Before Gove bans all criticism of our nation’s institutions (a tacit admission of how fucked this country is, perhaps?), i would like to nominate the DWP, or DWWPWP (Don’t Worry, White People Will Pay).

Seems as though a decade after sending the disabled to their doom during the recession, the DWP are in crisis, understaffed through the sheer malice the staff are being told to demonstrate, leaving to depression, sickness and resignations. in Oxford’s own jobcentre 15 out of 23 staff quit in year, unable to cope with a sudden surge in cases. (That’s Oxford, not Middlesbrough, Southend or Newport.)

What is it that is causing this crisis with our social security apparatus? The left claim its cuts and staff wages falling far behind the cost of living?

Perhaps its the general increase in ailments due to lockdown and recurrent respiratory infections and excess heart problems across society?

Perhaps it’s – i don’t know – boats and those carried in them?

Disability News

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime

Emergency cunting, Admin!

At time of writing (24/12/23) I haven’t a clue who’s on that list, and to be honest I don’t want to know. But whoever is on there it will cause a great deal of annoyance, anger and negative comments from most everyone in this country.

I expect  the usual vacuous showbiz celebs will definitely be in there with a few OBEs here MBEs there and the odd knighthood for a cunt who has spent his/her life doing his job and nothing more, (and getting paid handsomely for it), but for some reason is now deserving of a gong.

Then they’ll be those politicians and faceless unaccountable civil servants – both of whom get rewarded with gongs just for doing their jobs as well (quite often very badly in fact.)

Add to that the sportspeople and other high-end cunts most of whom you’ve never heard of.

And then you get the token gesture awards the plebs, most of whom have gone the extra mile, made great sacrifices, generated lots of money for good causes for 30 or 40 years, but only ever end up with an MBE at most!

There will the be usual calls to have this farce cancelled. But too many vested interests will want it retained. But its still a bloody pisser though, especially when they hand out gongs across the inclusion and diversity arena:-

“Congratulations, Mr Abdul Mohammed CuntyCunt. Here’s a knighthood for services to dinghy riders, kiddy fiddling, hand grenades, AK47s and C4s”

Note to Admin: depending on when (or if) this nom is published, would it be possible to add a news link when the NY Honours are made official?

Bbc news

BBC News 2

Nominated by Technocunt.

I no longer bother staying up for Big Ben (is that a sexist term now?) to strike midnight and to welcome in another New Year. It’s only another bloody day anyway, plus I can’t stand all those smug arseholes on TV and their false bonhomie – especially when they wheel out that greasy little cunt, Jools fuckin Holland.

Quite often you’ll see TV cameras pointing at crowds in central London and along the Thames waiting for the 12 minute firework display (so much for the environment and the huge cost, eh, SuckDick, you two faced cock sucker!) Then you have all the “Happy New Year and Peace on Earth” phoney shite, while in the same breath cunts are shouting “Kill the Jews”, “Black Lives Matter”, “We love immigrants”, “Freeze to death and Save the Planet!”

There’s loads of singing and dancing, but then come 1am and its all forgotten about as stark reality returns and we’re back with the same old shite.

I suppose the only good thing about welcoming in a new year is that you’re a little bit closer to Death.And the way this country is going down the pan the new years can’t come round soon enough!

Have a wank New Year and I hope millipedes crawl up your arseholes and infest your lower intestines!

Bah humbug.

Nominated by: Technocunt

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s legal affairs and Scottish political correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I’m looking at the progress made regarding ‘Operation Branchform’, Police Scotland’s investigation into alleged *cough* ‘irregularities’ in The SNP’s finances. In the latest of a series of sensational developments, the police are now investigating the purchase, and subsequent sale, of a top-of-the-range Jaguar. I’m now joined by SNP spokesman Jock McSporran”

“Och aye laddie. Well let me say the noo thet as far as thess investahgayshun is concerned, ah kennit porsibly corment on ra detail. Suffice et tae say that ra party’s rec-urrd fae awnesty an’ integrity in government is impeccable. The poliss have nuthin’ on us, ken. As fer Nicola an’ Peter en parteklur, well, the pair are as innocent as a pair o’ 16-year-old virgins fae Drumchapel. Nae further corment aye”

“Mmm. I’m also joined by Special Constable Angus McCoatupp, lead investigator for ‘Operation Branchform’. What can you tell us by way of an update Constable?”

“Aye. Natchrally ah cannae corment in detail awn an orngoin’ investahgayshun. Suffice et tae say thet investahgayshuns are orngoin’ et ra moment”

“But these investigations have already been on-going now for over two years, no doubt at enormous expense to the public. When can we expect to see results?”

“Aye. well natchrally investahgayshuns tek up a great deal o’ time an’ resources, ken. Let me jest say thet ah expect us tae ah reached conclusions bah summer 2028, at which time *winks and touches nose* it will be fount thet there’s nae evidence o’ any wrong-doing bah naebody, nae arrests or charges will be made, an’ it’ll be shown thet naebody kent absolutely nuthin’ aboot nuthin’. Aye”

“Well I must say that things appear to be progressing rapidly towards a most satisfactory conclusion for all parties, not least the taxpayers and voters of Scotland. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

Daily Record

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A bam, zoom straight to the moon cunting for northern monk brewery.

A producer of alcohol getting cunted, how dare I. Well dare I must, another company backing down over a frivolous complaint.

Said brewery make two beers called rocket lolly and wasted.

The lolly one was spotted by a four year old whose father was drinking it, and threw a wobbler because he couldn’t try it.

I personally would of made the little brat neck it.
Mother complained to watchdogs. Some people really do have nothing better to do.

The second beer was pulled on the name wasted.. now gets this, its apparently a word for getting drunk. Well you learn something new everyday..

So another spineless company who kowtow to the first crybaby who takes offence..

Fuck it I’m off to get legless, apologies to Oscar Pistorius.

Daily Mail

Nominated by: Barry zuckercunt