The McDonald’s Christmas Ad

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Speaking of Christmas adverts, that fucking McDonalds advert. Jesus Christ! What a family of irritating cunts.

“Dad, why are you so grumpy?!” squeals one of little shits in the back of the car. If that was me I would pull the car over, grip the wheel tighter than my Mrs’ arsehole and calmly explain ” I’m grumpy because I’ve created the worst domestic unit known to man. You shits and your mother are such a disappointment to me that I’ve been spending most of my evenings indulging in smack and having sex with the local street walkers. I hate every fiber of your beings”.

I would then systematically shoot each one of them in the face. Leaving that fucking little fuck pig-boy till last so I could see the despair that the child locks had put onto his chubby shitty face, then delicately kiss him on the forehead and whisper in his ear “Like Wizard do you, you camp cunt?”, then put the twats brains over the back window.

Well, that would be what I would do anyway. Merry Christmas.

Nominated by: Cunt O’MaCunto

Christmas Chefs

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Chefs at Xmas. They’ll all be at it soon -kitchens that look like a grotto, a dozen friends and the token black everything perfect with Bing or Nat singing in the background and to complete the merriment a seasonal cook book, available at all good book retailers, or your local charity shop boxing day, or poundland -buy one get ten free- come Easter.

Never do a good recipe for reindeer stuffed with assorted Santa and Elf sweetmeats do they?

Oh fucking joy unbound.

Cunts.

Nominated by: King Cunt

Amazon at Christmas

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Just think of poor little Jonny on Xmas day, he rushes down to the tree to see if Santa has been and delivered his Xbox, he has been a good boy all year, he wrote his letter to Santa and cannot contain his excitement…

He rushes down the stairs, “has he been? has he been?” he proclaims…

Under the tree is nothing, not one present. Jonny cannot work this out, he had been a good boy.
He asks his MUm, “Why did Santa not come?”

“Jonny”, she replies, “he uses Royal Mail & Yodel to deliver his presents,” “and they have not arrived. Remember when you wrote to santa on-line in September, asking for an Xbox?”

“Yes mummy”

“Well everything is on-line now, even Santa’s deliveries come from the magical elfs’ factory, known as Amazon. He does not guarantee delivery by Xmas”

Happy fucking Christmas Jonny!

Nominated by:Boaby

Automatic tipping

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Automatic tipping is a cunt. Got a taxi the other day, fucking non English speaking paki as per fucking usual, car falling to bits and smelled like 3 week old kipper vindaloo, not only did the cunt not know my hotel ( big hotel ) he couldn’t even use the GPS he had or the radio to call dispatch for assistance. He took the millionaire option and phoned a friend and eventually we got there. Did he expect a tip? Yes he most certainly did and was very specific about it too, suddenly the cunt decided he did speak English after all; “You give 15%, I no go wrong way ” So the cunt expected a tip because he didn’t try to fuck me? Fuck off you cunt!

I have no objection to giving a good tip if I receive good service, but it has to be fucking good. Simply doing an OK job isn’t good enough. If you want a good tip, here it is; learn to fucking type you lazy cunt!

Nominated by: Fat Rich

I do a lot of cruising and it really gets up my nose when they add $10 per person per day ‘optional gratuity’ to my bill ‘for my convenience’. That’s a fucking lot of money on a three week trip!!!

I’ve never been embarrassed to ask them to remove it – sometimes several times before it actually happens! Include it in the upfront price and stop taking me for a cunt, you cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese

Benedict Cumberbatch

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Benedict Cumberbatch – daft trollops wanting to commit suicide because he’s got married, for fucks sake, this man is just a complete cunt of the highest order, and why so fucking posh?

For what I can work out using the internet, and old VHS tapes, his sister is married to Rodney Trotter, his mum is a bossy old tart who drives around in futuristic cars from the 1970s, and his dad is a bloke who owns a printing firm and a limousine company hiring out old Ford Granada’s.

I also found out that his dad’s been in nick, and also buys old dodgy mobile phones off someone called Arthur Dailey, Arthur bloody Dailey, the biggest used car salesman in north London.

Nominated by: Ram it home Ginger Rogers

Yet another rich born left wing twat, who thinks he has a god given right to lecture people on the need to bring an unlimited number of ‘refugees’ to the UK. Which is what he did at the end of his Hamlet gigs. If I’d been at one of those performances, I’d have got up and walked out as soon as the Hamlet bit was over.

It’s all very well shouting “FUCK THE GOVERNMENT” (very classy by the way), and demanding that more foreign parasites be allowed to permanently settle in the UK. But people like Bendydick were born into privilege. They’ve never lived in the areas that these so called refugees get sent to. They’ve never seen the disruption, or the tensions it’s caused with the indigenous people, because nobody asked if they WANTED a bunch of, mostly, aggressive and hostile strangers to bring their alien culture to a long established community.

The only experience cunts like Benzadrine Cuntflaps have of immigrants, come from the fucking au pairs, maids and cleaners they hire on the cheap. The worst of them, are those like Geldof and Cooper-Balls. They both offered to put up a Syrian ‘refugee’ family in their own homes. Now that the fuckers are over here, Geldof and Cooper-Balls have both been strangely silent on that issue. Cooper-Balls was interviewed over the phone by Nick Ferrari on his radio show a few weeks back. All was going well until Nick enquired about her promise to house a refugee family. The line suddenly went dead. Refugees welcome? Only until she has to keep a promise.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Cumberbatch was really quite good as Hamlet. Shame’s he’s such a cunt in real life…

Have a refugee for Christmas, Bennie. It’s cheaper than a turkey!

Nominated by: Dioclese