‘Good afternoon. I’m calling from the NHS Track-and-Trace Service. According to our system, you are likely to have been in close proximity to someone who has tested positive for COVID-19. This means that you now need to self-isolate for seven days and take a test.’

‘OK. Can you tell me who that person was?’

‘I’m not able to tell you that. That is confidential information.’

‘Right. Um . . . so . . .’

‘But you do need to be tested within the next 72 hours. Can I get the best mailing address so that we can send a kit to you?’

‘OK.’ (Gives Sir Limply Stoke address.)

‘I just need to take a payment card so that we can process all this and send the kit off to you.’

‘Sorry – a payment card? I thought this was free?’

‘No, I’m afraid not. There is a one-off fee of £50 for the kit and the test results. Could you read off the long card number for me, please, when you’re ready.’

‘No, that’s not right. This is part of the NHS, so there’s no charge.’

‘I’m afraid there is. Can you give me the card number, please. This is very important, and there are penalties for not complying.’

Apparently the above is now doing the rounds targeting the elderly. Be particularly wary if they offer a test centre in Nigeria.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke 

“Facebook says it will block a Frenchman suffering from an incurable condition from livestreaming his own death.

Alain Cocq, 57, planned to broadcast his final days after starting to refuse food, drink and medicine on Saturday.

President Emmanuel Macron had earlier denied his request for euthanasia.

Mr Cocq wants the law changed in France to allow terminally ill people to die as they wish.

Some groups, including the Catholic Church, oppose euthanasia on moral grounds.”

Wot a cock-up. In effect the little froggie cunt wants to top himself on air and to live stream his remaining days or weeks for the enjoyment of the rest of us or “pour les autres” in frog.

Has to be better viewing than the general merde on telly during these trying times. Hats off to monsewer cocky I say, your human right old matelot and screw Macron.

Little suggestion – if you do live long enough to make the 24 hour news cycle have a shotgun handy for an up the mouth job if all starts to get boring. Remember your viewers attention spans.

On a brighter note, given the covid shut down and the mental health crisis, you might start a trend me old cocky – a spot of on-line hari kiri from Japan, some Hollywood drugs deaths, spot of failed jihadis detonating the old big bang belt bomb and not to leave out a few teenagers who have failed their exams.

Misery for a few, entertainment for the masses. Such is life – now how could those crap stand-up comics make their acts funnier?

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-54041566

(Despite the rather tongue-in-cheek sentiment from Sir Limply, the subject matter is quite sensitive/serious for some – DA)

LGTV equal rights, be careful what you wish for, this may be premature but it looks like the Birmingham stabbings where centered in the Birmingham gay village, so by waving flags and acting like cunts you invite nutters with knives who want to harm you.
Also the police are saying lots of people in Birmingham look like the stabber(excuse the pun) so this means an ethnic group who like to stab each other (with knives no pun intended) so it may not be the usual muzzy terrorist its a new type of gay bashing, so the lgtv group have put themselves back to the 80,s same as BLM, so well done equal rights you wanted, it appears that’s what you’ve got……enjoy cunts!

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

I’m sorry, but I don’t even know where to start with this cunting. The following publication was recently brought to my attention:

https://www.cocoagirl.com/shop/

I have so many questions going around in my head, it is making me dizzy:

1) Why cocoa? When I was at school, we used to get told off for calling the black kids chocco. Is it like n1ggaz, where the black coomoonitee are taking it back?

2) Is it actually a p3edo mag? I know the LGBT lot are desperately trying to get “P” added to the alphabet soup that they are, and maybe they are doing under some sort of BLM thing (Doesn’t appear to be a peado magazine, but more about empowerment.-DA)

3) How is it allowed? I can only imagine the uproar had the Klan published a rag called “Wh1te Boys”.

4) Why is it boys and not boys and girls? Is it to make it accessible to the peacefuls? By the way, there seems to be a female version called cocoa girls. Perhaps that is for peacefuls?

Oh my fucking Lord. Just when you think we had reached rock bottom, there is still further to go.

Nominated by:Lord Cuntingford

..and to support the Lord’s 3rd point, there’s this from Komodo

white boy on Esquire’s cover generates antiwaycist shitstorm…

https://www.bizpacreview.com/2019/02/13/esquires-american-boy-cover-story-launches-white-bashing-tirade-over-trump-supporting-teen-723675

It gives me no pleasure at all to offer the Duke of Sussex up for execration yet again. What has the cunt done now? I hear you ask. A deal with Netflix. We know, I hear you say, scornfully. Old news.

No, cunters, this is the follow-through to that diplomatic fart. He’s shat on the Invictus Games, the only thing that actually justifies the cunts existence, though not his avarice. Apparently the Games were to have been shown on Amazon, and Netflix told him to withdraw his support. And he did, the pussywhipped nomark. What a cunt.

https://paperdabba.com/2020/09/07/harry-and-meghans-brutal-move-days-after-150m-netflix-deal/

(Originally a Times (paywall) article, confirmed . However, it is now the subject of a legal complaint by Sue Grabbitt and Runne for the Duke of Cunts. Guess the legal profession’s falling over itself for those two )

Nominated by: Komodo 

..and seconded by General Cuntster (Deceased)

An auxiliary cunting is in order for…who else…Mr. and Mrs. Markle-Hewitt.

Let’s get right to it:

Immediately after signing the deal with Netflix, Mr. and Mrs. Markle-Hewitt cancelled their scheduled Invictus Games fundraiser.

In a letter sent to Invictus, an attorney representing the Markle-Hewitts said the cancellation was due to a conflict with another streaming service. (Translated; They signed with Netflix and Invictus is with Amazon.) A sycophant for the Markle-Hewitts claimed the cancellation was due to Covid-19.

In short; they got the big bucks and the wounded soldiers got dick. Bravo, you pussy whipped, formally royal cunt.

However, there’s more:

In a statement issued today Mr. Markle-Hewitt announced he was making a “donation” to the Sovereign Grant. Another sycophant went on to say:

“This contribution as originally offered by Prince Harry has fully covered the necessary renovation costs of Frogmore Cottage, a property of Her Majesty the Queen, and will remain the UK residence of the Duke and his family.”

(How many things can you find wrong with that statement?)

Furthermore, a “well placed source” told the Mail:

“Harry made very clear from the start that he wanted to repay that money because he felt that if he handed it back then no-one would have the right to control him.”

So, Mr. Markle-Hewitt. You sold out your country. You sold out your family. You sold out your heritage. You sold out the public’s trust. And you sold out the wounded soldiers. Well fucking done indeed! You’ve proved, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that no-one, except Mrs. Markle-Hewitt, controls you.

Clueless, halfwit cunt and his manipulative, halfbreed, cunt wife. They’ll fit right in with Phonywood’s SJW parasites.

(Sources and quotes taken from The Daily Mail.com, PageSix, Vanity Fair, and Town and Country.)