Maroon 5 [2]

Posted on October 13, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Maroon 5 are easily the worst musical bastards to be found anywhere, at anytime during all of human existence.

I’d preferably listen to jazz or, and it cunting pains me to say this, Muse!

I dunno who the lead singer is but his voice is so absurdly cuntish it defies all conceivable logic that any sentient person would go out of their way to pay money to listen to it.

The first time I heard ‘Pay phone’ (if you haven’t been subjected to it, please, just… just listen in the once so you can stop it a short time into the ‘song’ and remind yourself that you however bad your life is you still have the control to abort such a terrible occurrence) on the cunt filled abyss that is Radio 1 I genuinely believed it to be a joke/comedy song that was released as a piss-take. It’s the worst song I’ve ever heard.

“I’m at a payphone trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
Where have the times gone? Baby, it’s all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?”

Those are the opening lyrics to the cunt-heap of it.

Take off your caps and stand in a moments reflection on the death of sanity and taste because, you sweet, pure, innocent cunts, that monstrosity sat astride the top of the sales charts in this fair country for 2 fucking weeks.

A dirty, yank, cunt-weasel import that should be drowned in the mid-Atlantic. Maroon cunting 5.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto

Noel Fielding

Posted on October 12, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Noel Fielding is a cunt. Not only is this ‘Look at me!’ whopper vastly unfunny. He also looks like a total bellend: with his piss poor Bowie/Jagger/Bolan/Cooper ‘I think I am a 70s rock star’ bullshit.

And now that blonde hair and Stetson look makes him appear even more of a prize twat…

Nominated by: Norman

Colin Firth

Posted on October 11, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Colin Firth is long overdue for a cunting. Every time I’ve been to the cinema recently, the main feature and/or the trailers have featured this talentless cunt with his morose, hangdog face and dead eyes.

Firth’s screen presence is the cinematic equivalent of tumbleweed. He has negative charisma – whenever he’s on screen, the screen seems somehow emptier. What’s baffling is how the cunt ever achieved the kind of leading man status he currently enjoys. Personally I blame the female audience who swooned over him as Mr Darcy – although anyone who finds the idea of Firth in a wet shirt the least bit arousing must be the kind of frigid, sex-starved fat bird whose idea of raunch is a guilt-wracked rub to a Michael Bublé video.

Nominated by: Fred West

Lewis Hamilton

Posted on October 10, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Now I’ve not watched F1 much since the days when Michael Schumachers biggest rivals were Damon Hill and Mika Hakinnen and also I’m more of a bike man than a car man, anyway…..

Lewis Hamilton irritates me, moreso than any sportsman I’ve heard of for several reasons.

1) He is a monumental whinger. He is Nigel Mansell MkII. Nothing is ever good enough for him and he seems to think the world owes him something.

2) People like to point out that he came from a normal background. Sorry to piss on that parade but the man who has won more races and championships than any other in F1 is the son of a bricklayer and another F1 champion Kimi Raikonnen is the son of a man who drove steamrollers so unless those professions pay a lot more abroad than they do in the UK, Lewis isn’t unique in the “normal” stakes.

3) He moved to Switzerland for “privacy” – now we know he went there to avoid tax and to be fair I don’t blame him. I’d do the same but I’d also just say “I’m moving to a tax haven because I don’t see why the UK government should take 50% of my earnings when they didn’t contribute a penny to my career during the years while rising through the ranks”. Simple. Also people who value privacy don’t date a woman who was in a pop group known worldwide and continues to be in the public eye to this day.

Lewis you may be an awesome driver but you drive a Mercedes and that (and the above), my friend, makes you a womans front bum.

Nominated by: Mr Cunty Pants

Stephen Fry [4]

Posted on October 9, 2014 by A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The time has come to give arch cunt and “national treasure” Stephen Fry another major cunting.

First he publishes a book in which he admits (some might say “boasts of”) possessing and using cocaine almost continually between the mid-80s and the late 90s.

Then on Newsnight he suggests that the police have no business arresting him because the offences took place a long time ago and that the only person he ever hurt was himself, drawing a spurious comparison with Jimmy Savile as if to say “Look, I only snorted Bolivian marching powder, I never fucked kids”. Well, here’s something Quite Interesting, Fry – the law is quite clear about the penalty for possession of Class A drugs: a maximum of seven years imprisonment and/or an unlimited fine. And what makes you think you’re above the law, you smug, hateful, arrogant cunt?

Then, having warmed to the subject of historical sex abuse cases, Fry added “do we have to name the rock stars that we think almost certainly had sex with fourteen year old children? But those fourteen year old girls were so proud of it that they wouldn’t for a minute call themselves ‘victims’.”

The point is, you despicable ignorant wanker, fourteen year olds are not emotionally or intellectually equipped to make decisions or judgements like that – THAT IS THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THE AGE OF CONSENT, YOU FUCKING RETARD: IT EXISTS TO PROTECT IMMATURE CHILDREN FROM EXPLOITATION BY ADULTS. Presumably the cunt Fry also imagines that all those eleven, twelve and thirteen year old girls in Rotherham were so thrilled by the attention of older Asian men with cars that they were “proud” to be gangraped in grotty rooms above takeaway restaurants? This cunt needs stoning to death outside the BBC. I fucking despise him.

Let’s hope Plod comes knocking on Fry’s door soon and he’s charged for fifteen years worth of Class A possession. With his latest utterances, the fat cunt has significantly expanded both the breadth and depth of his odious cuntitude