15 July 2019
England’s cricketers blow away rivals Australia by 8 wickets in the semi final of the World Cup. A swaggering display by our heroes sees them breeze past our bitterest rivals, on the way to a first world championship.

5 Aug 2019
Australia crushes England by 251 runs in the first Ashes test of the summer. A second innings batting display of staggering ineptitude sees England bowled out for 146, leaving them in the all-too-familiar position of having to chase the series after losing the first test.

Normal service is resumed on the part of our chocolate teapots. Heroes to zeros in the space of three weeks. Cunts; for committing the ultimate sporting sin of not merely losing, but surrendering abjectly, to those charmless cockheads.

25 Aug 2019

After another ignominious first innings display, England’s on the ropes. Then Ben Stokes comes over all Botham, and pisses on the Aussies’ chips. grown men from Perth to Sydney cry into their beer. Fucking hell, heroes again, at least for a week.

PS. Smith, Warner and Bancroft are cheating cunts in addition to being regulation Aussie-type cricketer cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Having done a fair bit of travelling on motorways in recent weeks, I feel compelled to nominate motorway driving as a complete and utter cunt.

In recent years (and still ongoing in some areas) we’ve had to endure miles and miles of 50mph average speed cameras so that large chunks of motorway could be widened to four lanes. Why? In these areas, lane 1 is now almost completely unused, whilst any number of spatially unaware bellends poodle along at 50 mph in lane 3, leaving the inside lanes completely empty and forcing everyone else into lane 4 to overtake, since if we do the sensible thing and undertake, you can be sure that plod is there with his little camera and notebook to nick us. Since the main offenders appear to be Dark Keys and peacefuls, may I suggest that plod relinquishes his speed gun in place of a more traditional high velocity gun and picks off any offenders accordingly. It may cause a bit of carnage for a while, but I reckon the penny will soon drop.

As an aside, since we’re still in the steaming shitheap of the EU, how come the Germans can drive as fast as they like but we’re limited to 70moh? I thought it was all about unity and harmony. Cunts.

I was going to add ‘baby on board’ signs, but I think that’s worthy of a cunting all of its own.

Carry on Cunting

Nominated by Kunte Kunty

‘An ex-mayor hired to help a troubled council has been sacked after being named as a Brexit Party candidate.
Kate Allsop, who served as independent mayor of Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, spent less than a week advising Merthyr Tydfil council’

This council, in the heart of nervous sheep territory, has been slated in an audit report for finance, leadership and governance issues. It is, in a word, incompetent and needs all the help it can get.. but no, they cant be doing with someone who, like the local electorate and the whole of Wales, voted Leave.

She is obviously ‘far right’ and not of the standard of incompetent, mealy mouthed, time-serving cunt the council requires.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Cunts who ride deafeningly loud motorcycles in residential areas are cunts in extremis.

Each time one passes my wankshack at unsociable hours, I find myself fervently wishing each time that the inconsiderate, attention-seeking turkeyfucker is mere moments away from being propelled into a solid concrete flyover abutment, contorting head-first into their fucking crankshaft, amid a pile of broken bones, blood and shit.

Utterly fucking insufferable scumcunts.

Nominated by The UMPIRE Cunts Back