Nicola Sturgeon [5]


Time to re-cunt the repugnant Nicola Sturgeon who is now demanding a second independence referendum unless David Cameron reverses his welfare cuts and halts plans to renew Trident.

What was that about the previous referendum “settling the issue for a generation” you hypocritical cunt…?

The people of Scotland are reportedly referring to Sturgeon as a “national treasure” (and regulars on here know that is code for “cunt”). Personally I think national treasures should be treated the same way as any kind of treasure – bury it in a field in Lincolnshire and let Phil Harding dig it up and wank over it in two thousand years time.

Nominated by: Fred West

Dimbleby on Scotland


Have been keeping me head well down out orf line orf fire orf all this referendum bollocks. Twas until I thought I might watch the Dimblebum interview with Brown and Salmond. Might see Salmond put to the question at last. Ha! More fool me. Usual BBC hatchet and toady.Two separate interviews. Brown on first and hardly allowed to give an answer without interruption then next Salmond allowed to comment on everything Brown said while Dimblebum sucks his cock and fails to ask him one penetrating question.

Thought Brown stood up quite well to his onslaught while the slippery Salmond cunt oozed more oil than a deep fried Mars bar. But bugger me, this was the apogee of debate over a matter so crucial to the nation. News generally seemed to be reporting that with over 80% now registered to take part in the referendum and polls still neck and neck with both sides scrambling to capture the allegiance of those that usually cannot be arsed to vote ie dossers, crack arsed single mums and pissed old fuck pensioners in shitty underwear.

Thus the fate of this sour nation of inbred celts, norse and scumbags, that prides itself on having once been the Athens of the North, is to be decided on the basis orf which side will provide the highest level of benefits. And how are their pledges to be paid for? The No campaign have that worked out. They will keep the Barnet Formula which means that the English will continue to have the pleasure orf paying for it. Salmond’s mob have not a clue other than somehow the English will have the pleasure orf paying for it. All based on the length orf their hair or some such.

Makes one proud to be one nation.

Oh and fright orf the night was to see Nicola Sturgeon in her new makeup based on Morticia from The Addams Family.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Independence referenda

Tipton referendum

This secession malarkey is addictive. I’ve always advocated the removal of Tipton from the union thus forming the ‘Tipton Independent Territory’ or what about: ‘Cede Unite Nationhood Tipton.’ Trips off the tongue doesn’t.

My first act as ‘Urbancuntbumfuhrer’ would be to annex Netherton and Stourbridge. England can keep Birmingham and Dudley. As for Smethwick- a mysterious fire will ravage the district from the Dudley Road to the marches of Ickneild Port. The devastation will be total; no change there then.

For Tiptonites there will be subsidies on Carlsberg Special Brew, hot chips and blue pop. All male children will be henceforth known as ‘Ronaldo.’ Female brats will have the choice between ‘Char’mane or Shi’anne (how’s that for democracy). Matching shell suits will be compulsory for couples. Dentistry will be abolished and public inebriation reinstated. All Council houses will be fitted with immense satellite dishes. As always Tiptonites will look to the East. Vast stretches of industrial wasteland beckons. Arise Tiptonites, arise!

The streets will resound with the refrain: ‘Hail Flaxen Saxon.’ I also intend to ally the Tipton grout with the Zimbabwe dollar. Currently one Tipton groat will buy 100 billion Zim dollars, no make that 500 billion Zim dollars……

Nominated by: Flaxen Saxon