I only have fond memories being a child in the seventies. It was fucking ace. We never stayed indoors and weekends and school holidays were spent walking in the countryside in small gangs, not the modern day gangs of hooded, surly, weed smoking idiots, armed with knives and looking for trouble… no, our gang usually consisted of between three and six lads armed with jam butties and an “Alpine” bottle filled with water.
We would wander far and wide, playing “Army”, enjoying the countryside and the weather, remember ’76, would it ever end? Happy times.
It must have been around this time that on one of these expeditions I found my very first porn mag. What a moment. I can still remember it like it were yesterday.
We were walking over a small rise, heading towards a hedgerow running along a long lane when I spied a patch of white in the vibrant green hawthorn….as I approached I shuddered with trepidation, could it be? Dare I believe….. we’d heard stories told by others of how they had found bongo mags in bushes, we wanted it to be true – but was it? Was the elusive grumble mag, hidden deep in shrubbery, placed there by some pornographic pixie for the benefit of others, a myth… or reality? I was about to find out.
As I neared it became clear it was a magazine… one of my mates reached in and seized it, we gathered round….the front cover was missing….the contents page…..YES…. Mayfair! The excitement almost was to much for a six year old to bear.. we opened the pages and looked with wonder at the forms on display. Some pages were harder to open than others, we couldn’t understand why.
We took it, deep into the woods, and read it from front to back… in awe. I swear I can even remember a story… it was called “Max and Yvette”… it told of their copulation illustrated with soft porn photography.
After we finished I felt like I was now a man. School would never be the same again. We hid it again and made a pact to leave it there. I recall visiting it more until the sad day came that it was no longer there. Was it one of the gang? or had it just fulfilled its purpose and moved on?

My point is this. The above reminiscing was real and was a moment in life to treasure. Children today will never have the feeling that I had finding my first porn mag in a bush and it’s a shame. The reason is modern day porn and the accessibility which the internet has given to anyone with a mobile phone. One click and anyone can access the most extreme porn imaginable and it’s a shame.
Porn mags are no longer deposited in bushes, the pornographic pixie has long gone. Innocence is dead. Max and Yvette are in a care home in the North.

Modern Porn Is a Cunt.

Nominated by HenryV

‘Killing Eve’ is a cunt, isn’t it.
➖
◽ Strong Asian woman ✅

◽ Strong Black woman ✅

◽ Strong woman Boss ✅

◽ Entitled-acting slimy Oxbridge man ✅

◽ Strong Female with Iron Curtain accent ✅

◽ Horrible, weird, weak, chauvinist, men murdered by Strong Female with Iron Curtain accent ✅

◽ Kind, appealing, intelligent man who’s a hòmó ✅

◽ Slightly dim, mediocre husband who’s not as cool or clued-up as his strong, fighting wife ✅

◽ Slightly dim (and certainly not as strong as any woman character) but sympathetic to the audience young man with northern accent ✅

◽ Comedy murders that would be disgusting and sinister if performed by a man but aren’t and are therefore quirky, hilarious, and feminist ✅

◽ Strong female characters, paper-thin storylines, silly accents, strong female characters, grossly incompetent police, every male is weak/ brutish/insecure, inexplicable country-hopping, embarrassingly shit disguises, portentously hackneyed drama, strong female characters ✅

nominated by Captain Magnanimous