The following are insincere phrases that are either spoken, written down or presented on media displays and are all too commonly seen these days. All of them, to quote Peter Griffin from Family Guy, really grind my gears:

CLAIM #1: “We value your privacy”

No you don’t. If my privacy meant as much as you claim, you wouldn’t be trying to steal my personal details or my web browsing history etc. so fuck right off. Plus in the case of web browsing you only ask now anyway because you have been forced to by law – before that you just helped yourselves.

CLAIM #2: “We apologise for the wait/inconvenience”

Nope. If you cared for customer convenience or time spent on a call, you would increase the amount of telephone operators so that we are not forced to wait in an excessively long queue, only to have our call dropped right before we reach a human being. Making the call centre/staff based in the country/region of the caller’s origin helps a lot with awkward-to-understand accents too.

CLAIM #3: “Your call is important to us”

You may think twice about making that spurious claim when I eventually do talk to a human being and complain about how shit you are as a business/service/bank. If my tirade of expletives is being “recorded for training purposes” then all the better!

Those are the main three which I can think of right now, but I am sure there are many that are equally annoying that I have missed on this list. I am looking forward to seeing what you lovely fellow cunters can come up with.

I turned 50 years old two weeks ago and I have noticed that my patience for corporate bullshit and unnecessary bureaucracy is eroding for each year that I get older.

Nominated by: The Wizard’s Sleeve

Your chips just got more expensive!
Quick, those of you with freezer space, rush out immediately to buy frozen chips!
You don’t have to worry about the scarcity of hash browns, for example, because they are apparently not affected by a poor potato harvest, presumably because they are made of onions and recycled egg cartons!

BBC News Link

Anyway, I thought that those amongst us, who have a bunker full of Fray Bentos pies, should be warned that there might be NO CHIPS!!
The horror, the humanity!

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

One of the very few events left untouched by wokeism was this one. It’s one of the very few events left that I could watch as a form of escapism.

I don’t care if the dark keys win most events. I’m comfortable that there are differences between the races, I just like watching the fastest and strongest competing against each other.

It seems this event has had its day too. At least the coverage has.

The BBC coverage was naff on day 1 (where we’re up to at the time of writing) and it was an all dark key/gay/wimmins panel. The main presenter (a fat dark key ‘innit’ woman) was not the best of presenters. Indeed, I think Joey Deacon uttered more coherent sentences on the BBC than she ever has.

Obvious gay, (he ‘came out’ recently – about as convincing a straight bloke as Liberace) Colin Jackson was there with his gay voice. Jessica Ennis (yes, every which way and thrice on Sundays) was the other diverse panel member.

At least they’re all former athletes I suppose. They know their onions. It was just the presenter who was naff (I think she too was an athlete, albeit not as well known or successful as Ennis and Jackson).

And no honkies? Bit racist, innit?

Therefore, I switched over to the live coverage via the IAAF on YouTube. Two commentators. Both wimmins.

So far, we’ve had great insights such as ‘That was a good jump.’ and ‘A season’s best. He’ll be happy with that.’ One of them has been rattling on about how great the diversity is in the hammer throw just now.

I just love those inane, shrieking voices when I’m watching sport.

Fuck off.

Wiki News Link

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

This looks like a Titania McGrath pisstake, but the keyboard halfwits of twatter are actually debating this:-

”Twitter may have reached its inevitable, ultimate and final form with a debate over whether or not Anne Frank benefited from white privilege.”

Yes, an unfortunate 15 year old Jewish girl, murdered along with her family by Nazi scum may have benefitted from ‘white privilege.’

I don’t know whether this is the Left’s instinctive anti-Semitism or just it disappearing up it’s own arsehole but there are cunts out there pushing this bollocks.

As some cunt or other may say – you couldn’t make it up.

MSN News Link

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(Out of the many many nominations I have processed over the years, this submission really is one of the most distressing/incredulous! – Day Admin)

A mammoth cunting for this bargain basement whore, who, when she is not touting her working class origins, is a serial shit stirrer and trouble maker. It seems she is also a bit of a Karen when it comes to retail therapy.

The old slapper attempted to buy some very expensive “Star War” shoes, but was left frustrated (as I am sure she is – frequently), so she wrote to complain to the independent Brighton store to complain – on House of Commons notepaper, which is against the rules, but we all know the old cunt thinks rules are for other people:

How can even the most delusional, senile old fool (yes I’m looking at you, Starmer) think that her behaviour is anything less than self-serving, and high handed.

Perhaps it is time they tried to stop selling their “integrity” with a cheap slapper like that woman and a serial liar in Dame Kweer (“dad was a toolmaker…who worked 13 hours a day”).:

Express News Link

While we are at it, one of Blair’s pals, Bernie Ecclestone faces ten years inside (if he lives that long) for fraud. Lovely friends they have.

Nominated by: W.C.Boggs