People who use nouns as verbs are cunts, aren’t they?

Pimp my wheels.
It will impact your life.
I’m going to Porsche to the shops.
You must evidence your work. (I once said in a meeting that this was used incorrectly and was not a verb which initiated lots of eye-rolling from the assistant “manager” who not only looked, spoke, and behaved like a bus driver, but swore like one too, the corpulent, illiterate, voluntarily-bald, beardy Chelsea-fan cunt).

Note to Football commentators: Using “to gift” makes you sound even more moronic than you are..

I believe people who favour this style of hateful composition should be sent on ECT training to prevent them eventually speaking thus:
Yesterday I supermarketed, then tilled. I vehicled to my home and mealed my girlfriend some pasta during which she cidered and I beered.
Later, after we’d tennissed we TVed until the kids homed. We parented for an hour. We were storybooking for hours.
At Midnight, after GinAndTonicing, my girlfriend and I bedded and I penised her for half an hour.

The only time I’ve seen it used correctly is the the verb “to cunt” which naturally makes perfect sense and the use of which is God-like.

Let them be Cunted.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

I would like to cunt the notion of Attitude.

My daughter is 14 and has a consistently bad attitude. But there is an idea that to be somebody or to make your mark on the world you have to project an attitude to get you noticed. It gets many young bleck cunts, and white, in Suckdick Khunt’s utopia murdered. Stephen Lawrence has somehow been elevated to Sainthood because that is the attitude that needs to be seen, in Cultural Marxism, towards putting real, but mostly imagined, racism to the fore. It’s an industry. It keeps ex professional footballers in a job. I took one look at the photo of the Lawrence lad on the day after the murder and to me, with a face like that, bleck or not, he looked very punchable. He shouldn’t have been murdered but was it racist? Very likely. He’s not a fucking saint though. He’s a dead bleck mother’s son. Dunno about his attitude.

You see attitude on car bumper stickers. “Caution Show Dogs in Transit” from a snooty posh cunt, all Barbour and wellies. A cartoon urinating on a Liverpool shirt. Probably the right attitude. Punk rock had an attitude. That charlatan Malcolm McLaren went to New York, saw Richard Hell with a ripped jacket held together with a safety pin, Sylvain Sylvain with a baby’s dummy round his neck at a New York Dolls gig, and took the sound and dress sense back to London. In the meantime in London John Lydon wore a ripped Pink Floyd T shirt with “I hate” in biro scrawled above the band’s name. NWA Niggles With Attitude was another “band.”

Attitude is being taught to children in schools and posted on Facebook by attitudinal parents. We’ve reached a point where people with absolutely fuck all going for them have to project upon the world who they are: Goths, Trannies, Homos (they didn’t all come out of the womb mincing and talking like that, it was learned) vegans with faces like a fight with a nail gun etc.

Sadly today I saw an old female, crippled cunt, fat, looked like a sack of shit, knock kneed with a stick and she had bright fucking blue hair. Because I might be a spaz but I’ve got attitude. No you haven’t you dozy trout you’re a fat spazzed up cunt. Attitude is a cunt because it’s inflicted on the rest of us.

We call it cuntitude.

Nominated by Alan Fistula

Gin and Tonic deserves a cunting.  There was a time when, on entering a bar, buying a G&T was easy.  It was Gordon’s with Schweppes tonic water, a slice of lemon and some ice.  In my day’s in the mess, it was a good way to get pissed without getting a hangover.  And it’s tasty – good on a hot, summer’s day or a relaxer after work.  Now, because of the work of cunts with beards (for that’s what they are), asking for a G&T results in you being handed a menu, and that’s just for the fucking tonic water!

In 2010, there were 116 gin distilleries in the UK.  Now there are over 300, all because cunts with beards believe they have distilled the latest elixir of life.  And another set of beardies is endlessly re-inventing tonic water.  Now, listen up you cunts – a G&T is a London Dry Gin served in a straight glass with plenty of ice, tonic water and a slice of lemon.  And it all tastes the same, especially after the fourth or fifth glass.  Gin has been around since the 13th century, so beardies, you’re making nothing new.  Cunts.

Nominated by Sgt Maj Cunt

A swift cunting for all these sagging meatsacks of the female variety who get starkers on calendars, for various charidees. Or sometimes just for workplace social progressivism.

Now some of the causes may be worthy perhaps, but this seems to me a cheap double standard in my eyes, eyes which have been assaulted by funbags hanging below the navel and bingo wings suffering from a case of flesh rot. Why is this gross violation tolerated, but tight and able bodied women can’t work clothed to promote F1? Money is exchanged in both instances afterall.

Maybe I’m seeing this all wrong and I’m the cunt here. I just don’t want to see giggly-jiggly grandmas on display to be frank.

Nominated by The Big Chunky Cunty

It’s ISAC Gameshow time again.

In September 2017, a man (Ismael Osamor) was arrested at the Bestival festival in Dorset. He is found with £2500 worth of drugs (ecstasy, cocaine, cannabis, ketamine). At the time he was working as a Labour Councillor in Haringey. What do you think happened:-

a.) Osamor was fined £2500 (the same amount), sentenced to six months prison, and consequently lost his job. His mother (Kate Osamor, Shadow International Development Secretary) was distraught.

b.) Osamor was fined £2500, sentenced to a two-year community order and nobly resigned his Councillor position immediately. His mother (Kate Osamor, Shadow International Development Secretary) was distraught.

c.) Osamor was merely sentenced to a two-year community order and only resigned last week (October 2018). He continues to work for his mother (Kate Osamor, Shadow International Development Secretary) as a senior communications officer.

I’ll give you ten seconds….

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

*****UPDATE*****
1st December – the cunt has resigned from the Shadow Cabinet. Strike one for our side!