No idea why I chose this image…

Grrrrrrrrrr…. I’m just back from a short walk, and another pedestrian crossing altercation with an entitled lycra cunt on a bike.Time for another cunting on the subject, I fancy.
In mah day, a bike was an easy, reasonably affordable way for your working stiff to get about. Get yourself a cheap but sturdy set of wheels and some clips for your strides, acquire an understanding of the Highway Code, and off you went.

Sadly nowadays, fewer people seem to use the bike for such basic functions as a trip to the shop or getting to work. Unfortunately, we’ve entered the era of what might be termed the ‘recreational’ cyclist, and boy, they just HAVE to show the rest of us just how dedicated they are to their ‘sport’. So how do they do this?

Well first off, you’ve got to ‘invest’ in at least three or four grands’ worth of kit. Of course, the most essential item is the bike itself, and not just any old bike. No, you need an ultra-lite, carbon frame, 80 gear turbo racing job.

Sneer at anything costing less than a grand, but if you’ve more money than sense, you can part with upwards of 10k for your wheels.

Then you’ll need to demonstrate that you’re not just committed but fashionable with it, so you’ll need an ultra-aerodynamic Klignon contoured helmet, a Spider-man outfit in lurid salmon pink and black (suitably emblazoned with logos) and a pair of toe-crushing plastic shoes in lime green.

If the budget can extend to it, you’ll also definitely want a helmet camera. This will enable you to set up a Youtube channel where you can post films and whine sanctimonously about the trangressions of other road users.

Next, it’s advisable to master some of the basic dark arts theory of cunt cycling before you venture onto the road. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, a cheap but effective method is to subscribe to a magazine such as ‘Lycra Loony’ (incorporating ‘Two Wheeled Cunts’).

You’ll find it packed with great articles and useful tips, such as how to blind other road users with a flashing high-powered light, and the latest insults and hand gestures to hurl at pedestrians. Dvds can also be a very useful aid, providing the necessary travel details and type of background information which will help you bullshit your mates about your participation in the likes of the Mallorca 312.

Next, to show your REAL commitment to the cause, you MUST join your local cycle club. There, you’ll find the fellowship of like-minded saddos that you yearned for during those long hours of solitude in your bedroom at your mom’s house.

Most importantly, you’ll get that vital practical experience of such matters as how to hog the road in a group of twenty, while exchanging chit-chat about high-protein drinks, and measures to avoid getting your arse spattered with mud in wet weather.

So that’s you. Off you go now to enjoy yourself posing about, while driving the rest of us to distraction. Yes, you’re a fully-fledged cycle cunt. Yeah, and the same to you, with fucking knobs on.

Nominated by – Ron Knee

I’m certainly not adding a pic of Lisa Riley to this nomination.

I have recently been getting 2-3 messages every day from “Lisa Riley”…I’m assuming it’s the Fat Sow out of Emmerdale ( Mrs. Boggs will doubtless know who I mean)…telling me about the benefits of some fat-busting pills that she swears by….what I don’t understand is why tell me about them.

I’m not fat and have never in my life looked up weight-loss programmes…and even if I was some lard-arsed gut-bucket, I doubt that Lisa ” Land-Whale” Riley could convince me that she has the answer to my porkiness.

I can understand the e-mails from advertisers telling me about the 15 horny housewives who are itching to fuck me and live within a 2 mile radius of my house ( although I only know of Old Widow Charlton and at her age,mid 80s, I rather suspect her days of horniness are behind her)..my ” browsing” of Pornhub in order to be outraged would explain these e-mails.

I can understand the e-mails from Crown Prince Chetewayo Umbongo asking me to help him transfer billions of dollars out of SootyLand…my reputation as a vast Landowner and Man of Substance attracts that type.

I can understand the e-mails inviting me to buy Bitcoins…my reputation as a vast Landowner,Man of Substance and complete Fuckwit make such approaches inevitable….but I really can’t understand why Lisa Riley would consider me a Bloater ripe for plucking.

PS…Vanessa Feltz is a fat Cunt.

Nominated by – Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

Yusuf Rahim

Oh no, not another fucking Peaceful I hear you say. Well not quite, this one used to have a different name……..Levi Bellfield.

Oh yes Levi has converted to the Peaceful faith, changed his name, prays 5 times a day, reads the Koran and eats all that shitty Peaceful food.

Of course there’s a reason for this. There are 3 gangs in HMP Frankland…..the whiteys, the blackies and the Peacefuls. The whiteys and the blackies won’t accept rapists and child murderers so you have to become a Peaceful to survive.

Just when you thought a piece of shit like Bellfield couldn’t get any lower he manages to pull it out of the bag. What a cunt eh?

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog 

Child Killer Converts to Islam

‘Green leader resigns’. I thought that’s old news. He resigned last month didn’t he. Anyway I clicked on it. Turns out that Sian Berry has resigned from the leadership of the Greens. But she was only appointed not long back wasn’t she?

It was Johnathan Bartley who resigned last month (to spend more time with his family). He was the co-leader of the Greens for cunters who are unfamiliar with this bullshit. He resigned from the leadership.

Now Sian has resigned from the leadership. And the reasons she gives? A ‘lack of leadership’ on her part. She felt that the party was sending ‘mixed messages’ over Trans Rights. So she has resigned. But she doesn’t blame anyone NO only herself.

It was HER ‘lack of leadership’ in persuading her colleagues for a more robust Trans Rights policy. But where was her co- leader in all this? Oh I forgot that’s right he has already resigned the leadership to spend more time with his family. So they have gone from a full compliment of leaders to no leadership at all.

What will happen? Well there’s a woman called Womack. Amelia. (Could you get a more Green name than that?) And she is the Deputy Leader. But wait a moment if there are two leaders surely there must be two Deputy Leaders. Seems not.
Will this Womack woman take the reigns of power?

I’ve just googled their constitution and it says there has to be two leaders one from both genders. And the same with the deputy leaders one from each gender. But I can only see one Deputy Leader. And she’s a woman. This Womack woman. But then it occurs to me she is not a man. Maybe she’s (he’s) a tranny and can bestride like a colossus this political gap.

Anyway, come to think if Sian is all for trans rights and presumably doesn’t recognise the traditional divide between male and female she is supporting a transphobic agenda isn’t she?

As I say I have just googled their constituion. And it truns out that the leader or the co- leaders the deputy leader or the deputy leaders have to be re-elected every two years. That aint very long. That’s the reason I thought why we keep hearing of the leadership of the Greens. Or the lack of leadership.

Yes, that’s it Sian. You have shown a ‘lack of leadership’ in your own words. But there is a ‘lack of leadership’ in your very constitution. I mean a lack of time. If the leadership of the party is up for relection after only two years there is not enough time for the leader or leaders to establish himself/herself. Or themselves.

Nominated by – Miles Plastic

Links helpfully provided by – Jack Nastyface

Berry Resigns

Berry quits over trans rights

The recent EU ruling on employers being able to prohibit wearing of hijab at work immediately receives criticism from 5-Pillars.

The claim being that –
“ … the EU’s legal order has given carte blanche to private businesses to adopt racist hiring practices”. For fucks sake, this ruling was as a result of a case brought by two German women!!

Are they suggesting that the EU are being racist against Germany? The ruling equally applies to any woman wearing the hijab, irrespective of race or ethnicity. Granted, it is taking a swipe at RELIGIOUS practices, but it has been made clear that the ruling applies to ANY religious wear.

The Muslim Association then said –
“ .. this is another example of Muslim women being told what they can and cannot wear”. Try wearing a mini-skirt in Iran or similar cuntries. (not a spelling mistake!)
Fucking hypocrites.

https://5pillarsuk.com/2021/07/15/employers-can-ban-muslim-women-from-wearing-hijab-eu-court-rules/

Nominated by – Cassandra