Not so much a cunting as a conundrum.

Amongst the avalanche of shite that is downloaded onto my PC, this headline piqued my interest:-

”Bargain Hunt fans livid as team ‘that should’ve been disqualified’ make show history after breaking rules”

I have never seen the show. I assumed it was the one with that orange cunt Dickinson, but apparently not. Anyway, a couple seem to have won the show despite breaking the rules. I have looked at the write up and can’t for the life of me understand why this should be.
Perhaps the more erudite cunters amongst us can explain?

The Sun News Link

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Sergey Lavrov, Foreign Minister of Russia.

Officially this goblin faced prick is Foreign Minister of Russia but in reality his job is a Kremlin mouthpiece to spread lies and misinformation about the Ukraine conflict and Russia’s war crimes.

Following the discovery of mass graves with evidence of torture and summary executions of civilians in Bucha and surrounding towns outside of Kiev, he said the “attacks were staged by Ukraine and the West” even suggesting the dead bodies were actors who were bussed in and the whole thing was a conspiracy to undermine Russia. I bet he had the same line of bullshit when Russia was flattening cities in Syria and Chechnya too.

https://www.telesurenglish.net/news/The-Bucha-Images-Are-a-Staging-Russian-Foreign-Minister-Holds-20220406-0009.html

Funny how this not so super superpower is always the victim?

I don’t think for a minute that Lavrov or the rest of Putin’s cronies in the Kremlin will face justice but being handed over the Ukraine military or fucked off to some penal colony where he can complain about his tiny fake cell and the prison guards who are actors inside the fake prison that doesn’t exist to nobody.

To paraphrase the great Winston Churchill, “Russia is riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a giant bullshit sandwich”.

Nominated by: Liberal Liquidator

Being punished for criticising fictional characters is a cunt, isn’t it.

A man in Nigeria has been given 24 years in prison. What was his offence?:

1.) Raping then murdering a child;
2.) Stabbing several people then driving a car into a crowd, killing two; or
3.) Posting criticism of Islam on a Facebook page.

Mubarak Bala has been imprisoned after being formally charged with 10 counts of causing a public disturbance because those Facebook posts were deemed “blasphemous”.

24 years for a victimless crime.

Blasphemy laws are a public admission that a religion’s ideas cannot stand on their own merits but are weak and decrepit. It seems they must be coddled and protected against any question by threats of fines, imprisonment, beatings or death.

There are backward countries in the world. We can’t call these places that are full of misogyny, bigotry, religious zealotry, fasting, intolerance, Sharia Law, and ignorant superstitions anything other than shit-holes.

Allah, like God, Voldemort, Buddha, Darth Vader, the White Witch Queen of Narnia, the Big Bad Wolf, Ming the Merciless, darleks, the Wicked Witch of the West, Watership Down’s General Woundwort, the StayPuft Marshmellow Man, and the characters in Rentaghost,
…doesn’t fucking exist.

The Guardian Link

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

Caitlin Jones is a cunt.

I’m sure, by now, most cunters must think I’m obsessed with anything Greggs. You may be correct, however, there’s plenty of material out there, so I’m not looking very hard.
Caitlin, a 22 year old mum, decided during lockdown ( it’s always the case) to have the Greggs logo tattooed on her arse cheek.

Apparently, she was sooooo gutted that the fine dining outlet had shut up shop for the duration, a tattoo would somehow fill the huge void of not being able to get a sausage roll.

The funniest thing about this is the their tag line” always fresh, always tasty”. I will warn the ISAC horn section in advance, she has a rather lovely set of bangers, a nice arse, but alas, a proper cunt.

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/fabulous/8673914/caitlin-jones-greggs-tattoo-bum-scotland-paisley/amp/

Nominated by: Cuntington Smythe

Being denied the chance to pitch my “Celebrity Voodoo Dolls” on Dragon’s Den is a Cunt.

I have been obsessionally working for minutes on an idea that I’m sure will benefit the mental well-being of the nation and earn me a modest fortune….it is,like so many brilliant ideas, actually rather simple.I take an old sock,shit in it,tie it up and stick a “celebrity” face on it…I then douse it in petrol and set it alight….at the moment the remains of my Beckham family shite-bags are smouldering gently on the lawn and you can’t imagine the pleasure I got from watching the whole revolting clan burst into flames.
I feel sure that my invention will be as popular as the printing-press or electricity…who in their right mind would turn down the chance to take out all their frustrations at the absurdity of modern life by tormenting a “celebrity”? and when my Royal Family range of dung-dolls hits the shelf….well,I’m sure you agree,the sky’s the limit.

BBC told me to “Fuck Off”…probably because I’m not a sooty tranny in a cripple chariot…I’ll give Richard Branson a call…he can always recognise a good business opportunity and I’ve actually got a Branson shit-doll already prepared so the video that I’ll pitch to him of me giggling like a Prince Andrew victim as I set fire to a truly lifelike representation of his Good Self should go down a storm.

Brace yourself for my appearance on Loose Women.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler