominated by: CuntyMcCuntface

Ewan McGregor is a certified cunt. Hopefully this cunting will be the third outing for this twat.

This talent-free, cheesy-grinning bellend has dined out on his Trainspotting role for over 20 years. In Star Wars he was more Wankthenobby than Wan Kenobi. But, of course this is not news, so what has actually elicited this cunting?

Well, Mr McGregor believes he is eminently qualified to give, to the little people (of course) like you and me, his supreme wisdom and why he believes it is now time for Scotland to break free from the shackles of the remainder of the UK.

The wee, muttering bollock McGregor explained, “We’re a very left-voting country, Scotland, and we’ve been under conservative rule for years.” (Say’s the man who currently lives in LA, and also lived in London, ENGLAND! – DA)

After looking at the map of areas that were voting leave, McGregor explained further, “I thought that’s it, you know. The Scottish people want to stay in the European Union and the English don’t.”

He is correct in what he states in terms of wholesale numbers i.e. 1.6m Scottish voted to remain, whilst just over 1m voted to leave the EU. What the map has to do with it is unclear. Many Scottish pro-independence, such as McGregor, believe that due to the Scottish surviving the lockdown, they can survive independence from the UK and pretty much anything thereafter.

Perhaps McGregor should temporarily remove his grinning head from his arsehole and consider a few minor details, such as:

1. How will Scotland fund itself following independence? The remainder of the UK will no longer fund Scotland, as currently under the generous Barnett Formula.
2. How will Scotland pay off its share of the UK debt?
3. What currency will Scotland use? The Bank of England is under no obligation to permit Scotland the use of the Pound Sterling.
4. How will the Scottish/English border be established and enforced? Why the fuck should the UK pay for this given it is Scotland that is pushing independance?
5. The deluded SNP seems to believe that it will be an easy path to re-joining the EU once it breaks away from the UK. That’s the teensy weensy detail that they fail to enlighten their supporters with. “Neh matter, anyhoos. Up the Braveheart and fuck the English – yay!”

McGregor is a fucking clueless lovey arsehole in the same vein as that senile, bald, dribbling old cunt, Connery who doesn’t even live in Scotland.

Piss off.

Nominated by: Paul Maskinback

(Will he give up his OBE if Scotland become independent from the UK? – DA)