News Correspondents require ostentatious cunting for their overzealous gesticulation during bulletins. In recent times, I have noticed an annoying trend, from mainly camera addicted reporters, of waving their arms about like demented chimpanzees. I suggest this is a futile bid to keep our attention from wandering whilst enduring their boring, insipid dialogue.

Ben Thompson on BBC’s breakfast is bad. Steph McGovern, with her female top half of a head and a man’s chin, used to be pretty bad, pre puer. Andrew Marr used to be quite bad pre stroke…. seems to have calmed down a bit now with one arm clamped to his side adhering finally to the BBC guide on how to behave in front of the camera. It stipulates that arms should never be “raised above the chest”. Well done Andrew!

It’s understandable that weather girls have to wave their arms about, to gesticulate the events of the impending weather front. Alas, even they are getting ‘right out of hand’ with it. I watched a gasp one morning as Laura Tobin on ITV rocked back and forth, waved her hands aloft with manic enthusiasm, enlivened no doubt at the thought of blue skies with only intermittent showers in Scotland (Cunts!). She did that folding arms toward the camera thing – as if to cradle a small child in embrace. She was a veritable hurricane of petulant chaos.

I remember Nicholas Witchell. None of that shenanigans with him. Old Nick just stood there looking bored shitless, reading his auto que to the camera with perfectly timed, monotone splendour and thinning ginger hair.

The only one who keeps her arms down consistently, for fear of getting shot I deduce, is the scrawny Irish gargoyle and war correspondent (BBC), Orla Guerin. She manages to find herself in the world’s worst shite holes, usually in active conflict. Pale as fuck and looking as weak as a new born gazelle, Orla stands there in a flak jacket and headscarf reminding us how lucky we are to live in the modern western world. Night after night without batting an eyelid, never mind thrashing her hands about, before going back to a toilet less hostel in the Middle East for a feast of chickpeas, sand and flat bread. CUNTS!

Nominated by Daz

Remainers deserve a nomination. To be honest, I thought a crushing, 80 seat majority and a fair few of these traitorous fuckers being out of the commons would bring to them to their senses, or at least make them shut the fuck up. And for a while, they did. Of course, I didn’t count on the motherfucking Chinese unleashing a pandemic on the entire planet. Ever since the Flu Manchu descended on us, some of these scumbags, egged on by those dicks across the channel, have been demanding that Brexit be extended yet again, by up to two years.

Fortunately the government, apparently mindful of its promise to the British electorate to “get Brexit done” have not caved in. Yet. The remainers, most notably Ian Blackford of the SNP, have been trying to use the Kung Flu to say that the UK has bigger things to deal with than our impending full and permanent exit from the Fourth Reich. This is bullshit. For centuries now, the government has had to deal with many issues, some of them very serious, like wars, at the same time, on a daily basis. There is absolutely no good reason why Brexit should be delayed. Especially since modern technology has ensured that negotiating in person isn’t even necessary. Sure, some haggling among individual negotiators is done outside of meeting rooms, in bars and cafes, but they’re even looking at ways of continuing that. So like I said, an extension, especially a two year extension, is completely unnecessary. And if the Kung Flu really was the reason for them wanting negotiations delayed, why aren’t they aren’t they vigorously applying the same argument to the trade negotiations with the US, which are due to begin soon?

We had three and a half years of these cunts doing everything they could to overturn Brexit. They failed. And now that the shoe is on the other foot, they don’t like it. Well, tough shit. I have no sympathy for these democracy denying Quislings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If they love the EU that much, they should fuck off to an EU country. Emma Thompson and her dipshit husband did. For four days.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

PETER KAY:

A giant econoy size cinting please for morbidly obese alleged “comedian” Peter Kay, who has foresaken his “career” such as it is, as a rib tickler, for a couple of years to promote a tacky internet company on TV, down to his usual amateur standards, However, his fan must be delighted to know he has returned to the idiots lantern “triumphantly”, it says here:

Peter Kay sends ‘love to us all’ as he makes sensational TV return after two-year absence

This flabby faced one-trick pony, who clearly thinks he is something special is about as funny as Ed Miliband, a boil on the arse or Coronavirus. His fan has been wondering where he has been for the past few years (clearly he or she hasn’t got access to niche satellite channels where he does the ISP “proud”). My guess is the fat ugly bastard has been stuck on the lavatory pan, and been rocking himself to sleep trying to get up from it. Just looking funny doesn’t mean you ARE funny, or everyone would piss themselves looking at Lord Adonis.

Like most “artists” these days, he just recreates, he doesn’t move on, as dull and dead as a Hilary Benn speech, and about as funny. Fuck off.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

‘Racist’ Britain

People who claim Britain is racist towards non white people are cunts. Yes, there is racism in Britain, but it’s less prevalent than in most countries. In fact, places like Pakistan, Bangladesh, Saudi Arabia, China, Japan and many African countries are much more racist than Britain.

A recent example is the notion that BAME members of society are more prone to coronavirus deaths because of racial inequality.

What a load of shite! They blame overcrowded housing on racism. Well, whose idea was it to have three wives and nine kids on the dole or on the scam that is tax credit? Not fucking mine, but blame me why don’t you? What are we supposed to do? Sterilise you so you don’t have 10 kids?

I was actually shocked to hear a black scientist on the BBC, saying that certain groups are more likely to ignore social distancing and meet up in community centres during the pandemic. She’s right, but the Beeb simply don’t want to listen. It must be whitey making them go outside for meet ups, right?

Other factors include genetics. Some groups are more prone to high blood pressure (black males in particular). Others have compromised immune systems due to vitamin D deficiencies (although this may be out of choice by wearing a burka rather than for genetic reasons in some cases).

Well, considering this, how the fuck is any of this my fault for being a honkey?

I recently read that Diane Abbott, someone who claims that Britain is racist quite often, had her son locked up recently.

Diane, who was educated at Cambridge in racist Britain and lives in a 1.3 million home in London, whilst serving as a safe seated member of Parliament in our racist country, was forced to call the cops for bizarre reasons.

Her son, privately educated and then sent to Cambridge University in racist Britain, got a job as a diplomat with the Foreign Office. No nepotism there, of course. While stationed in Rome, he became addicted to meth. That’s probably my fault too.

Then, on his return, he went on the rampage at Diane’s house chasing her around with a knife. He was also done for indecent exposure and biting and assaulting NHS staff and the police.

Yes, say sorry lads and lasses. Because it’s all our fault.

The simple fact is that as a honkey, there is no fucking way I could get a job as an MP or even a fucking vote in Jamaica, Pakistan or pretty much any non white majority country.

We are the absolute opposite of racist and some are just taking the absolute piss, by trying to take even fucking more out of the country by saying such a thing.

Until we see honkey MPs and equal rights for honkies in their countries, they can shut the fuck up. And the Chinese flu is a virus. It might be more likely to fuck you up if you have a gung ho attitude towards it. And there is fuck all anyone can do about genetic differences.

Fuck off.

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

Religious stubbornness of Covid is a cunt , isn’t it.

People the world over are being reasonable about the Chînk virus, distancing socially, staying indoors despite the boredom, and exercising within reason. It’s a collective effort.

Oh, except in certain areas.

In Iran fundamentalists have been storming shines. In Pakistan, 53 clerics recently warned the Government AGAINST the ban on religious congregations.

?It’s Gameshow time on IAC ?

An old cleric/religious nutter died in Brahmanbaria, Bangladesh. What do you think happened:-

1) They held a closed ceremony and postponed any eulogies until after the Covid-19 pandemic.

2) They televised the small, private funeral and live-streamed it via the internet for personal mourning.

3) They allowed 50,000 people to defy the ban on mass gatherings during the lockdown and congregate sans masks or distancing.

Ram it Home, Ramadan.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous