Oh, by the living toasted balls of Lucifer…here we go again. A cunting must be needed for the media and public overreaction to the coldish weather. Amber weather warnings and scaremongering literal snowflake news reports of “Ice Chaos” are coming in again. People have apparently already crashed on Britain’s roads due to ice and about 0.9mm of sleet on the ground at the time of writing this.

Other countries that have several feet of snow and the minus chart gets into two figures must be laughing their cocks and cunts off at us. A slight dusting of snow, and the entire country grinds to a halt, services stop, schools close, people start stockpiling groceries and fighting each other in scummermarkets as if it were a “Threads” style nuclear holocaust, people start stressing out on FaceFuck, Instacunt and Twatter about the so-called “crisis coming our way” and motorways will be blocked due to jack-knifed HGV’s making everyone’s day a cunt of exhibition grade quality. Fuck me in a pigeon-loft. Some HGV’s overturn if there’s a fucking banana peel on the carriageway.

No doubt the blue-haired personages of Neverland persuasion will be stockpiling food for their unicorns and the ginger right-on Rupert Bear hipsters will be stocking up on granola and beard-oil for the winter apocalypse that’s thundering our way. “This ice and snow deeply offends me”. Fuck off, you pixiedust cunt.

This isn’t the Sahara, the Bahamas or a known heat-level akin to the depths of hell? Haven’t sheeple in this country seen snow and ice before? Jesus on a unicycle, it’s the same situation every cunting year? Greedy, over-entitled, selfish and cuntish society. Welcome to the era of non-responsibility…and cuntitude. It’s winter! It’s supposed to be cold. For the love of Pete!

Nominated by Twatvarnish

The weather can be a cunt sometimes. I see it is minus 11 degrees in parts of the UK at the moment and fuckin’ 42 degrees where I live in Australia.
Thank fuck “Star Trek ” style teleportation is not here yet. We would be flooded with shivering Poms and you would be inundated with blistered Aussies. From the news it even seems it is going to get colder here and hotter in Australia in the coming weeks. Mind you, I’ll take the heat over the cold at any time.

Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt

I would like to nominate The Homeless for a cunting.

Now this is the season of “Good Will to All Men” (is that sexist? tough), so is the Rebel such an unkind and unfeeling cunt…well, I never used to be….

Last week in Lutonistab I rock up to my usual “unofficial” parking space at the digs and am immediately accosted by a couple of the “spare sam change forra cuppa gav’nor” types asking forra “spare” tab.

I explained I only smoked rollies (with no funny business in there either) – even better they say.

Well it was the first properly frosty night of the year and so I rolled them a couple each (cos they were shivering) and gave them a wee baggy of baccy in a money bag with a packet of papers and some tips.

After we had a smoke together and I was about to leave them they asked if I could spare some change. Well I had no change, I had a tenner, that’s it.

Fuck it I thought, even if they drink it, drug it, or actually go to the hostel – as they said – I couldn’t handle being out in -2 either! So I gave them the tenner.

My kindness was repaid by me finding my car the following morning with no driver’s side window and – the irony – fuck all taken, because there was fuck all to take, because I’m not a fucking idiot!

Lo and behold the digs CCTV shows one of my new found “friends” bricking my window, whilst t’other was the lookout.

O’course Beds police were all over it. After being redirected from 101, to Beds police telephone, to the automated operator telling me I can now register my crime online, or wait to speak to a moron…o’course this was at the unsociable hour of 8.15am…

“Hello this is Bedfordshire Police. No one can take your call right now but if you leave your name, number or gargle with a blood-filled final death rattle, we will get back to you. Your call is important to us.”

So I leave my message, but the infuriating thing is that my mass produced Japanese car had no fucking side glass in the entire southeast of England even though I’ve seen dozens of “grooming rape-gang” types driving them as taxis – yeah really fucking exotic!

That necessitated an extra night in hell and £75 of my hard-earned going to Autoglass.

That’s not what really rankles. What really rankles is the fact I was accosted by another cunt stood outside Lutonistab McD’s yesterday asking for my spare change to which I replied: “No, sorry.”

To be lectured: “Oh, wey’ul vat’s noice mayte. Oy mean, it’s ownly fackin’ Christmas ain’t it!”

I walked straight over to the cunt and gave the cunt the full SP (including showing the cunt the images Bedfordshire police were disinterested in) and said: “So right MATE! WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IN MY SITUATION!?!”

“Wey’ul, that wan’t me was it!”

So I offered to buy the cunt a McD’s to which – honestly – the cunt replied: “Oy dun loike ’em!”

Well tough to be you, you cunt! I also told the cunt to pass it around in his circles that treating kindness like a cunt will be repaid tenfold!

This on the same day that it’s announced that 300 or 600 homeless died last year. Well, with the exception of former squaddies badly let down by our immo-loving govt, TOUGH!

As Dick would say, fuck ’em!

Bah Humbug,

Rebel Ebenezer Cunt!

P.S. Bedfordshire police did call back the following day to give me an incident number and to ask if I needed “Victim Support Counseling”, I shit you not! Good job I decided not to deride the cunts on twitter otherwise – as a tax-paying, hated, middle-aged, white man, I’d be in chalky now!

Nominated by Rebel Without A Cunt

British Weather
Those who perceive the British weather in a series of myopic delusions are stoopid cunts aren’t they?
Now that winter is here, every five minutes people are going to be harping on about that imminent snowfall that’ll make the country look like Santa’s north pole.
Three millimetres of icy slush will settle and the whole workshy country will have a day off school and work. Apparently people can’t drive in the snow. Hardly Swiss snowdrifts though are they? It’s just a bit of oily slush.
The reality of course is a never ending misty drizzle that permeates everything. So bad in fact that nobody will even go outside. Every dog in the country is taking a shit on the lawn because their owners can’t face a bit of rain. Fucking pussies, it’s been raining for thousands of years here, you’d think we’d be taking it in our stride by now.
These same people will be the first to start wittering about the mythical Indian summer during the April rains.
Fucking deluded cunts.
The same ones who actually think a bit of wind coming in from the Atlantic constitutes another alphabetically named storm. Or a bit of an icy breeze necessitates an entire sentence.
“Beast from the east” my fucking arse.
Why must we all pretend things are all so much more dramatic than they actually are?

Nominated by Cuntflap

Rail Fare Increases

So along comes the first of January and what’s all over the News channels? There’s going to be an increase in rail fares on 1st January. Shock! Horror!

Since when was this fucking news? I remember back in the late 60’s (yes I really am that old!) when rail fares went up on January 1st. It’s happened every year since. Now I appreciate that we’re in the dead zone for news until after the Christmas / New Year holidays that seem to go on for a fortnight, but this really isn’t news is it?

Al-BBC blames the increases on the rail companies and the fact that the increases are tagged to the Consumer Prices Index or is it the Retail Prices Index? Well, one or the other anyway. And they’re bleating that it’s linked to the wrong one.

What the lefties at the Beeb seem to be conveniently ignoring is that the drivers and staff wages are also linked to the same index. So if you are forced to pay your useless good for nothing staff – like the unnecessary guards – loads of extra dosh, then you have to put your prices up to cover the wage bill. Simples, in’it?

The real cunts here are the unions. They bleat about how the increases are hitting the poor old ordinary working man whilst paying drivers the sort of wages that most of us can only dream about. For example, a tube train driver in London can earn £100,000 a year.

Why the fuck did I bother to work my arse off for professional qualifications? Should have been a train driver. I’d have got free rail travel then too…

Nominated by Dioclese