Shiftwork is a cunt.

A cunting for the disrespectful neighbourhood, that won’t let me get my ‘quality sleep,’ during the daylight hours. More sun means more noise!

So, some forms of D.I.Y. will be going on. With a selection of cunts (The gifted and the not so) either drilling, hammering, grinding or sawing. Others will be out, mowing the grass, cutting the hedge, strimming the borders, or chain sawing through long lengths of timber, ready for the winter burn.

Wimminz will be gassing about the latest gossip, over garden boundaries. A low I.Q. cunt might be trying to have a conversation with some div, who’s about 20 yards down the road. An industrial size ghetto blaster will be in the mix somewhere, churning out shit, that I don’t want to hear.

Boy racers will be trying to do “doughnuts” in the tarmac, in underpowered cars. Ice cream vans driving around, making that same ‘Popeye Jingle,’ that they did 60+ years ag and I am certain, that one of them had a sign on the back that read “Mind that paedophile!” Instead of “Mind that child!”

Ah well! A sign of the times I guess. The now very much daily sound of 999 ambulances, with their sirens going. Perhaps for an emergency situation. Rescuing those poor dehydrated dinghy cunts, that have just arrived from Calais. Or maybe hurrying back to the depot, for an emergency brew.

Car horns blaring, as new party arrivals are dropped off. Dangerous looking dogs, barking, but for no apparent reason. A rather annoying low flying police helicopter, looking for some petty criminal. and the gas board might just think it’s a good time to dig up the road.

But bugger me! Come the weekend, if the sun is still shining, as well as all the excitement emulating out from the hot tubs, the temporarily assembled paddling pools and the hired bouncy castle, the barbecues will be commissioned!

With all the stuff that goes with it. Yes! Family fun for all! The decibel level from here on will only point skyward, as various forms of supermarket grub and grog inevitably get consumed.

It will around this point, when I will ask myself, now if I came home early at about 02:00 in the morning and made this much fucking racket, it wouldn’t go down too well, and as a result I would probably end up getting myself sectioned, under the mental elf act!

So if they could all just shut the fuck up,and just let me get my well needed beauty sleep, that would be just wonderful! The noisy ignorant cunts!

Nominated by: Lord Scunthorpe

So who are these cunts who drive right up my chuff when I have the temerity to stick to the speed limit? After extensive research I’ve decided there are 5 categories.

SALES REP
Living in or aspiring to own a modern ‘Executive’ house, this cunt usually drives a company Duracell car as his employer falls for the ‘save the planet’ bullshit. They are always late for their next appointment, so they think by driving up my arse they’ll make up time. I’m not going to go any faster, so no you won’t, you thick cunt.

BOY RACER
Drives a red Ford Fiesta older than himself. Particularly dangerous when showing off to his girlfriend.

FUCK YOU SHOW OFF
Driver of a large, fast Kraut car or 4×4 status symbol, often with personalised number plate. The car says ‘I’m richer and more important than you so get out of my fucking way’.

No Fuck You Show Offs own the vehicle they’re driving, they’re all on the never never.

F1 WANNABEE
Easily spotted as he holds the top of the steering wheel with the right hand. Is the left hand in contact with the steering wheel? Probably not. A middle aged prick who never misses an episode of Top Gear and thinks Jeremy Clarkson should be PM.

WHITE VAN MAN
Last but not least, the doyen of tailgaters. As well as driving 6 inches from my rear bumper at 50mph, this cunt can multitask by texting, drinking a can of coke and reading his delivery schedule all at once.

Maybe some of my fellow cunters fall into one of these categories. Sorry to sound offensive, but if you do then GET OFF MY ARSE, YOU CUNT.

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

Now I may be accused of being cynical but I’m just wondering if Mo is trying to head something off by announcing that he was trafficked to the UK as a kid.

Apparently Mo is not his real name and the woman he came here with is not his mother . He hasn’t seen his family since then.

This all may well be true. However, Mo is a cheeky little tinker and despite being an also ran in his event until he was by its standards, an OAP and overwhelmingly statistically unlikely to improve, managed to become literally unbeatable for about a decade.

All of this happened at the same time as going to train with a coach known to dope athletes .

Mo is also deaf in that he doesn’t hear the doorbell when drug testers come and has a poor memory, conveniently forgetting about carnitine injections when asked and then remembering them about 10 minutes later.

Even the drug testers wrote on his file that he was “likely doping” but hey do the Mobot and everyone will like you.

You utterly fake cunt.

I’d imagine today’s attempt at a sob story is to stop Priti Patel sending him to Rwanda as part of her bid for the Tory leadership.

Perhaps Mo needs to answer this question?

What do people traffickers get out of trafficking an 8 year old on his own when said 8 year old is then not put to work etc etc

Seems a shit business model to me and I’d imagine chunks of the truth have been left out. Just another illegal, who should not really be here.

Cunt

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Cunt of the Litter

Lord Scunthorpe isn’t too pleased with Mo either…

Mo Farah, real name Hussein Abdi Kanin.

I always knew from the beginning that there was something dodgy about this cunt. With that set of Oral something luminescent teeth.

Trafficked her to work as a “servant,” he states. His dad died, but then he didn’t!? Now because he’s a ‘sir,’ & he’s a sports legend, he ain’t going to be deported.

He must have originally came over from “war torn Calais,” I guess, some years back. If that had been me, I would have kept quiet, & just ‘shut the fuck up!’

But not Mohammed Fuckwit! Another cunt to add to our “British Sports People,” because we obviously can’t make our own, any more.

Fuglyucker isn’t much of a fan either…

Daily Mail News Link

So welcome to our latest illegal immigrant Mo fucking Farrah, so this fucker has kept shtum all these years about being an illegal immigrant, he has benefitted from pretending to be British long enough to make a career out of running even managing to represent the UK and dodge allegedly allot the doping tests that should have been carried out on him.

So if he isn’t British does he give back the winnings and medals, does the UK get accused of cheating, can we just magic in an athlete from anywhere when we want to win, isn’t this lying Pepperammi looking mother fucker a Sir as well, does he give back the knighthood.

Anyone would think he, s been saving these nuggets of information so he can sell books about his struggles when he retires….. Oh well dip me in chocolate, he has retired and is about to release a book and hopefully make a few million out of that, is he then going to fuck off back to Isshittistan? , is he fuck, will he get deported? Will he fuck, will he pay back any money from false winnings? fuck no.

So welcome to our new lying, cheating cunt, whatever your real name is, you are just in time to run for priminister after the other lying, cheating cunt fucks off…..

With added support from Cuntfinder General

May I add this link, to Fuglyucker’s fine nomination:

Independent News Link

Farah-a cheat and a liar?

Why are we all expected to own a mobile phone these days? More and more companies are refusing to accept landline numbers when they take your details. The first time it happened to me was when I visited a coronavirus test centre. Their system couldn’t take my phone number because it wasn’t a mobile.

The latest company to do this is Ebay. I found I couldn’t sign in and had no idea why. After days of trying to talk to their ‘chat’ people and getting nowhere, I was eventually informed that members now needed to have a mobile number in order to receive texts about security alerts. What security alerts? I asked. And why couldn’t they send me an email? I didn’t get an answer.

I’ve been a member for eleven years and suddenly they cut me off without warning. I’m not going to go out and buy another phone just so that I can sell items on Ebay. I’ve had the same number for twenty years, and an answering machine, and I’ve no use for a mobile phone. I don’t feel the need to keep one glued to my ear because I feel lonely when I walk down the street.

Someone needs to start a ‘Save The Landline’ campaign before it’s too late.

Savelandlines

Nominated by: Allan

Doomed. Doomed I tell thee.
We are all going to die on Monday. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. Every media outlet the same. Doomed.

Stay indoors. In a bath of iced water. Breathe through a tube. If you have an outside toilet (in say, New Mills) wear a hijab when going for a crap. Old cunters say goodbye to your loved ones now before it’s too late.

Swim to work. Drink 20L of water an hour. Doomed.

(How the fuck we managed in Seffrica, fuck knows.)

You have been warned. Everyfuckingwhere.

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(I suppose it will be blamed on CC even though it is the middle of Summer! – Day Admin)

And then there’s this from Bertram Cuntatious DCO

I’d like an emergency cunting for the current weather.

A projected 40C in Doncaster is too fucking much. I’m off for a week on holiday and am stuck in the fucking house Monday and Tuesday as I’ll render down if I go out in that.

Can’t walk anywhere, can’t go for a nice ride on the Vespa, can’t sit in the garden, can’t even fucking breathe properly. Fuck off and give me some northern rain yer cunt.