Hello cunts,
I’ve finally given up on the Today programme after over 30 years of it being my tea in bed morning go to on the wireless (except on the odd occasion when I’m having my balls drained by the Kelly Brook lookalike I pulled in a nightclub the night before).

Now I’ve had enough of listening to this sanctimonious old boot with her go to phrase…wait for it…’WILL YOU BE APOLOGISING FOR YOUR BLAH BLAH’ Its normally administered to some hapless gin sodden cunt of a politician, sportsman or celebrity that has happened to be so cunted pissed that they had the temerity to post something on Twitter that failed the now mandatory national woke guidelines of Mother Wokishness of Cuntcutter.

I wish someone would have the guts to reply to her and and say something like…’Michelle I will not be apologising or resigning and further more you can go fuck yourself and tell the rest of the left wing looney commie pinko metropolitan elite woke twats you work with to fuck off as well.

And even further more I will post what the fuck I want on Twitter or anywhere else for that matter without having to make a grovelling I will reflect on my actions and have made a donation to the Royal Society for the Support of Woke Cunts statement…in fact I am going to post a picture of my wedding tackle standing to attention on twitter tonight like that cunt Senator or Congressman did in the USA although I wont be sexting with a chav cocktail waitress like he was and you can shove it up the part of your anatomy where the sun doesn’t shine…

I will come in to the office with my head held high today and flirt like mad with the milf in the research section who always gives it big licks with me who I reckon I’m in with a shout with her at this years Xmas do…

I’m then going to have a 35 minute dump whilst reading the Daily Mail…after that I’m going to spend some time doing my weekend football bets on the internet…after that I’m going to my club and get cunted pissed and fuck off home and order a fucking great tiddly wink on Just Eat…so fuck off….’

Got that off my chest…what do you think cunts??…I hope I am not the only one that thinks she is a CUNT.

Yours in cuntishness

Nominated by: Mr J Stilton-cheesecunt

Government vaccine desperation is a cunt. Dollar Store vaccines.

Get it now, while stocks last…free pen for anyone willing to take the stuff.

Shortage scare stories are the latest tool in this dogshit government’s armoury to try and get people who dare to question having an experimental drug injected for a virus that you have to be tested to know you have in the first place.

The Evil EU coming over here and grabbing our vaccines, vaccine syringes laid out on the sun loungers that Bosch will get to first.

Come have the vaccine, factory clearance and you will be free…free to wear masks for “the foreseeable future”, free not to see your family and friends, free to do nothing but work, pay for Boris’s flat and Matt’s mates new Bentley.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9399531/Over-50-Book-jab-Older-patients-waiting-vaccine-warned-quickly.html

Nominated by: Spanky Mc Spank

But then there’s this from The Big Chunky Cunty 

Domestic Vaccine Passports

Papiere bitte!! Schnell! Schnell!!

Well well. Here we are, at last. The tyranny of the covert ‘conspiracy theory’ finally becomes the overt reality. Satan, aka Blair, has whipped out his rotting putrid black member and demanded Boris bash you across the face with it on April Fools of all days. “Ha! April Fools, you fucking peasant plebs!”.

Despite the repeated denials by MPs, despite the ‘public consultation’ review not having even been concluded by Gove, the glorious leader has now decreed that Brits will in fact have to submit to the most tyrannical intervention in British history if they want their old lives back.

This was always the plan evidently. We also learn stadiums and companies have already been investigating facial recognition systems to tie into this bullshit. How long do you think that has been going on behind the scenes?

This IS coercion to get a vaccination. It is against the Nuremberg code. But the ruling class don’t care. Why would they? They are nazis at heart anyway.

Accept this and our country is actually finished.

…and a late entry from W. C. Boggs

Ugly Lateral Flow Tests

A special fuck everything and everybody, words-fail-me cunting for Boris, the bloody Chinky virus and the BBC in no particular order,

Boris has got a bee in his bonnet again about LFT which are notoriously ineffective, giving both false positives and negatives with alacrity. No guarantee anyone will adhere to the “rules” anyway. Bollocks to the bloody tests.

He wants all of us to have 2 a week. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Count me out.

Are the government REALLY trying to finish the country off once and for all economically?. Don’t do Dame Keir and his commie poofs work for him.

The BBC, ever anxious to leap on the bandwagon put this photo up overnight:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56632084

What a revoltingly ugly woman to foist on us in the early hours of a Monday morning.| If they had to do a photo, couldn’t it have been lovely Lisa Nandy in her bra and pants applying the cotton bud.#

Virus, rules, test, track and trace – I aint bovvered.

Not the chaps in black, or white, hats.

Those that put their selves on sites like My Builder.

My neighbour needs an overgrown tree removed. She’s recently widowed, so I offered to help, posted on a couple of the ” my job ” sites.

First one, did he ( appear ) coy. A grand.

Second one, £465. What? Did you miss a 1, no £465.

Guess who got the job. He even recycles all the shit, to allotments, wood burner owners, he might have a ginger beard, but I tip my hat.

Nominated by: Jessum Priest

and seconded by: Spanky Mc Spank

Seconded, I was cut up by a cunt in an old banger with “check a trade” stuck all over it.

The cunt followed me all the way to my next job so I was foaming mad by that point. When I got out and told him I’d check his fucking trade and post the dash cam footage of him driving like a numb nuts all over their crappy website he couldn’t apologise and fuck off quickly enough.

Check a trade, check my “builder” and all those dodgy services can go suck a dick, most people have horror stories of these cunts.

A bit of multiple cunting but please hear/read me out.

I used to have a bit of wedge and owned a Omega Seamaster, a Tag Carrera and a Rolex Oyster. Nice collection of watches. Through chance and circumstance (caused mostly by myself) I pawned the Tag and Rolex – the service charges, especially if they’re broken, are more expensive than servicing a car.

That said, I keep the Omega because it’s quartz and needs a battery as opposed to being mechanical/automatic (working off the kinetic energy when you wank).

I then bought a Royal London watch (not an insurance freebie, you cunts) which has a Miyota movement – a Citizen watch’s movement that is one of the most reliable and sold worldwide.

I had three quartz watches (the Omega, the RL and a Casio Pro-Trek. The battery on the Pro-Tek (200m of water pressure resistant) ran out so I took it to Timpsons to replace the battery. Their operative (I use this word lightly) did the replacement there and then and did admit that, perhaps, the 200m resistance would not be effective. However, he did day that 100m of effectiveness would be the product of his work. Plus Timpsons give you a lifetime guarantee on their work.

Needless to say, I went for a swim during October (during the brief unlockdown) and it misted up. 100m? It couldn’t even do 1m. Cunts. They took my watch and sent it to their factory. When it came back, I wore it in the shower and it conked out. CUNTS.

The added problem I have is that my Omega and the RL watch need new batteries and the only place I want to to take them is Watch Lab, who did this shit properly. However, I can’t because of fucking lockdown.

One positive is that I’ve bought a Citizen eco watch which uses light to power itself.

Dry cleaning, shoe heels and new keys – go to Timpsons.
For watches, Timpsons are CUNTS. Fuck ’em.

Nominated by: Dark key cunt 

https://www.timpson.co.uk/

The NCA (national crime agency) deserve a good cunting!

They carried out a successful operation in which a Turkish lorry driver was detained on the M25 on his way to Dover to smuggle 16 (im)migrants out of the UK! Yes, that is correct, OUT of the UK

I would like to carry out a successful operation where I can get hold of the details of this Turkish lorry driver and ask him if he has any friends and relatives who also drive lorries who are willing to smuggle OUT as many illegals as they fucking can!

NCA indeed!

Fuck off!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-surrey-56481377

Nominated by: TheBestRevengeIsLivingWell