Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Birds of a Feather

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There’s one memorable scene in the otherwise shitely forgettable sequel ‘The Fly 2”. A mutated dog, previously a pet pooch to the Son of Brundle and later a failed genetic experiment, crawls pitifully and genuinely upsettingly out of a hatch towards some food and howls in agony. The same feelings of revulsion and pity are evoked whenever I see the old lush trifecta of Pauline Quirke, Linda Robson and the minger that plays Doreen; year upon year, painfully dragging their grotesquely distended and well-used faffs around behind them, all for cheap laughs in a genuinely atrocious Shitcom.

‘Birds of a Feather’ has always just been there – like that wart or old scar. It has been endlessly pointless and utterly twee bollocks. In one of a handful of good decisions made by the Al-Beeb in my lifetime, they eventually axed/let it go; only for the three cunts to re-unite years later courtesy of certified shitheap celebrity resting place ITV.

Abysmal, and to this day I have no fucking clue what the premise is, other than charting the fortunes of three hideous single mothers going from shit to shite. It’s been on the TV for decades and I can only assume that one of the three matriarchal cunts has incriminating photos of both BBC and ITV chief commissioning editors.

What an absolute fucking shitshow of cunt.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Fun Runs

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What sort of sweaty cunt thinks that any sort of run could be fun? The sight of these fanatics boils my piss every time. They imagine they’re so fucking superior in their faggot sports clothes. Just fuck off you cunts.

Nominated by Jimmy the spaz

Chuka Umunna [4]

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A slap headed, eyes wide open, mouth wide open cunting for that oily heap of careerist shit, Fucka Umunna

Apparently, so desperate is he to get the keys to No. 10 (prancing round the early Sunday morning streets with dear friend Peter Mangeldbum prior to appearing on BBC TV to announce his candidature for leadership only to withdraw it 2 days later was a bit of a bummer), he has now gone all mental health expert by calling knife and gun toting scum *a disease*:

What the fuck. I read of a case yesterday where a 14 year old boy appeared in court charged with knifing another youth, but so anxious were they to spare the poor little bleeders feelings of anxiety, the lawyers appeared minus their wigs and gowns, so as not to frighten the little cunt. If you commit an adult crime you should be treated as an adult, whatever your age. In fact that it probably the ideal age to put the fear of fuck into the little motherfuckers.

How can Umunna, with his fancy ways, and lovely wife, who spends a fortune on his exclusive club where he has his own key to the gin cupboard, possibly know the terror these feral bastards can have on ordinary people. Yes he is black innit (or a bit black) but he is as in touch with his bros as Robert Mugabe was.

This vacuous wankstain is a young(ish) man in a hurry. He has proved he will say anything, do anything to get his scrawny arse on the cabinet or shadow cabinet chair (as long as he has a *nice* leader who he can crawl to). He is also an avid Remainer. He is a 100% inhanced improved Blairite arselicker.

Nominated b W.C.Boggs

The Gender Pay Gap [2]

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The Gender Pay Gap

Or, more specifically, the BBC and Guardian’s ridiculous obsession with it.
Now then I’m all for equal pay (and in fact wouldn’t mind in the slightest if the missus earnt more than me then she can go out to work and I’ll while away an hour or two on the sofa and tune into the cricket).
But what really get my goat is this rabid and hysterical expectation that employers/ business/ government etc do something NOW /IMMEDIATELY/WITHOUT DELAY. “It’s a national disgrace “ !!!!
The fact of the matter is that it will take several decades for average pay differentials to work their out of the system as males and females enter and leave the workforce. Men go out to work and women of necessity take career breaks to bring up the kids. It’s also not gonna change overnight that for cultural, historical and flexibility reasons that more women work in low paying jobs such as cleaning, care, retail and in nurseries. Fact of life.
Outside the usual self-obsessed metropolitan cunts, most women accept this and get on with daily life. I have never yet -ever- met a woman whose obsession with this is the burning, angry issue the media (and in particular the femistasi at the BBC) would have us think it is. It’s never even discussed!!!

Nominated by Isaac Hunt

British Gas

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Have been a British Gas customer ever since I purchased my first property back in 1983. Thirty five years.

Have been in my current property since 1993 (twenty five years in August).

Throughout that time our gas consumption has been fairly consistent from one year to the next- using more gas in the winter naturally than in the summer. They can clearly check this from their records if they could be the least bit bothered.

Despite this our direct debits have varied from £25 a month up to an eye watering £160 month. At one stage we had built up a credit in excess of £1,600, which I demanded back and which they paid (not with interest of course).

The last time I spoke with the cunts was paying £110 a month and was in credit (again). Told them just to take my average usage over the past year and divide by 12. They said they would be reducing my monthly direct debit to £35 a month. I said call it £50 because sick and tired of the yoyo effect of the monthly payments. After doing this within two months have already increased from the agreed £50 to £70. Cunts.

Last week I decided to submit my meter reading online which I did. Thought this would help matters. During the process I was continually directed towards getting a smart meter. Did I want a smart meter. Did I want to learn more about smart meters. Did I want to speak to someone about smart meters. No, no and for fuck sake no.

Regarding smart meters I have hear many bad reports about these devices using old technology and being unreliable, saving on average only £26 a year (whoopidoo)- scrub that, after this weeks news make that £11 A YEAR, and NOT having the ability to send the usage details back to the supplier, have arrived at the stark conclusion that they are a complete waste of fucking time, money (everyone contributes towards the cost of the useless devices) and simply not worth the hassle.

Have been waiting for my latest bill to arrive. Instead, this morning, whilst having breakfast I received a knock at the door from a dopey cunt gas meter reader. This is despite my meter having been read by me only a week ago (and the reading forwarded to British Gas as per their two automated phone messages) and again within the last two months.

Rather unusually for me I became rather irked, questioning the necessity of having my meter read (unannounced and during breakfast) yet AGAIN. I questioned the logic of this and what was the point on submitting a reading online? He (the outsourced cunt) informed me that they are usually sent out to read a meter when they have had a reading already submitted by a customer. This I understand (from my reliable next door neighbour) to be complete bollocks.

I will be writing directly to British Gas to complain about this mornings incident as it was unnecessary and an unwanted intrusion of our privacy.

Surely in the 21st century it is not beyond the realms of possibility for British Gas have a system that works efficiently for the customer? By not having meters read every 5 fucking minutes, not increasing and decreasing direct debits every two or three months especially with long standing customers, and not persevering with smart meters which has condemned as being a waste of time and not fit for purpose.

Perhaps if they did the would not be losing so many of their long term customers.

Nominated by Willie Stroker