Witches are cunts, aren’t they.

‘Double double toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble‘

It’s difficult enough being president, fighting impeachment, having ‘Big Tech’ censor the opposition but allowing rumours thrown at you, whilst simultaneously battling for re-election. Trump now has to face a new foe: Witches.

No, this isnt a Harry Potter gag or a Halloween jest. Witches who oppose President Trump are planning to cast a “binding spell” on his administration. This is nothing new. Witches have been trying to cast spells against Trump since his inauguration in 2017. This one was on 25th October.

It’s the 21st century. Psh. Witches.

People who pretend to be witches think they look sexy like that ‘Bewitched’ blonde from the 1960s or those ones Jack Nicholson ploughed in Eastwick in the 80s, though in reality they resemble the Wizard of Oz green-faced one, the warty Disney ones, Hazel McSturgeon from Rentaghost, or Theresa May.

Incidentally, The Witches is an imaginative Roald Dahl book that was made into a film in the 90s and has now been re-made with a more “diverse cast” as well as that irritating, grinning, one-trick pony Anne Hathaway cunt.

Fuck people who think they’re witches. Just because you have long hair, live alone with seven teeth and six cats, cackle insanely, don’t bathe, and like purple, it doesn’t mean you’re mystical; it means you’re an ugly, unkempt cunt.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

An emergency cunting (and not a Wise man in sight) for this Jock prat, who follows so many others in making an arse of himself to rush into the BBC ocean of Covid-fuckery.

Thinking back to the First World War and the Xmas Day football match where our lads and the Hunn joined together in a truce, this daft looking old cunt wants the same thing in 2020:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-54682086

Don’t worry, he doesn’t want to see Frau Adolf Merkel in her micro-shorts dribbling, the old idiot wants a “truce” with the virus.

Does he really think that a virus can discriminate to that level? did he just want to see his name in print, or did he overdo it on the communion wine today?

What a wanker!

Nominated by: w

Never ever thought I’d cunt this because I love art and virtually any program about art. But I’d like you to consider a DaVici sized cunting for this seasons “Portrait Artist of the Year”.

The reasons are many fold but on tvOS particular occasion the cunting is specifically for the choice of artists and subjects.

Today we have a range of races and ages all painting three different people. But one in particular boils my piss.

Ladies and gentlemen (and any other LGBTQRSTU’s) I give you today’s model. Known as “The Vivienne”. This beast is described as “winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race” (surely worth a cunting in itself) and is a bloke dressed up as a woman. Essentially a drag queen.

If I ever entered this program the last thing I’d want to paint is an oversized drag queen in full garb.

Ffs it’s woke gone mad.

Nominated by: Middle England

The British Army Museum deserves a nomination. Having done some ‘research’, they have come to the conclusion that the soldier buried in the tomb of the unknown warrior in Westminster Abbey was probably white, because of “racial bias”. Yep. That poor soul, who made the trip from France to the UK in 1920, was chosen because he was white rather than black or Asian. Of course, it never occurred that the actual reason he was chosen to be interred at the Abbey, was because the vast majority of the soldiers on the Western Front…WERE FUCKING WHITE!

I am sick of this fucking woke, navel gazing bullshit infecting the British military. The Army have just spent a small fortune hiring “diversity” experts. And they have concluded that if the British Army wants to be the best in the world the future lies in….Feminism. I shit you not. What a bunch of cunts.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

and seconded by: Sgt Maj Cunt

I want to second QDM’s cunting. A mate of mine who still serves in one of the three Armed Forces has been asked to form a team to carry wreaths at a Remembrance event that will be televised. Being a vain cunt, but also good at drill, he volunteered his services. He was told that, from above, only dar quays and females need apply. So despite having volunteers (of the wrong hue), departments at his unit have been ordered to nominate individuals that will keep the BBC happy. Because those individuals are being voluntold against their wishes, they are throwing sickies to get out of the practice days.

He is also collating a list of volunteers to collect Poppy money in a large city. Funny old thing, no uniform wearing dar quays have volunteered for that either.

Nearly all the BAME blokes and lasses I served with were top notch. For example, the Infantry is bolstered by the fearsome Fijians. But BAME service personnel are a minority for a bleeding obvious reason – we are a predominantly white country!

Elton John is a cunt, isn’t he.

The chubby, old queen has collaborated with the makers of Barbie to create a doll that replicates his famous style.

“A jacket with striking rainbow colours, flared trousers and platform rainbow-coloured heels”

What, no specious “I’m ashamed of Brexit’ or “I’m not a Stupid colonial imperialist” tee-shirts? Psh.

It also has a purple bowler hat and pink sunglasses, capturing the odious has-been’s most immediately recognisable looks.

Is it just his clothes the Barbie will wear or will she have that daft Sturgeon Legohead? At least that’ll be authentic Elton John: Tufts of artificial doll hair drilled into the cunty scalp.

I thought when it said, “replicates his famous style” it meant the doll would be involved in a grubby celebrity brown-love threesome whilst simultaneously clutching an Elton John Barbie doll Super Injunction.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous