Monthly Archives: May 2017

BBQ

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I’d like to nominate barbecues for a cunting.

Anyone that barbecues deserves all they get. Barbeques….smelly fucking things stinking out everything around them for a couple of hundred yards.

Oh let’s have a barbecue on the decking luv and invite all our BMW X5 driving chav mates round to keep the neighbours awake until four in the morning” Cunts.

Barbecued food is awful, undercooked or overcooked and all tastes the same. Burnt.

What do these cunts think an oven, grill, toaster, hob, microwave etc are for? Cunts.

Nominated by Ian Appropriate

Migrant violin players

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Migrant violin players are cunts…

Went on a job to Bury the other day: and there’s this dirty looking foreign cunt ‘playing the violin… Was in Manchester yesterday, and I saw three (fucking three!) more of these gyppo fiddler cunts in different parts of the city… Is their some sort of laboratory that’s cloning these bastards?…. They are all the same…. All fat, smelly dirty, greasy gyppo cunts… All ‘no speaky Engleesh’….

All have a ridiculously loud ‘backing track’ (ie: a Mantovani CD) that they ‘play along’ and/or mime to…. All ‘play’ the same tunes (‘My Way’ Strangers In The Night), isn’t it amazing how they all ‘sound’ identical?…. And all are irritating, noisy, benefits fiddling, begging w@g cunts….

Nominated by Norman

Dead Pool [57]

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Well done to Norman who correctly predicted that Catweazle actor and Jeremy Corbyn lookalike Geoffrey Bayldon would be the next celeb to conk out.Bayldon was 93 and had a long and varied career but will always be best remembered as Catweazle.

So the slate is wiped clean and nominations are now open for Dead Pool 57.

Here are the rules (pay special attention to the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices. List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a really annoying cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the previous pool (like Black and White Cunt frequently does).

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Nominations are now open on this post only. Good luck.

Shaun`s Nominations
-Bill Wyman
-Freddie Starr
-Johnny Hallyday
-Terry Jones
-Leah Bracknell

SMAM

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Here’s a cunt who emerges every summer….the SMAM (Sunday Morning Action Man).

This wanker gets up at the crack of dawn….let’s DO something in the garden, it’s such a beautiful day. Out comes the fucking noisy lawnmower for the 14th time this month.. Follow that with the fucking strimmer and its high pitched whining. Let’s have a loud conversation with the other SMAM cunt 4 doors down…….”Beautiful morning isn’t it? I’m getting the power saw out in a minute to cut up some fucking wood for no fucking particular reason at all..”

After that there’s silence for about half an hour as SMAM stuffs his fat smug face. Then it’s out with the power sander followed by about 2 fucking hours of randomly hammering nails into wood.

Is there any thought for poor old Freddie trying to sleep off his Saturday night excesses? NO….fuck that cunt. And don’t get me started on fucking barbecues. Listen SMAM you fucking noisy cunt……..shut the fuck up you BASTARD!

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

Gary Lineker (6)

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Gary Lineker is a monumental cunt…
He said this about the French Presidential Elections: ‘Huge disappointment, resentment and bitterness amongst some of UK’s fascists this morning. She lost (comfortably). Get over it.’

But when somebody replied to him, ‘So, why can’t you get over Brexit?’ Fanny Lineker responded, ‘Missing such an obvious joke is a blocking offence i’m afraid.’

This snotty cunt can’t even answer a civil question and ‘blocks’ anyone who disagrees with him?… And the smear of shite has the audacity to talk about fascists?!?…. Hope he falls off a fucking big cliff…

Nominated by Norman

I can’t abide that rectum of rectitude, Lineker.

A pious, jug-eared wankspangle sums him up nicely.

His only and modest talent lies with advertising crisps.

No wonder his Mrs ferked off. He was probably up in his private study, spanking himself over the Brexit referendum every night. Leaving her to play solo gusset typing.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

Hell will freeze over before another Walker’s crisp passes between my lips. I might write to them and tell them that…..but I will relent if they sack the bastard. Does anyone know where I can buy “fascist” crisps?

Nominated by Freddie the Frog