I don’t mean some Holy Roller Evangelical from Dayton, Ohio. Quite the opposite. I mean those people who are always bashing the Bible.

”It’s a bunch of fairy stories’. Yes Bible stories have like a fairy- tale like quality but a Bible story has I believe a connection to historical fact.

Chesterton called the Bible -‘The Fairy tale that is true’. Tolkien-‘The myth that is true’.
Bible bashers read it the wrong way. Or put another way the New Atheist is as fundamental as the Fundamentalist.

They take everything so literally. There they are with their great big sausage fingers in the text ‘but it says here that the Ark was…’ 80 cubits this and 40 cubits of whatever it is ‘so we know that it couldn’t float…’ or some such…but that was only a literary convention. A lot of ancient writing is like that. Very detailed. The Iliad is.

We often hear of some terrible disaster as being of ‘Biblical Proportions’. But I always think that ‘Biblical Proportions’ should rather mean a smallish disaster. In the Bible it says the Flood ‘covered the whole world’. But the whole world back then would have been ancient Israel. I have heard that it could be translated as ‘The Flood covered the whole land’.

I think Noah existed. He is described as a crank and drunkard. Very human. He was ridiculed and scoffed at for putting all his energy into building ‘his Ark’. Just like some American ex-forces building a bunker in the desert to escape nuclear Armageddon.

There is truth in the story I mean. It rings true. I know some moron who’s only read it in Wikipedia will mention Gilgamesh. That there is a similar story there. But that just proves there were catastrophic floods back in ancient days. Like there was a huge catastrophic flood in 2004. Like there have been floods throughout history. I just believe some visionary could have predicted it and prepared. Like Noah.

The animals went in two by two. Once again that would be the animals Noah had. His livestock. This is what I mean- about literary convention- one of them was HYPERBOLE. Something happened and it was deliberately exaggerated. But SOMETHING DID HAPPEN.

The Parting of the Red Sea. A miraculous escape. We know that the Red Sea can at times under certain atmospheric conditions PART. See link. I am not saying the Red Sea Pedestrians were waiting for the little green man to appear and then they crossed but SOMETHING, something as in the link could explain it.

The 10 plagues of Egypt. I always think of that line in Shakespeare – ‘“When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions”. When one load of suffering is compounded by more and more suffering (a bit like now).’Could things get any worse?’ we often think to ourselves. Well they did for the ancient Egyptians. And once again all the 10 plagues can be explained scientifically. See link. The Burning Bush. That burned and was not consumed. I just can imagine that. Can’t explain.

Balaam’s Ass. The Ass who could talk. Now this is a difficult one. Cardinal Newman said he was prepared to believe it. I remember once a bird singing and I felt it was talking to me.

Old Testament times are known as ‘Sacred History’. When fantastical things happened. A time of supernatural events, a special time.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-11383620

https://www.livescience.com/58638-science-of-the-10-plagues.html

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

This arsehole has been condemning the protests by 15000 people opposed to the return of draconian lockdowns. Regardless of the varying opinions on the subject, and there were probably a good few loonies in attendance, where was the leniency shown to other recent protests? The cops weren’t fucking around, and got stuck in, none of this taking a knee shit. Khan is quite happy for protesting in London if it’s a cause he supports, BLM, anti Trump, XR cunts, so I wonder what the factors were that made him feel the need to condemn this one?

Nominated by: Gutstick Japseye

…and again by Ron Knee 

Many of you out there in IsACland will have heard of the legendary radio show ‘It’s That Man Again’ (‘ITMA’), which aimed at boosting morale in the dark and dreary days of World War II.
I’d like to suggest a re-boot for the dark and dreary days of Covid-2020, entitled ‘It’s That Cunt Again’ (‘ITCA’), starring that much loved Cockney comedian Sadiq ‘My Old Man’s A Bus Driver’ Khan. After all, when the mood needs to be lightened, we can always depend upon the vertically challenged Mayor of London to put a grin on our faces.
So what’s the short-arsed twat done now to demonstrate his ineptitude? Well, ever keen to promote his image and throw in a bit of virtue-signalling in the process, good ol’ Saddie rolled up his sleeve, put on his face mask, and took advantage of a great photo opportunity to show himself getting his flu jab.
There’s just one problem. It’s a fake set-up for the cameras. As he sits there heroically waiting for the doctor to plunge the needle in, it’s clear that the plastic cap is still on the syringe.
Just a little prick Mr Khan; oh, and the needle’s very small too…

…and another one, this time from W. C. Boggs 

A Capital, but Halal cunting, please, for the blithering, slithering idiotic oily heap of shit currently masquerading as Mayor of London Sadiq Shortarse Khan. The wanktrumpet has been agitating for the past two months, threatening to have a “London-wide lockdown”, presumably so that the Norman Wisdom of politics (Khan) can be as important as Mr. Grimsdale (Boris). As late as last Friday (2nd October) he was threatening this possibility “within the next few days”. Come Monday the 5th he has changed what passes for his mind:

Clever eh?. He has obviously been advised that such a lockdown would be unworkable, given all the BAMEs who would ignore it, the kids, who he has to keep on side would ignore it. You might say he was being sensible, but no, this stinking carcass of a “politician”, one of the New Labour throwouts, is hedging his bets. He won’t have a lockdown because the information isn’t clear, and the reason it isn’t clear is due to the government.

No Khan backed off because he knew it would ruin his chances of hanging on to his job next May.

This pusillanimous fucker ought to be shown up for what he really is – a career politician, a mealy mouthed chancer just full of piss and wind.

When they circumcised him they threw the wrong end away.

We all do stupid things in our youth, often related to alcohol.

But one thing I never did was to race around the roads behaving like James Hunt. For a start, doing so in a small underpowered car looks ridiculous. So why do modern youngsters and let’s be honest it’s mostly lads of 17-24, try to emulate Lewis Hamilton? I mean we all know what a toerag he is on and off the track.

The odds are already stacked against them; they have to pay huge insurance premiums. And plod is always on the look out for tearaways. Yet still you see them speeding along the streets, doing wheel spins, overtaking on bends, hounding other motorists.
And driving far too fast in wet or wintry conditions when they haven’t a a clue how to handle a car in bad weather. They think black ice is something you mix with vodka.

A young man tried to convince me that old people are the worst menace on the road. And yes there are old duffers who creep along holding everyone up and the occasional twit driving the wrong way up the motorway. However, the statistics don’t lie and it is the young who cause the most danger by far.

I know you can’t tell this generation anything, they already know it all, but they need to learn that driving is a skill you learn over many years and that you literally can not cut corners.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss

Greetings, popickers. Let’s hear it for a golden oldie of yesteryear – at least 10 years and that is an eon in pop terms, for Mr Young, who, it seems, used to enjoy letting the train take the strain, as he knocked one out in the train lavatory spot:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-8767571/Will-Young-reveals-buy-porn-pleasure-train-toilets.html

What people will reveal when they are desperate to sell a few books – and trying to revive a flagging career. I am not sure pocket billiards on the Chiltern Line is the best way to go about it however.

One thought occurs – why didn’t he travel on the same trains as Mandy and Anthony Blair? I am sure they would have been delighted to take him in hand.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

People and tourists who talk during church service

These chattering classes deserve to be poked and prodded in the fires of Hell by Greta Thunberg and Hillary Clinton-faced devils for eternity.

I arrive early for mass to enjoy the silence that is unique to a church. However, this peace is often shattered by some nattering old bag talking about her favourite telly programme or grandson´s latest “funny” remarks. The acoustics mean that their inane chatter echoes so moving pews doesn´t help. I´ve told people to shut up a couple of times although I´m not sure today´s namby-pamby priests would approve.

Other irritating interlopers are tourists in their baggy shorts and tee shirts, clutching plastic water bottles and wearing baseball caps, wandering around as if they were in a park, talking and taking selfies. The Chinese, who know sod all about Christianity, are the worse. Fuck off back to Wuhan and leave me and God in peace!

Nominated by: Mr Polly