I want to Cunt people who begin every spoken sentence with “Basically” and finish it with “You Know”

A minor irritation in the grand scheme of things,I’ll admit, but it’s something that I’ve got stuck in my head. Every interview on the radio or telly and I’m poised,waiting for the vacuous Cunt who can’t express themselves without bracketing their inane gibberish with “Basically” and “You Know”.

My neurosis about such a meaningless thing has reached the point where I’ve begun to count how many “you knows” people can pack into one lungful of speech. It’s become some kind of a bizarre fixation with me. When the men in white coats tun up to remove me, I’ll probably be gibbering about it basically,you know,all being the Cunts fault, you know.

Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

A cunting for all the weak cunts over there in the UK moaning about a spot of warm weather. FFS, we in Oz get about two months of 40 degree + days in summer and bloody well love it. When will these cunts wake up to the fact that reverse cycle air conditioning is the cheapest, most efficient way of warming a house in winter and cooling it in summer?

Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt

I am not your usual Englishman who moans when there is no summer and then moans like fuck when it is lovely and hot for weeks on end.
Nor am I your usual Englishman because I (usually) have better things to talk about than the Weather… and, yet, here we are..

So, dear Weather, you absolute Cunt:
You send us glorious sunshine, blue skies and clear nights for week upon week, without break, due in no small part to one of your relatives milling around out there over the Atlantic Ocean called the Gulf Stream, causing all kinds of mayhem and shenanigans with the weather patterns.
In Fact we became so used to the skies being clear night after night after night that we took it for granted; but, oh lucky stars, you are not content with just being a Cunt, oh no; you are a Funny Cunt!..

On the ONE DAY in a CENTURY that we should be able to see one of natures greatest wonders, namely a bright red Blood Moon caused by a total lunar eclipse that lasted hours, you decide in your infantile wisdom that tonight, of all nights, will be the time when you finally decide to grace us with your pissing (see what I did there?) clouds!
So, whilst every other cunt on planet Cunting Earth gets to see Nature’s Cunting Glory; this Englishman was not so privileged.

Nominated by Multiple Migs

Whilst I am on a roll, I would like to nominate free air users for a cunting.

In a bit of a rush, notice one tyre a bit low on air, so go to Sainsbury’s garage to pump it up. Why do I always get behind some cunt who want to make checking his/her tyre pressures a fucking day out. I’m surprised some of the cunts dont take sandwiches.

Then they decide to check their water level. I always thought that taking the pressure cap off a hot car was a little on the dangerous side, but what the fuck they do it anyway.

Then they get back in their car, fuck about again for 5 minutes doing god knows what and then drive away.

Not bad, only took 20 minutes. Cunts.

Nominated by Roge

White Privilege, moreover those thunder CUNTS who genuinely believe that those of us with ‘white’ skin are in some way advantaged over all others, are throbbing CUNTS of the highest order.

Firstly, you don’t fucking know me, so how can you assume I’m fucking privileged? I come from a shit hole, former mining town in Nottinghamshire…..not what I’d call privileged. My Dad worked shit hours as a security guard and my Mum a machinist making cushions and other such soft bollocks, hardly silver spoon shit! My school did, and still does, look like a fucking Prison, teachers were shite but tried their best with us. I seem to remember having the same opportunity to ‘learn’ at school as the next cunt, irrespective of colour or creed.

But here’s the thing, me and my younger brother were brought up knowing if we wanted anything in life, WE had to work for it. No fucking handouts, family, government or otherwise. Sitting on our arses wasn’t an option, playing the victim card wasn’t an option. You want something? Fuck off and earn it you little cunt!

I couldn’t be arsed with school, spent most of my time smoking roll-ups and finger blasting slappers in the playground, leaving at age 16 with 4 GCSE’s worthy of note i.e. A-C…..two of those being Art and History, Oxbridge I most certainly was fucking not!

Anyway, fuck that, the very notion that by being WHITE therefore makes me PRIVILEGED offends (I’ll be careful how I use that word, I realise every cunt is offended nowadays) me. I and my family / friends all worked fucking hard for what we have in life…..

Stop playing the fucking victim, grow some balls and learn / work or do whatever the fuck you’ve got to do in order to make something of your life and please, please, please stop blaming ‘da whiteman’ for all your shit!

Rant over…..CUNTS

Nominated by Spunk Chops

Nomination: Elin Ersson

Who: Swedish liberal activist (I could almost stop there).

Cunt: Another day, another LOL at Europe’s trusty cuckold country. This abominable little shitcunt has disrupted a plane whilst protesting on board, a plane which she believed was destined to deport an Afghani illegal.

(Apparently, she got the wrong plane. They were deporting someone else)

Not only was the Afghani due for deportation not actually on the plane (and is indeed still due to be flown out), but this cunt could face 6 months in prison herself for the disruption and thanks to her vanity, the protest was filmed and now millions across the globe know the full capacity of her cuntitude.

You fucking stupid bitch. I hope this ruins the cunt good and proper.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back