Piss poor ‘War Stories’

Not just war stories, but tales of hardship, endeavour, resistance and downright bravery….some generations are (un) luckier than others in that fate deals them a hand where they are forced to experience the harshest of situations, to wit; WW1, WW2, The Great Depression, rationing….even modern times can be categorised with noteworthy examples, the three day week, seventies blackouts, The Falklands War, The Gulf War, Northern Ireland, Iraq, Afghanistan, you get the picture.
Even I can claim involvement in some of these examples. The millennial generation, or a large portion of it, are really scraping the barrel though.
Scanning the internet in an attempt to wind myself up proved fruitful this morn.
Check out the story below.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7225319/Make-artist-left-agonizing-margarita-burn-hand-squeezing-18-limes.html

This absolute fucker thought her tale a worthy example of her Spartanlike bravery.
Amber Prepchuk of Edmonton went away for a week at a lake house with her “girlfriends”, having prepared margaritas and squeezing limes, by hand, she woke two days later suffering burns on her hands from the lime juice.

“It was excruciating” she said.

“I’m a tough cookie, I can handle pain but I woke up crying my eyes out”

When you view the link, prepare yourselves, the pictures of her injuries are nothing short of horrific. Make sure there are no children present.

Amber, you are a fucking Trojan.
Your tale is up there with surviving the Second Battle of Ypres.

You cunt.

Nominated by HenryV

Bananarama

Bananarama are cunts….

In this climate of millennial revisionism this lot are now being touted as ‘legends’….
Tuneless 80s pop crap now suddenly revered? Has this country gone totally fucking mad?! On Radio 2 yesterday that cunt trombone Craig Charles was bigging them up as one of the ‘World’s greatest female bands’… Band? A band plays musical instruments, you utter cunt…. How Stock, Aitken and Waterman fodder like Bananrama (and Saint Kylie of Glastonbury) can now be seen as great popular music shows how low the cultural bar has sunk here… Anyone around in the 80s knows that they were shit… In the days of the late 80s these SAW puppet cunts were rightfully despised… Bananrama records had each voice tracked about eight times and it still sounded shite… The clueless millennial cunts now rule the media… Bad enough that mediocrity and crap is lauded in the present (Sheercunt, Swift, Adele, ‘Stormzy’ etc), but worse still that the crap from the past is now being re-labelled as great and what upcoming musicians should aspire too… What a load of bollocks…

Nominated by Norman

The BBC (08)

The BBC are still cunts…

The Bastard Brainwashing Corporation came out with this gem today: ‘Some Women’s Super League matches will be “double-headers” with men’s games next season’….

This translates as follows: “We will force this upon you cunts! Whether you like it or not! And as it’s on the BBC you will be forced to pay for it! Resistance is useless!”

Fuck the PC obsessed BBC cunts! Fuck them to fucking hell!

Nominated by Norman

The Nanny State

According to the Big Beeb the government plans to restrict new drivers from driving at night due to “safety” concerns.
I’m sorry, but what a load of bollox.

How the fuck is wee little millennial Dave supposed to do his night shift down fucking Asda, earning his piss poor living to pay for his shit working class life?
Take public transport? Then he may ask what was the fucking point of getting my fucking licence, spending potentially into the thousands to obtain the privilege!

Also how the fuck are new drivers supposed to gain confidence in driving in any condition, IF YOU BAN THEM FROM FUCKING DOING IT?! Absolutely farcical. This doesn’t seem to benefit anyone! Wait, scrub that shit… I bet our beloved insurance companies are rubbing their hands together in near ecstatic joy, as they’ll charge these poor assholes even more money due to their “inexperience”

In this process, we are also creating another make believe bogus crime for the Police force.
Sorry, Dorothy can’t come over and stop pervy Pete from robbing and buggering you…. a young driver is minding his own beeswax on his way to work. WHAT A CUNTING CRIMINAL HE IS.

Absolute bloody joke.

Nominated by Cuntoxed

Stupid Names (2)

Daft names are tedious, aren’t they?

Malia
Autumn
Mercedes
Chardonnay
Summer

The midwife must be as bemused as when you mistype into a search engine. “Serendipity? Did you mean Susan?”
What in fuckity were the parents imbibing?

However, it’s not just the ladies. These gentlemen haven’t rushed for the Deedpoll applications:

Keanu
Moon Unit
Barrack
Chucka

Then there are the foreign ones:
“Is there a Oisin Tadgh here?”
“Ah, to be sure, it’s pronounced Usheen Tig!”
?
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
“Name?”
“M’tangalay Gwan-cho’ Ooga-Dooga.”
“Erm…could you spell that?”
“You ISS a ray-CIST. Am gonna amake a COM-plaint.”
“…And this huge, old woman next to you with no teeth and who must be allergic to bathing, is it your grandma?”
“Dat be my wife. Her called Serendipity.”

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous