The Government and it’s ‘Spaceport’ deserve a nomination. We all know that May has a tendency to ignore the advice of people who are paid to advise her, preferring instead to listen to the voices in her head. But this is just fucking ridiculous.

It was recently announced that the Government was keen to get back in on the space race, having abandoned our previous participation about fifty years ago. Now, experts will tell you that the best location for a facility to launch rockets into space is close to the equator. Apparently, the reason for this is that equator is where Earth’s rotational speed is at its highest. This gives rockets a natural boost, and saves having to pay the cost of extra fuel and boosters.

Like I said though, May prefers to ignore the advice of people who know better, and instead of siting the ‘spaceport’ on a British territory close to the equator, she and her government have instead chosen to site the damn place in….Sutherland, Scotland. This will make Britain’s shiny new launch facility the most northerly launch facility in the world, and means that when we eventually get round to actually launching rockets, we, the taxpayer, will have to pay extra to ensure they have enough fuel to get into orbit. (Sarcastic applause) Well done Theresa.

I have nothing against Sutherland. I’m sure it’s a perfectly nice place. But there is no practical or financial reason for our new venture into the realm of the Death Star to be placed there. There is, however, a very good political reason. With the SNP’s calls for a second once in a lifetime referendum on independence, the government wants the Scottish people to know that it fully supports them, cares about them, and would prefer they didn’t vote to leave the United Kingdom.

In other words, it’s a blatant attempt to bribe the Scottish into staying in the union. We all know that May is a moron, she seems determined to prove that she really is on another planet.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Advertising executives are long overdue a cunting.

A world inhabited with cunts that sit in endless meetings sporting Hypster beards and who no doubt cover up their lack of intelligence or creativity by saying ‘Like Ya’ and who ultimately came up with the new GoCat advert deserve a truly royal cunting.

Now bear in mind Cats lick their own assholes on a daily basis, lick their own cocks if they have one, kill for fun wildlife and sometimes eat their spoils, mostly they don’t as they just enjoy the torture element, some bunch of cunts as described above have created a new advertising campaign for GoCat Mixer.

Now I know we live in an age where advertisers will try to sell us a utopian dream that’s only a stones throw away, just as long as we eat/apply/subscribe/worship their latest pile of cunt but GoCat have just raised the fooooking bar.

If you thought you’re cat and presumably next will be your dog was immune to this guilt tripping, think again.

GoCat are now marketing their reconstituted shit as having ‘No artificial colourings or additives so your cat can live a healthier life’. This seminal piece of advertising history in the making includes cuddly film of a cuddly kitten/cat with a kiddy voice over that I can only assume is the sort of voice dungeree wearing fat lesbians adopt when talking to their only friends, ie Tiddles….

No doubt the cunts will add a few quid to the asking price, safe in the knowledge that Jenny the fat single lesbian thinks by buying this shite Tiddles May live an extra day or so, meanwhile Tiddles will continue to lick his ass, kill wildlife, shit in your garden and throw up fur balls under your bed.

Anyone for Snake Oil?

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

As a loyal Englishman, it’s utterly depressing that when the Hunchback is forced from office and the new Tory leader may be forced to call a general election, 90% of spinless English cunts will re-vote LibLabCon.

There is, of course, no-one to vote for if you’re a working or middle class person; all the three main parties utterly despise us and with good reason.

We are the people that saw off Hitler and numerous other threats to our sovereignty. Yet for the past forty years, we’ve been getting softer and wussier, culminating in the current state of snowflakiness.

Our country is under threat from corporations, politicians, darkies of all stripe, the council-estate dwelling, jobless indigenous scum and general left-wing cuntiness. They all seek to undo our traditions, our heritage and everything that it means to be English.

And what do we do?
Fuck all; as long as we have our cars, our phones, our Starbucks, regular employment and an overly-expensive roof over our heads; we’re content to be worthless, spineless, lazy chicken-shit cunts, forever grumping and grumbling but never standing up. Of course, most cunters on here are guilty of this, at least in terms of (in)action, if not thought, myself included.

What recently happened to Tommy Robinson was a good indication of the “elite’s” opinion of us – I have it on good authority (brother-in-law being a DI in the Met) that this will happen to anyone who sticks their head too far above the parapet, no surprise there. It was heartening to see many white blokes out demonstrating in London and, surprisingly, no-one being arrested and charged with trumped up bullshit.

In this cunter’s personal opinion (and feel free to say that I’m wrong), I believe that not a damn thing will change until Catweazle Corbyn gets the keys to #10 (inevitable) and really starts fucking us, leading to quite literal desperation amongst the white working/middle class, with industry decimated and an astronomical tax burden imposed.

Then, and only then, will there be riots and hopefully a revolution, after which, all enemies of the country will be executed or deported and we can return this green and pleasant land to how it was 50 years ago.

Nominated by Thomas the Cunt Engine

A cunting for the European Parliament.
I have never given it much thought but I recently watched recordings I had made of ‘Carry on Brussels’, a documentary about this institution.
What a monumental waste of time, money and resources.

UKIP are there to be awkward. Serve no other purpose.

The single Lib Dem along with good old AC Grayling meets with Verhofstadt to encourage the EU to be difficult so that Brexit fails. (That is borderline treason in my book)

Some earnest London Labour cunt has spent 6 months, along with his equally gormless assistant putting together something which may have something to do with eating less red meat. Perhaps. I couldn’t fathom out what it actually was.

They all move to Strasbourg from Brussels every month. Huge cost and fuck knows why.

Debates seem to be restricted to 90 seconds per participant.

Whatever it is they vote on, and again it isn’t at all clear what this is, is a high speed chaotic shambles.

The MEPs don’t seem to represent their electorate. They represent the EU.

The drinks and expenses seem to flow at every opportunity.

At no point was I able to discern what this bunch of cunts actually did or what they were for.

There are about 700 MEPs but it takes 7000 staff in total to achieve very little, if anything.

What a self regarding, useless, parasitical bunch of cunts.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble