Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Lance Armstrong

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Lance Armstrong Is A Cunt

Sliding out of the twat of a gullible woman who either forgets or never knew the name of the demon who spawned this lying, bullying cunt, Lance Armstrong has succeeded in achieving several goals in his whole useless cunting life; giving bored cunts a reason to actually get excited about the world’s second most pathetic sport (after curling), cheating his ass off during seven Tours De France in that country full of arrogant short Napoleonic cunts, bullying poor cunts like Greg LeMonde and Betsy and Frankie Andreu when they told the truth about cheating in cycling and costing them millions in earnings, corrupting cunting cycling officials into busting other two wheel obsessed cunts like Floyd Landis for daring to cheat while on a team other than this evil cunt’s US Postal Service team that named after an dying, irrelevant bureaucracy that employs fat, useless cunts who regularly steal shit right from Americans’ mail, using Sheryl Crow as his emotional pillar while fighting nut cancer that this cunt gave himself after doping himself up with every performance enhancing drug known to man and beast, neglecting that same washed up cunt when she got cancer of her own, boning one of those emotionally fucked up Olsen twins with his one remaining nut, giving false hope to bald, vomiting kids in cancer wards and then spilling his guts to that overpaid and over-worshipped twat, Oprah Winfrey whose cunt probably looks like my wallet.

Nominated by: TIG

Digital Technology

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Our first colour telly (a Decca bought by my dad in 1970) lasted until 1989…. A telly used to be a piece of furniture: made of proper wood and glass, with an ornament or lamp put on the top of it…. Now we get these crappy plastic flat screen things…. The picture is shit, they are terrible to clean, and when the screen ‘leaks’ and there is streaks of blue/green ink/gunge/shit inside the screen… Tellys these days are substandard shite, and so are the shows that are on them…

The so-called digital miracle is overhyped, overrated turd…. More goes wrong now with a telly reception than it ever did with the old analogue signal… You name it: pixelated picture, pops and glitches in the sound, that BBC iPlayer is shite (it stops and starts like Norman Collier!), and of course no tests are done during downtime (because there is now crap on the box 24 hours a day!)… No kid with Bubbles the clown and the blackboard, so any potential faults go undetected…

In fact I would rather watch the Testcard than the crap that is in today…

Nominated by: Norman

TTIP

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TTIP

Talking of evil right and left wing scum, I think its high time the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership was outed for being the monolithic cunt that it is.

I don’t like the EU, at all. I don’t like any socialist leaning, all encompassing society encroachment on my life. But the EU as a trade body does quite well at somethings, like keeping cunts like Monsanto from flogging its ‘Genetically Modified’ frankenfood in EU member states.

And, unlike those sepo cunts across the atlantic, we in Europe like to prove things are safe before we allow them to be used in public. Not so over there, anything can be used until it causes enough cancer to instigate a class action law suit. An iterating quote from the Guardian sites that in the EU there are 1200+ substances banned from use in cosmetics, yet those tea party throwing cunts across the Atlantic have only banned 12 KNOWN CARCINOGENS!!!

Government legislation damaging your business? Guess what, TTIP will allow you to sue the democratically elected government (if you have enough money) for loss of earnings, behind closed doors! And this is were the real cuntitude starts to creep through, these fuckers want a separate court to hear these claims, thereby subvert the last bastion of freedom which is ‘Equality before the law’. Imagine that, now multinational companies can actually run countries, innit brilliant?!?!?

So NHS, guess what? Yep, privatised. Because if you don’t, we will sue you for potential lost profits.

Utility Contracts? Yep, see above.

Public services in the UK are currently run by utter cunts, but they are some order of magnitude less cunty than those in Uhr-merica. I lived there long enough and had to deal with there shit. Thats what TTIP has in store for Europe.

Let get one thing straight, Uhrmerica is one fucking great cunt hole. It makes nothing of any notable value, it produces nothing pivotal to global survival. Its just mass market mediocrity, that is aspired to and idolised by the third world for some reason.

The UK is shit at a lot of things, but at least we only fingerprint CRIMINALS. Decent people don’t want to stay in the US thank you very much, its a fucking leper colony.

Time to throw them a little tea party… No, we should be more progressive, Polonium Sushi is more effective these days.

Fuck Yeah.

Nominated by: The Captain

Morrissey [2]

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Morrissey. Apart from the shitty…fucking…songs of misery, he’s a complete twat. Morrissey is a vegan, which means he considers it his God given right to tell everyone else on the planet what they should.

For example, he recently cancelled a gig in Iceland, (the country, not the shop), because the venue he had chosen in Reykjavik refused his demand to only sell vegetarian food. The venue promptly told Morrissey to fuck off. Not those exact words, obviously, but it was made clear that the venue’s management reserved the right to sell whatever fucking food they wanted, including food containing meat.

Naturally, Morrissey went full drama queen. In his little rant, he even used the word “cannibalism”. Last time I checked, and that was immediately after reading the story, cannibalism involves one human eating the flesh and/or organs of another human. Hot dogs are made from pigs. Which are not human.

So, fuck you Morrissey. You are an eternal twat. Your music is miserable AND shite. You have an unjustified sense of moral superiority, and don’t even know what a fucking cannibal eats. Thick fucker.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Morrissey is indeed an irritating twat of epic proportions. This from an interview with him:

“While we were playing the song “Meat Is Murder,” somebody in the audience threw a heap of sausages onto the stage, and oddly, they hit me in the face and part of them got in my mouth…”

Yes Morrissey, I’m sure you have had this experience many times backstage as well….

Nominated by: Lez

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse….

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Telesales [2]

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I’d like to offer for an extreme cunting – the telemarket, telesales cold calling industry, whose invasion of privacy has now reached epic proportions.

After managing to get some time away from work to indulge in mindless hedonistic pleasures, I have had 15 of these parasites calling my mobile and my landline (the latter which is ex-directory). Quite how they know who I am is beyond me, other than the probable fact that the cunts who maintain the electoral role have sold my confidential info to them.

Bad enough being pestered by some non-English speaking idiot, who fails to understand the rudiments of the words “bugger off”, but for them to then ring back 30 minutes later or clog up my answering machine with verbal diarrhea is to put it mildly, infuriating.

Nominated by: Lez