Or more specifically poached eggs on crushed fucking avocado on toast.

About a year ago when this middle class idea came to my attention on one of those cooking programs that seem to be on every fucking channel my missus said “ooh that would be nice for breakfast” and being that sensitive type with a streak of cuntishness I thought as a surprise I would cook said breakfast as a Sunday surprise.

Whattamistakatomake!

I have tried the dedicated water pan thingy where you butter the receptacles before immersing half way up in water. SHIT.

The microwave method where a medium size egg in a plastic thingy this time cooked on high for 32 seconds (what the fuck 32secs!?!). SHIT.

Putting the fucking egg in some clingfilm ( literally don’t fucking bother with that one I knew that was doomed from the start) it just stuck to the cling film and went from boiling water to bin. SHIT.

And now to the last way for which I have had 3 successful poached eggs. I might it may sound impressive but that’s 3 in about 35 eggs. Boil a big pan of water add salt add wine vinegar strain an egg (FFS!!) make a vortex, drop egg in middle of spinning boiling water, making sure you don’t spin it too much then the water spills over and turns the induction hob off mid way, CUNT, and then after plopping the unfertilised chicken slowly into the swirling vortex of boiling water watch it disintegrate into a hundred bits of white and yellow.

I repeated this one 5 fucking times at which point after running out of Eggs and burning the toast I went and stood in my quiet place for the next move. Either admit defeat or kill every fucking chicken in the world so no cunt ever tries it again.

I’m up to 3.5 million Chickens ??‍♂️??

Be warned fellow cunters. The eggs are cunts.

Nominated by: Once a cunt always a cunt

A gargantuan 30-feet constrictive cunting please for exotic pet owners. I’ll endeavour to keep this short and sweet . . .

Who the fuck do these people think they are, keeping all manner of ugly, dangerous fucking animals in captivity in their own shitehole abodes?!!! I’ve seen some programmes on the idiot’s lantern featuring said pet owners, and they all had one thing in common: cuntitude.

In addition, their dwellings in which said animals were ensconced were fucking dirty hovels (no doubt they’d be dirty hovels without the pets) and came across as entities with barely double digit IQs.

I suppose these bottom feeders think they are being cool, or hope by keeping these awful, ugly things in their houses that it gives them a higher social status or something? Who the fuck knows! However, all it does is reinforce people’s opinions that they are even bigger cunts than they thought possible.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, how empty and desperate do you have to be to feel compelled to actually go out and buy one of these pets?! There are even certain individuals (here in the U.K.) who obtain special licences for animals such as boa constrictors, jaguars and alligators, for example — which I’m led to believe is very expensive and very time-consuming . . . and, unbeknownst to them, very fucking stupid and very fucking sad!

Who the fuck needs special pets, especially dangerous ones!!? Stupid, sad attention-seeking cunts. Fuck off!

Nominated by: Fanny Batter 

A nomination for Incest/’stepmommy’ porn.

Ii see a lot of it floating around on zpornhub. I often wondered why it’s popular but I have formulated a theory on it.

Divorce rates are high across the western world, and many tenagers are now living with mum in the week and dad at the weekend. Lads are also staying in more (even before lockdown) playing with their gadgets and not out meeting girls. Teenagers nowadays are delaying all of the social milestones we were hitting in our mid teens into their early twenties, or not at all (for more on this look up Jonathan Haidt. This has already happened in Japan and they are now seeing birthrates plummet.
Aside from school and the damaged delayed teenage girls, the archetypal young stepmum is the only woman they know who is sexually attractive and can talk to them without too much awkwardness

I find this trend fucking sad, fantasing over your old man’s sloppy seconds. Get out there and finger your mate’s sister in a shed or closet.

The state of young men today.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime 

 

Specifically white police officers and community members washing the feet of black co/pastors Faith Wokoma and her husband Sobama.
As a sign of humility and love apparently.
Yes, right!
As a sign that cunts gotta cunt, more like.
Imagine if the roles were reversed (as if)-the outcry would be deafening.
This cuntishness needs to end.

Nominated by Cuntfinder General

I would like to nominate Master Chef for a proper cunting.

Is it another pointless pile of reality shite and presented by the Bungle and Zippy cunts of modern times. The normal version of this show is annoying enough with cooking made out to be the toughest thing in the world.

Whilst flicking through channels last night I happened across the new “celebrity master chef” which puts the previously mentioned show into the local league of cuntishness.

Still presented by the same two wide mouth frogs and showcasing an array of diversity in yet another wokefest at peak viewing time. White man cant cook!

Nominated by: Horatio Cuntblower