Cyclists [2]

Posted on October 8, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Cyclists. Not the Joe average out in the woods with the kids for a Sunday afternoon peddling into heart attack country and a plethora of snapped ligaments, but the type called the “club riders” who congregate in packs in the local B&Q car parks like wasps around a discarded ice cream cone, or more aptly, flies around a steaming turd.

Clad in budgie smugglers, gaudy dayglo lycra tops, avacado helmets and rainbow glasses, they look for all the world like a pack of neon-nazis (which they are).

When enough of the pack have assembled, usually around the busiest time on the road, they fly off into the traffic and create a defence formation that Pardew could only dream of. Often five abreast to prevent anyone overtaking them, they will then proceed at a sedate pace creating a build up of pissed off motorists behind them. God help anyone who encounters them on a B road, expect scratches to your paintwork as they undertake you. Cream one of them, whilst trying to avoid driving into a ditch and they will always ensure there are plenty of witnesses to say it was your fault.

Don’t even think of getting out into the countryside to avoid them, guaranteed that a whole hive of them will apppear out of nowhere and force you off the road.

All in all, a bunch of selfish cunts.

Nominated by: Toadspanker

Sky News

Posted on October 7, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

If ever there was a bunch of cunts who deserve a proper good cunting, it’s the cunts at Sky News.

Ever vigilant for the opportunity to make up a good story out of fuck all, Sky sent it’s ace reporter Martin Brunt scouring the pages of the Leicester Mercury for a non-story and he came up with a housewife who, like tens of thousands of others, doesn’t like the McCanns. Unable to tell an internet troll from a hole in his arse, Brunt proceeded to handbag the poor cow on her doorstep on national TV.

Having been publically vilified for doing not a lot, she committed suicide the next day.

Well done, Sky News. Hope you’re feeling really proud of yourselves. It’s just a shame you don’t turn your efforts towards some real investigative reporting. Can I perhaps suggest the McCanns, their lucrative charity and what actually happened to their daughter?

Nominated by: Dioclese
A cunt who doesn’t want to end up dead in a hotel room tommorrow.

Kirsty Allsop

Posted on October 7, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Kirsty Allsop! What a fat, horrible bastard she is.

I had the misfortune to be sat in front of the telly the other night while she patronised, rolled her eyes and generally spoke to the fucking idiots who can’t find their own new house like they were, well, fucking idiots. She strikes me as a right nasty, patronising cunt of a cunt.

I don’t know how that Phil resists from turning around and booting her straight in the gash.

Nominated by: Jimbob Cunt III

The Standing Ovation

Posted on October 6, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

I remember as a young lad hearing the old man come in pissed after a night out bleating on about how good the comedian was and that he received a standing ovation. A rare occurrence I was lead to believe. You had to have performed brilliantly, have the audience in the palm of your hand and be top of your game.

But now the standing ovation comes too easily. I’m sorry to say I sat through and suffered the Xfactor one night which deserves a cunting itself if it hasn’t already been cunted. I heard some of the so called talent on that show and to be honest in my opinion most of the cunts couldn’t shout coals up a back lane. But no – the audience think its fucking great. All a contestent has to do is wail like a gospel singer, throw a few dodgy trills in and they’re up on their fucking feet.

For fucks sake sit your arses back in your seats you easy pleased cunts.

Nominated by: Cuntface

My ol’ dad used to say “They’ll clap owt in London” but these days they’ll stand up and clap owt anywhere.

Especially at Party Conferences. and especially when told to do so by the cunt at the front, off camera.

Nominated by: Dioclese

Warwick Davis

Posted on October 5, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Why is this bumptious little midget cunt popping up everywhere presenting game shows and the like? Biggest part orf the deformed dwarf is his ego. Oh yes, his arse might skim the pavement and he clearly has no discernable talent other than he’s the perfect size to clean the shite and sanitary pads out orf a blocked khazi from the inside but this does not stop the little cunt giving it more rabbit than Sainsburys. The tiny tosser reckons himself more than somewhat and no other cunt has the moxi to break pc taboo and tell this little cunt to fuck orf and go back to his day job in a dwarf tossing circus.

Calls himself “an actor who just happens to be short” when he means “a midget who just happens to think he’s an actor”. A three star cunt. Married to another midget and guess what? All his kids are deformed midgets as well. Nice one daddy. Think he’s worth another two stars for that. Five star cunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Fuck me! The desperate TV Johnnies have revived Celebrity Squares! What the fuck for? It was total shite the first time round! But no – wait a mo! It’s got worse…

There’s some hopeless short-arsed cunt fronting it!

Isn’t this the same cunt that played Marvin the Paranoid Android? He was much better at that…