Christmas adverts on TV. Simply cannot cope with them. Non stop.
The usual suspects.
Shit plastic toys, all from as little as £59.99 (batteries not included). In order to appeal to everyone, the kids in the adverts must include a white, black and Asian model. No peacefuls yet but only a matter of time.
French nonsense perfumes/aftershave ads (all with accompanying stupid French accent and models depicting the perception of the high life).
Budget sofas (what is it obout the obsession with cheap fucking sofas and bank holidays), if you order now delivery guaranteed before Christmas, plus interest free credit and nothing to pay for 6 months.
Supermarket adverts with everyone grinning like imbeciles and wearing stupid hats.
Argos shitfest (whoever buys any of their stuff in Argos)?
Cadbury’s (total cunts for completely destroying many years of UK chocolate tradition and turning it into “new improved recipe” US fun sized different shaped crap but at same price) Milk Tray
The “highlight” being the rather predictable pathetic overhyped and usually disappointing John Lewis Christmas offering.
Have probably missed a few these are the ones that piss me off the most.
Have never understood why advertisers feel that any adverts on tv at Christmas (or any other time come to think of it) seriously influence the watching audience, Can honestly say than in my 58 years on this planet I have never once been tempted to purchase any products advertised on the tv. Figures will probably prove me wrong and that many gullible twats who are taken in by commercial will think of nothing better than to buy loads of stuff on credit that they do not need. I feel Christmas adverts as nothing more than a major irritant and deserve to be cunted.
Nominated by Willie Stroker
What about that fucking Park advert, eh? Save now for Christmas 2018. 2018 FFS! It’s November 2017 and we haven’t even had this years retail fest yet.
Park are cunts. And don’t get me started on fucking Black Friday.
‘Black Friday’? Isn’t that racist?
Nominated by Dioclese
I know this comes up every year but for fucks sake. Christmas adverts, There has been a definate upping of the pace this week and it’s only fucking early November just fuck off with your cliche’d ‘perfect Christmas’. It just can’t live up to the hype, it’s bound to be an anti-climax especially after they’ve been banging on about it for nearly 2 fuckin munfs. Do something useful in Parliament, Introduce a new law , no Christmas adverts before December 1st
Nominated by Richard1
The advert that troubles me the most just now is the one with the psychotic looking woman trying to sell me specs for 6 quid a pair .. she scares me
3
Hey Stroker – good cunting. Like you and many on here I’m sure, I’m not aware of being directly influenced to buy anything I see advertised on TV. Adverts are generally just annoying. I rarely watch live TV so I can skip over the ad breaks while watching the DVR recording.
Don’t know if this one has reached the shores of Blighty yet, but I caught an ad break a few weeks back where they repeated the SAME ad back-to-back 3 times. Count ’em. THREE!!! I don’t understand the logic of that. Ads are annoying. Being subjected to the same ad twice in quick succession is infuriating, but 3 times? That makes me hate that company and their product to the extent of either a ) wishing death and destruction on anything and anyone connected to the fucking company and/or b ) going out of my way to buy a competitor’s product out of spite (assuming I needed/wanted it).
Almost as infuriating is the ad break where the same advert is shown every time for hours on end. I realise most of the cunts out there are fucking sheep with their stupid iphones, daily trips to Starfucks to buy that radioactive sludge they laughingly refer to as coffee, but surely even these cunts must get slightly irked at the repetition? Are people really that stupid? I think I’ve answered my own question. Cunts.
5
I think I’m an ad agency nightmare. I sub consciously just tune adverts out. I have sky news and LBC on quite a lot and could not tell you one advert that’s on. It’s not something I worked on, just happenned. Back in the 80s subliminal advertising was all the rage, along with backward masking but you don’t hear of it anymore.
3
Excellent cunting – I’d also like to cunt the new trend of getting some snowflakey over priveleged young female cunt to sing a classic rock song (in a whiney hoarse cunty voice) as the background music.
13
The biggest cunts are Harveys and DFS who are so fucking penny pinching they use out of copyright music so they don’t have to pay for it. They always have a bleeding sale on 52 weeks of the year and it’s always going to end on Tuesday at 8 p.m.
It could be worse though, that old has-been cunt Myleene Klass hasn’t yet got her jugs out on an advert but Iceland are so downmarket and desperate (they have to be to employ that old whore with no knickers Kerry Katona) she will probably be along to rub her nipples over the meat fridge
The bank who uses a whisting cunt needs a good cunting as well
4
All adverts that feature cunts whistling on them deserve a white hot poker up the arse for all eternity! Especially the current one on LBC – like C n’ R I’ve managed to tune out the content – but the whistling never fails to bring me to NOW! They’re nothing less than aural terrorism.
5
Proud to say I’ve never set foot in Iceland. I think it was Kerry Katona advertising their (her) ‘prawn ring’ that did it for me. Mmmm….
4
That second sentence was wrong on so many levels…… must have been one manky, used, moldy, discoloured prawn ring.
3
Probably rather like a chewy bit of octopus(sy)
2
Had an evil thought. It’s not entirely inconceivable that Harry and Meghan have a black baby. That would be so funny.
8
With ginger hair would be funnier
6
I think that little fucker would be swapped out at birth ….
5
I hear Robinsons are bringing out a new product to celebrate – it’s a ginger preserve and, like in olden times, there’ll be a golly on the label.
10
Be funnier if Wills slipped her one….
6
Black ginger AND bald!
That’ll look good on the postage stamps…
7
its the ‘ mens fragrance ‘ ads that boil my piss. fuckin hell ! they show some sort of weird fantasy land that only exists in the minds of dumb fuckin morons who work in ad agencies . and what the fuck is jonny depp doing plugging smellies? maybe he donated his fee to charity? a good rule of thumb is never buy anything you see advertised on TV.
9
And that David Gandi is a cunt….
4
Saw one from Morrison’s for mulled apple cider .. why don’t they just say cider ? Trying to push for the healthy aspect of Apple’s . . They say a apple a day keeps the doctor away .. wish my grandfather listened to those words .. his doctor was Harold shipman
6
Robert De Niro to is play the leading role in a biopic of Shipmans’ life entitled ‘ The Old Dear Hunter’….
11
It’s not widely known but Shipman was diagnosed with Wayne Rooney syndrome, symptoms include trying to fuck your Gran…
7
At least Shipman shut them up before they ran to the newspapers unlike Rooney’s GIWF.
3
Can we also cunt the Christmas music too? Seriously, I stated hearing them nearly two weeks ago and I was thinking ”In mid-November?! It’s far too early for this!”
For the next month, radio will be intolerable? Just how many times can you hear the same old stuff like Band Aid (does F.A) every fucking year?
6
At least Noddy Holder will be rubbing his hands together as the rest of the country goes collectively insane, Doesn’t he earn a ridiculous amount through royalties? Enough to keep his mutton chops under control.
2
And Roy Wood… It really is Christmas every day for him… Bet he’s raked in a fortune from that song…
3
That song’s on telly again, The Little Drummer Boy. God I hate that. If my gun hadn’t been deactivated, and I met the cunt who wrote it, I’d shoot him in the fucking face.
3
I’m dreaming of a shite Christmas…
4
The next biggest kicker is that as soon as it’s the 27th December Easter eggs stuff will be for sale. I kid you not.
5
Sadly, all too true.
Mind you, if it confuses the peaceful people…
1
It should be illegal to sell, broadcast, play or write anything Christmas until December 1st. It would keep it all in proportion. Everyone could enjoy the run up. As it stands stuff starts happening October and by the time December 25 comes around, youre just so fucking sick of it all.
8
Or some stuff starts even in September…..
Anyone else think that it’s far too early to be hearing any Christmas songs on radio?
5
There’s NEVER a good time to hear fucking Christmas songs.
3
It’s got to the point that I can’t physically bear to hear any of the damn songs…..
1
The other half and I stayed in a hotel in Banbury on October 8th,when we checked out in the morning some cunt had put a massive Santa on a fucking sleigh in the lobby,loaded with fake presents,it must have been 12 feet long. The other half went apeshit at the sight of this festive eyesore and ranted for a full 20 minutes at the reception staff. They gave us some money off,probably in desperation to get him out of the door. He was still shouting half a mile away “it’s too early for all that fucking shit”etc I laughed my arse off!
3
Hello Mary Hinge, I recall you saying your from Bristol? Bristol born and bred myself.
1
Thats right B&W, have lived in Bristol all my life,these days just off of the Gloucester Road which as you will know is a magnet for every kind of middle class rainbow clad fuckwit for miles around on a Saturday morning. The cunts.
1
Used to hang around Gloucester Road when I was younger. Full of eco, fair trade cunts and their shops now. Nice bakery still by the prison. I’m from around Easton/Lawrence Hill area originally but have in lived in London for 17 odd years.
0
According to television advertising land we all live in ethnically-diverse, pan-sexual havens of acceptance. Well, I fucking well don’t. The only advert that would interest me would be one offering healthy discounts on weapons of mass destruction…I’d like one of them.
7
Its a Mr Jong il on the phone DF, ” I got big woket, bwand new, you order now fow Cwistmas”.
6
Hey cunters I see a fellow Black and White cunt is getting in the Royal family, when I meet Harry (the next Grandmaster) in lodge one day I’ll have a word and the Black and White cunts will be taking over.
3
Keep away from the darkies… Unless it’s me.
4
Id pay to be a fly on the wall if Prince Philip ever gets to meet their future kids…Be like the scene from Leathal Weapon 2,
B..B..B..But you black!
5
Their children will be white looking, the ginger gene is strong and her being half white already will make the children look mostly white.
3
Yes, this could be the start of something. Remember the film ‘True Romance’? Dennis Hopper’s saying “……..and the Moors were niggers. They did so much fucking with Sicilian women……..”
Don’t see that it matters much. Germans. Greeks. African Americans. Like someone said in the film ‘Bulworth’, “……….If we al fuck each other we’ll all end up the same colour.”
4
Exactly right Allan, having a laugh that’s all.
2
And all the celebricunt and slapper ‘fragrances’… Maybe they’ll be some new ones this year?
Kunty Perry’s ‘Brainless’
‘Cuntimately’ David Beckham
Madogga’s ‘Eau de Mackerel’
Lily Mong ‘Spastique’
Jennifer Lawrence wears ‘Tramp’
Ladyboy Gaga Aftershave Set
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Perfume (straight from her arse)
7
Madogga’s ‘Eau de Mackerel’,
Classic, love it Norman.
4
Madogga’s ‘Eau de Mackerel’…… all she would have to do is open her legs to unleash that…….. fragrance…
Now excuse me while I go throw up.
5
She probably squirts like a fucking flit gun…
3
I know it’s not a Christmas advert but I still can’t get over LLoyds Bank using cancer and other serious illness as a reason to bank with them in their tv advertising.
Disgraceful.
8
Makes a change from that black horse though… Mind you, it’s been away: playing Bill the PC box ticking lezza in Doctor Who…
2
Not a Christmas treat, but a real piss boiler, is fucking plus net. That fat smug wanker really brings out the nasty in me. I’ll do you proud, ya cunt……
3
Black baby with ginger hair
Dont laugh it can happen
Loads in Holland with the surname of
” Makay”
Rogue scottish clan
Look it up folks if you dont believe moi !!!!
2
I recorded a pleasant Xmas answerphone message a few years back – thought I’d share it with my fellow cunts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6cw2aSN3Ng
4
10/10. Superb. More!
1
TV in bin, adblocker and script blocker enabled on PC, subtly modded patio heater above front door for carollers. I’m sorted. Apart from the maniacunt over the road with illuminated flashing plastic Santa and eye-fucking twinkly lights completely covering his house and front garden. Dear Santa. Please send me a RPG.
1