I am a cultural philistine. I don’t like art, museums, theatre, dogs, literature, black and white movies, opera, classical crap, musicals, Beatles, Queen, Shakespeare, Green Bay, dance of any kind, wine, ice skating, and history pre 1900. So its with this last point in mind, I decided to watch Mary Queen of Scots in the hope I might learn something.
Well, within the first five minutes I learned something astonishing, that in 1540 Englands ambassador to the court of Scotland, Lord Randolph, was black!! Yep, a black man held one of the highest political positions in the country in the mid 1500s.
Except he fucking wasn’t. All the portraits show Randolph as white. They are now rewriting history to be PC.
So Alastair Coomer, casting director, you are a massive cunt.

Nominated by Cunts n Roses

Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton

I hope ISAC will allow a double cuntings as I want to nominate this pair of cheese farts after being forced to spend two hours watching an appalling film called “Something´s Gotta Give” in which Nicholson played his usual grinning mad axe-man part while Keaton was goofy and toothy. It´s a geriatric love story with “jokes” about Viagra, constant trips to pee and willy size. These two insufferable thespians are under the illusion that they are talented and witty. They have been repeating themselves since becoming overnight successes in acclaimed but mediocre films like “Easy Rider” in Nicholson´s case and Woody Allen´s self-indulgent masturbatory fantasy “Annie Hall” in Keaton´s case.
To see what Nicholson is like in real life check out “The Smoking Gun” site and read the police files about Nicholson after he was accused by a prostitute of refusing to pay her for a night´s bonk and then beating her up. Odd that the enlightened American media has not dug this up but perhaps it´s because Niggardly Nicholson – a Democrat – was a supporter of the Clintons. Keaton, of course, was another Hag for Hillary.

Nominated by Mr Polly

Kidults are cunts.

The definition of a kidult is:
kidult (plural kidults) (informal, marketing, sociology) An adult who participates in youth culture and activities traditionally intended for children.

Why have they suddenly pissed me off?
Because I am surrounded by work colleagues who are eagerly watching trailers on the their mobile phones for…
…the Sonic the Hedgehog movie.
Cunts. Utter, utter, utter cum gargling cunts.

Is this some kind of joke? I’m afraid not, I’m being quite serious.
And I quote “that looks fucking awesome”, “I’m definitely going to see that”, “it’s Sonic innit?”.
I can’t believe it. These are grown adult men. The youngest is 28. Their idea of entertainment is a fucking cartoon hedgehog.
It used to be just the fucking nerdy neckbeards, but now it’s every cunt. They’re playing games consoles, they’re watching The Avengers, FUCK OFF ! Fucking spandex lycra peedo bullshit. Any shiny computer generated circle jerk over the same soggy biscuit and these cunts are there.
Why aren’t they fixing shit, breaking shit, learning shit, buying powertools or simply drinking beer?
Next thing you know there’ll be a movie about snake (famously featureless early nokia mobile phone game) and these cunts will be all over it, cumming in their pants at the CGI and revelling in the brand spanking new low that binds their feeble minds together.
I’ve tried to get them on a basic diet, things like “13 Tzameti” or “man bites dog” but their tiny minds still harbour suspicion.
I’m living in a cultural wasteland, and these cunts are the dead trees.

Nominated by Cuntflap

The Met Office:
This worse-than-fucking-useless shower (haha) of excrement try to cover all the bases.
Monday- “A Spanish plume will send temperatures spiralling upwards, making it fucking redders for the next 3 months. Fire up the barbie, me hearties, and drink your own body weight in Newcy Brown”.
Tuesday- “The jet stream will suddenly move southwards this week, and it’ll be fucking freezing for the next few weeks. Put that barbie away, you silly cunts.”
I really don’t see the need for these (taxpayer-funded) fuckwits anyway- all you’ve got to do is look out of the fucking window to see what the weather’s doing.
They also predict ” a frigid pool of numbing air sinking southwards across the nation”- does this mean that fucking witch Krankie is planning to visit us?

Get fucked.

Nominated by cuntzilla