We’ve all been there. Holding in a fart at work or when on a date. Maybe at a funeral. Or a job interview.

Well, it seems you should just let rip because holding in farts can put you in hospital. Some Brazilian ‘model’ (nice body but has tats so I’d rather have a wank) was too shy to parp in front of her boyfriend and ended up in hospital. Mind you, some birds might end up that way too if they fart in front of their man (if he’s a cunt).

I once held in a huge fart after scoring with an absolute fucking stunner in my younger years. Natural blonde, perfect body, really bonnie face. We ended up at her house after the club closed and got down to some serious foreplay on her sofa. She then led me to her bedroom and got into bed. I could’ve snapped bricks in half on me nob at that point. Anyway I had this massive fart building up and it was hurting (obviously didn’t tell her this). I asked where her loo was. She said next door. I soon realised the shitter had thin walls and was within a few feet of the headboard. I could hear her move in bed. I realised I couldn’t let it go and just flushed, washed my hands and got into bed.

But I was in so much pain by now that I couldn’t do it. I ended up leaving, telling her I was ill (sort of true). I got a taxi and by now needed a big shit too. I got home just in time. I let rip and it ended up being a massive silent one with no shite at all. I was devastated. But I bet if I’d tried to let it go at her house, it would’ve set off car alarms for miles around. She didn’t bother seeing me again when I called her a few days later, unsurprisingly.

Yes, having to hold in farts is a horrible thing, but having your lady let rip or even sell her farts (yes, the link includes some tart doing this too) isn’t ideal either.

Parp.

https://news.yahoo.com/brazilian-singer-hospitalized-refusing-fart-022821705.html

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

I am sure that that celeb Eliot Page (I cannot find her real first name) (which says a lot in itself) who was a woman and became a man would like to ‘grow a pair’. Have they injected her so she can one wonders…?

‘You should grow a pair of balls’. You hear that from men AND women. Mrs Plastic says it to me a lot when I invariably shrink from confrontation.

Caitlin Jenner has no balls. He’s had the ‘full surgery’. But he has metaphorical balls as it were when it comes to standing up against ‘gay marriage’ and transgender atheletes in women’s sport.

What am I cunting here? Transgender balls that’s it. Balls as bollocks. No bunkum I mean. Balls as bunkum, bullshit.

I have no doubt that ballsy Bruce (what a manly name) was speaking the truth when he said he felt like a woman on the inside all his life. I am not denying that.

A terrible thing to feel. That you’re in the wrong body. I suppose he wished and wished he was a woman but he was in a man’s body. But just because you fervently wish things to be so the wishing doesnt make it a reality. (A bit like heaven, then – NA)

This is from Hello Magazine-
‘Having undergone a nose job, breast augmentation, tracheal shave, jaw reshaping and beard removal as part of her transition, Caitlyn finally completed the process with gender reassignment surgery.’

So Bruce has ‘busted his balls’ so to speak to become a woman.
The last on theist is having his balls and cock chopped off.

He has had what is called ‘facial -feminisation surgery’ as well which involves- ‘procedures such as hairline correction, forehead contouring, and jaw and chin contouring’.

‘hairline correction’. But when God made him (as I would say) his male hairline was correct. ‘forehead contouring’ but when God made him (as I would say) his forehead was countoured for a male. .’jaw and chin contouring’. But when God made him (as I would say) his jaw and chin were perfectly ok for a male. What am I saying?

These terms really confess him to being a man having surgery to look like a woman.

Fuck this. What does it matter anyway if it makes him feel better in himself? I like the cunt for his stance against Wokery.

Oh, this turned not to be a cunting at all.

So the cunting is for those people that say people like Caitlyn Jenner are REAL women. And the consequeces of that in law.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-56960011
(Helpful link provided by Cuntstable Cuntbubble)

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

Cunts who use speaker on their phone calls.

Picture the scene: an immaculate, serene, blue-skied, spring day in England. One might be tempted to sit outdoors, absorb the sunlight, bathe in the melody of bird-song and admire the cherry blossom on the trees.

A neighbour 3 doors down exits into his garden and calls someone. His cunting bellowing down his phone shatters the pastoral scene into smithereens as we are treated to his gobshite conversation and all the banalities therein.

For some reason, he decides that he is not broadcasting enough braindead bollocks to those in the vicinity and decides to use speakerphone so the fucktard whining mingster on the other end can pollute the tranquil atmosphere even further.

These cunts are indicative of a broader, rancid wank stain blight on human existence, something which might be avoided if an ounce of non-curtness was drilled into or born in their flabby idiot brains.

cf. cunts on trains

Fox2 Detroit News Link.
(Fun link dialled in by Night Admin – NA)

Nominated by: Fuckwittery

Find me sartorial instincts offended by what da yoot, and alas da not so yoot, are wearing. Not so much suited and booted as squeezed and castrated, todays Woke Warriors have taken to wearing what is apparently known as ‘the super skinny suit’. Yank in origin, say no more, these bollox squishing two sizes too small garments started making an appearance on actors on American chat shows then corporate sponsorship compelled old ugly fucker James Bond aka Daniel Craig to wriggle into one and, God knows how, do a lot of running about on rooftops.

The epitome of fashion? My arse. Go back a bit and ‘50s film star and man of the people and doyen of Albanian Dictator Enva Hoxa, little cunt Norman Wisdom was capering around in the old two sizes too tight.

“Mr Grimsdale! Oi’ Mr Grimsdale my cock is stuck in my trousers an’ it don’t ‘arf hurt”

Cue syrupy Norman song later released on 78 where due to a lot of payola it stayed at no 1 for six weeks and was subsequently found in an old dead cunt’s cupboard during a house clearance. The Don Black lyric also gives an explanation for the famous Norman comedy walk.

Don’t cry for me because I’m a fool
I have tears in my eyes
Because I slipped and split me tool

So my dears for once the Norman Wisdom look is bang on trend and punted out this very moment by overpriced online outfitters to da yoot Asos or do I mean Arse’oles? It goes with the tufty quiff barnet and shoes worn without socks with pointy toes that curve up. I definitely mean Arse’oles.

Go here to Tossers Fashion:

Asos Link

And here for Stormin’ Norman:

Norman Link

Nominated with photos by: Sir Limply Stoke

This tennis club in London has sparked a transgender row after the option for ‘female’ was classed as “no longer valid” on its membership system. A member by the name of Julia Stephenson was trying to renew her £300-per-year membership when she spotted it.

https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/woke-london-tennis-club-slammed-women-not-valid/

(Very short nom, but we allowed it because this needs to be slagged off – NA)

Nominated by: Cunt Me In on