Monthly Archives: June 2015

The Queen

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I’d like to cunt The Queen.

She had all those cunts under one roof, she’s probably not got long left, so what a perfect opportunity to discard Chicken Dave’s manifesto and veer dramatically off course. If only she’d said “You know what? I’m fucking sick to death of all you cunts. Tories are heartless, lying, scaremongering cunts, Labour are a total fucking shambles like a sack full of drowning puppies, LibDem cunts have been pretty much wiped out and rightly so, Greens fuck off and suck Russell Brand’s cock, SNP biggest cunts on the planet, I fucking despise the lot of you. This speech is a fucking waste of time, I’m off home to watch Dickinson’s Real Deal…”

What a classic Queen’s Speech that would have been – but, of course, Betty Windsor bottled it. Fucking cunt.

Nominated by : Fred West

John Carver

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Ferguson may be an insufferable cunt, but for sheer arrogance and stupidity,Newcastle manager John Carver has risen to heights of cuntitude never before imagined and thus, I offer him up for a first time cunting.

For sheer crassness in referring to the victims of flight MH17 – Carver says the pair were ‘looking down’ on the Magpies this afternoon, as they secured their Premier League status for another year.

On his managerial skills:
“No, I don’t regret it because I’m the best golfer and the best cricketer in the world as well”

Newcastle might have evaded relegation, but that is no thanks to your managerial skills, or that of Ashley, you fat useless cunt.

Nominated by: Lez

Sexual equality at the BBC

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The BBC, and specifically their policy of having at least one woman on every panel show is a cunt.

I’m basing this on Have I Got News For You, as Mock The Week became unwatchable since Frankie Boyle left. Every week, we have to put up with some simpering unfunny cunt in the interests of “balance”. When “professional comedian” Josie Long (a cunt of astonishing cuntness) is effortlessly out-funnied by Jacob Rees-Mogg (an MP), you’d think someone would have thought “hold on, this policy is crap”. Sadly not. The guardian-worshiping cunts.

Nominated by : Guardian Hater

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Cunts on bikes

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If it’s not bad enough having cunts with footballs, now we have cunts on bikes. Literally.

Today we are blessed with the Women’s Tour fucking up our town. It was a pain on the arse last year, and it’s going to be a pain in the arse again this year. Mind you, I might be persuaded to take a gander if they were more like the picture rather than a load of over muscled sporty tarts in lycra. Lycra. On bikes. Never a good look when the bird in question has legs like a weightlifter.

Thankfully I’m on holiday so I’ll miss the whole shooting match. Excellent. Must make a note to go away the same time next year as well!

Nominate by: Dioclese

Take us with you, Scotland

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The masses of Twitter fucktards who are using the hashtag ‘Take us with you, Scotland!’ are Judas cunts of the highest order.

Tory government or not, those SNP pigs would never, ever get my vote or support. Any twat form the north of England who has been involved in any tweeted SNP wanking should be put on a ship: it should then be taken into the middle of the Atlantic, and then one our submarines should fucking sink it…

Nominated by : Norman

( errr… aren’t all our submarines based in Scotland? Just askin’ like! )