Corona virus crafting.
To give you an idea what this is, this where you pick up your old shit and make something out of it, its that WWII spirit you keep hearing about.
Sister in law dropped off a very tasteful camouflage face mask for me, I didn’t want to break her heart and tell her I had a proper Bio hazard full face one.
Any way I have been crafting, doing all the little odd jobs round the house in the garden whit bits of shit from the shed, I made a bird feeding station from the old dog 3 bowl feeder, fitted locks to gates, re jigged various things with existing shit.
Mrs B has bigged me up with her sisters and sent glowing reports to them on my crafting abilities.
To the extent that I have received order for a bird house and a picture stand…..
No Idea what I am going to make these things from but if that is the way forward I will make a cold frame for the MRS, good bye dinning table and shower door but I am sure she will be happy.

Nominated by lord benny

“R”

Yes, I’d like to cunt a single letter, possibly for the first time that a single letter has been cunted on IsAC.
Yeh, yeh, yeh, we’ve all grasped what it means, as MSM has been continually ramming home the message, particularly in the evening on the Coronavirus updates.
It is the rate of the spread of the virus – 1 meaning that every carrier is spreading it to one other person, 2 meaning that each carrier is spreading to two others etc.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s a pretty easy concept to grasp.
What is pathetic, however, is that not one question from useless journalists has asked “ We know that you say “R” is 0.9 but how are you actually measuring it on the ground?
I’ll bet there’s not one single ‘expert’ and certainly not a politician who could give a good answer to this. The only way you could do this is to actually be carrying out extensive testing and tracing at the time and this country is certainly not doing either. And yet this magical figure will be driving our future strategy in the future. What a fuckin’ debacle this whole thing has become.
Fuck you ‘R’

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt

I would like to cunt out of control kids, i know its Corona virus conditions and kids get bored, but my neighbors kids really are cunts kid 1 isnt playing with a full deck, he has screaming fits and smashes up the house, calls his parents names and has to have a trampoline to burn off energy, why this pisses me off, all you hear is banging on the walls if your inside and when your watching telly you can see the little cunt out of the corner of your eye bouncing up and down on his trampoline non stop, to add insult to injery the have dyed the top of the fuckers hair so now he looks like a fucking Duracell battery and goes nine times longer than normal kids, if it wasnt for the snowflake mum i reckon the dad would have rung his fucking neck by now i know i would have, kid 2 has the most high pitch annoying voice you have ever heard its like finger nails on a blackboard to me, on top of that its a constant case of chucking footballs,frizbies,flip flops and various othe crap back over the fence, and then banging my car with bikes….for any fucker thinking of having kids need to watch mad Pablo and high pitch Pedro for half an hour and you will soon be reaching for the condoms…..

Nominated by Fuglyucker

Liverpool’s Mayor
I had a bet with myself about the first city to use the virus to demand extra money . Liverpool was my choice and I won! Joe Anderson (the mayor who could be mistaken for a Big Issue seller) says that the £44,000,000 they have been promised is not enough; another £34,000,000 is needed. That is as maybe; stop being a victim, think about what your city can do for the rest of us.

Nominated by Guzziguy

ALAN HARPER:

Oh dear…. a more in sorrow than in anger cunting please for Mr Harper who has reached the age of 76 still believing that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Ageing would-be-next press sensation Mr. H is walking round his garden……. Captain Tom (Happy 100th birthday by the way)… a Poundland imitation of the Captain. A charity single with fellow OAP Madonna….Read it yourselves, I haven’t the heart or stomach to go on with this. Fuck off……

Granddad is raising money for charity by walking around his garden dressed as a gnome

Nominated by W. C. Boggs