An emergency cunting for BBC Radio 4. The production team of the Today program have excelled themselves in their right-on head-up-their-arses broadcast this morning.

On the day before the 75th anniversary of the D Day landings, Martha Kearney was, this morning, broadcasting from Portsmouth. You knew things weren’t going to go well when she made reference to a “WW2 Landrover” and then proceeded to tour HMS Queen Elizabeth getting Navy nomenclature and command appointments all wrong.

Then it was Thought for the Day when some female haltingly described the hardship of getting through Ramadan.

Finally, to make my piss vaporise, some millennial snowflake cunt was given a five minute slot to talk about self-harming caused, not by the terror of storming a defended beach, but her dislike of her own body image. Boo hoo.

It’s no wonder John Humphrys is retiring – how can this old timer compete against broadcasters of such quality?

Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt

This nomination goes out to the chubby cunt who can’t cook, who we all know as Jamie Oliver. This cunt is a cunt for many reasons but this time I believe he has truly out-cunted himself. After his restaurants failed, which he puts down to the decline in the UK high street rather than his inability to make anything edible, this unbearable fat cunt has now struck a deal with Shell for his new healthy eating deli range. Much like a politician, it seems like democracy doesn’t exist when it comes to what we choose to eat either. We haven’t forgotten about the turkey twizzlers and we won’t forget how fucking shit your food tastes either. Considering this cunt is a UN environmental campaigner and is now opening deli ranges at Shell the oil company, this lispy mockney cunt is almost as big a hypocrite as he is a cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Curtains

A piss-splashed truss with added nicotine stains cunting please for the *Father Of The House* who, along with Hattie Heseltine, is the go-to old woman of choice for Evan Davis and the PM show on Wireless 4. Today Clarky appeared on the sister show The World At One to proudly announce he would be happy to bring the government down,

That pair of arseholes, just like commoner Dominic Grieve (and the last time I saw a face like Grieve’s Tarzan was feeding it with bananas, sideways), are wealthy men who could fuck off out of this country if ever McDonnell gets his clammy hands on the country’s finances.

What these greasy egregious fuckers are saying is that they would be happy to see a communist government leading this country with their pansy hangers on remainiacs and lessies and feminists, just because they can’t get their own way. Of course they would not stay here to suffer it with us, as death or their passports would get them away. What a pile of shit these self-centered *grandees* are.

The Tories are useless but at least they are not dangerous unlike Corbyn’s red scum.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

I used to have a soft spot for this bibulous, cigar smoking rather affable former chancellor. That was before he showed his colours as a rabid europhile.

His latest pronouncement is to say that he will vote against any Conservative government which proposes a no deal Brexit in a vote of confidence.

Let that sink in – he is prepared to risk an extreme left Corbyn government rather than honour the democratic vote to leave the EU.

Kenneth Clarke you are a cunt.

Now fuck off.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

The statue of Lily Parr and the fucking bullshit virtue signalling that commissioned it.

………’ and you join us at the finals of the Most Brainiest Cunt in the World Ever contest 2019 and it’s a tie break between The Brain and The Worlds Biggest Brain ever’.

‘Contestants, who ever answers the next question correctly wins the Brainiest Cunt in the World Contest 2019 and gets to own the World, ok so dating back to the 1920’s and possible a bit before but we can’t be sure because there’s no records,what women pioneered the game of women’s football?’

Brain……..Erm was it erm, sorry no it’s gone.

Ok the worlds biggest brain ever you now have a free pass, no pressure.

Ok I think it was, erm, erm was it, Emily Pankhurst.

Beeep.

Incorrect answer.

I can give you a clue for a 50% reduction in the prize.

Known as ‘Big Lil she smoked 60 fags a day and played for Dick Kerr Ladies in Preston, her surname was Parr’

Beeep. Yes The Brain. Was it Dick Kerr.

Wrong answer

Beeep.

Yes, The Biggest Brain Ever, was it Stanley Matthews?

No and it’s clear the pair of you are sexist bigots and you’re now being reported for a hate crime.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

Asdrit Kapaj, aka ‘The Wimbledon Prowler’, has been jailed for 14 years after lifting an estimated £10 mill. in swag from around 200 houses in Wimbledon over a 10 year period.
The thieving Albanian cunt arrived in the UK in 1996 (how so many of his fellow cuntrymen get in remains a mystery to me) and was given indefinite leave to stay after falsely claiming to be a refugee from Kosovo. He subsequently began his one man crime wave seemingly to fund a gambling addiction. Kapaj originally stated upon arrest that he’d been ‘sleepwalking’ (!!) when breaking into people’s homes, but later coughed to numerous offences.
Thanks to this stinking bastard, numerous residents were afraid in their own homes. At least two householders are reported to have sold up, and several children have needed treatment due to being traumatised by repeated encroachments. A number of cleaners and childminders lost their jobs as a result of being suspected of theft.
I’m sure that cunters everywhere are as pleased as me to learn that we’ve now got to fund this shitstain’s stay at HM’s pleasure; plus, no doubt, a raft of benefits for his family. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m definitely suffering from that newly identified but extreme psychological condition dubbed ‘enrichment syndrome’, characterised principally by a deep and vicious loathing of cunts like Asdrit Kapaj.

Nominated by Ron Knee